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The Gifts Under Coach Cal’s Christmas Tree




I never figured Cal to be the small tree type. Just picture him on his couch, glass of egg nog in hand, basking in the glow of his 10-foot tall, gloriously lit Douglas Fir, watching replays of Grayson Allen throwing tantrums on the bench. Just feels more natural, doesn’t it?

There’s really no telling what actually is under Cal’s tree as of today. But the players have all headed home for the holidays, and surely, some of them left a few goodies for Coach to open on Christmas morning. Here are a few theories:

To Coach, From Malik

Sorry about the cold shooting night in Louisville, Coach. I know how badly you wanted to beat Rick on his home floor, AGAIN.

I’ll get my shot back after the holidays. In the meantime, I got you a big ol’ pack of Icy Hot. Just take it and rub it all over your hands. It’ll really put you in my shoes.

To Coach, From Bam

I got you The Flintstones complete series on DVD. We should really start watching these in the Craft Center before practice. I know every time I watch an episode, I feel ready to go dunk all over somebody. Maybe they can get everybody else hyped too.

Especially if we add in a bowl of Fruity Pebbles afterward.

To Dad, From Brad

Dearest Father, I got you FRONT ROW tickets to a Train concert next year. That has to be the best gift you’ve ever gotten, right? Right? Now, surely you can give me some PT. I can actually shoot, remember?

And no, Mom definitely did not give me this idea. But she could be persuaded to throw in a backstage pass, if you throw in a few more minutes per game.

Love, Your Favorite Son.

To Coach Cal, From Jarred Vanderbilt, 2017 5-Star Forward

See you next year, Coach.


Merry Christmas, BBN.


Article written by Jay Winkler

Avid fan of UK Athletics, WWE, and chicken wings. Preferably at the same time.