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Mt. Washington Derek: State of the Program and Other Stuff

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What you are about to read is a parody piece. It in no way, shape, or form directly reflects Derek Willis’ thoughts or actions (as much as I wish it did). These will be posted at various points as the season goes on. With that said, please enjoy.

Lol what’s good BBN? I’m gonna be stopping in here every once in a while to tell y’all about the team and some other stuff too probably. In case you were wondering, yes, I am drinking a Mountain Dew right now. I gotta be careful not to spill it on this laptop, like I did my last one. Haha speaking of that, it’s a funny story, I was watching Bill Dance Outdoors bloopers and he hooked a monster largemouth then while he was trying to get it in the net he went head first right into the lake. I laughed so hard I spit a mouth full of Dew all over my keyboard and screen. Totally ruined it. Luckily, the next day I won $500 on a $5 scratch off I bought at Circle K. Lol it was total luck haha I was just there to get gas. I was so happy, did a ten second burnout before I peeled out of the parking lot.

Anyway I guess I’ll tell y’all a little about the team. I think we’re gonna be pretty good and the new dudes on the team are cool. Me and Malik have shooting competitions all the time. If he tells you he’s a better shooter, just remind him I dusted nine clay pigeons before he even hit one haha he even tried to blame it on the 12-gauge he was using. Apparently “he doesn’t miss with his 20-gauge pump back in Arkansas.” Yeah, sure. He isn’t better than me at shooting basketballs either. Other than that, I’m glad he’s on the team. He’s a good dude and the only teammate I’ve had in four years that will go mudding with me back in Mt. Washington.

De’Aaron is lightning fast, if you haven’t been able to tell from the first few games. He has a whole buncha energy, easily the most of anyone on the team. He’s constantly bouncing off the walls, and he doesn’t even drink Dew. I have no idea how he does it, it’s crazy haha. He’s super good, I just know he’ll be playing in the league soon making millions of dollars. I told him when he’s rich, he’s gotta get a badass car to drive, so in our spare time I teach him how to look for killer deals in my AutoTrader magazines and on craigslist. He really likes Ferraris. I told him if he wants to buy a piece of junk then go ahead and get a Ferrari but if he really wants to get all the ladies then he needs to get a ’69 GTO. Man, those are sweet.

The team, mostly the younger guys, like to listen to rap in the locker room to get hyped for games. I just don’t get it. Rap is fine and what not but I’ve been telling them if they want to elevate their games and really get pumped for games then they should try mixing in a Kid Rock or Limp Bizkit song. Before the UCLA game last year I listened to “Rollin’” by Limp Bizkit and, well, you all remember that as my “break-out” game. These young guys have a lot to learn about playing college basketball.

That’s about it as far as the team goes so far. I’m excited for this year and think we’ve got a heck of a shot to win the whole thing. Just as long as these guys stick to my advice, we should be fine.

Article written by Barrett Lindsey

I drive a Saturn. Here's my twitter handle that you probably won't follow: @BarrySliceKSR

12 Comments for Mt. Washington Derek: State of the Program and Other Stuff



  1. 3Goggles
    4:07 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    Mission failed, we’ll get em next time.



  2. Cal
    4:17 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    You do realize that Derek actually grew up in Louisville, right? He was enrolled at Male High school. So all of this is funny and all, but the kid isn’t really a “so Bullit County” kid. He’s from the “Ville”



    • ravimoss
      4:43 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

      He went to Bullitt East, which is in Bullitt Co. Which technically is Louisville, but no he was never enrolled at Male.



    • Cal
      5:09 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

      He was going to go to Male. He went to JCTMS middle and was technically enrolled at Male. He switched to Bullit East, but he grew up in Louisivlle and was a Louisville fan his whole life. I know the kid. He is not a Bullit county kid. That doesn’t mean he’s didn’t live there or go to school there. But he’s being described as “so Bullit county” and even redneck when he’s not. All I’m saying. Derek is a great young man and I just don’t like the parody of where he went to high school. It’s pretty insulting to describe him as shooting shotguns, Etc etc. when he was really playing Yug I Oh. Not trying to be too serious about it. Just saying not accurate for him



    • UK Big Board Update
      9:12 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

      This website isn’t for everyone….



  3. Willis talkin bout....
    4:23 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    I’m either getting old.. or this isn’t really even that funny… an actual interview or focus piece would have worked better. But hey its your head, thanks for sharing I guess. Sure Derek will appreciate the effort.



  4. jnthomp0802
    4:25 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    Shew, thought that would never end. It was like a horrible version of Donnie Baker got to be the UK towel boy. Do we have to get those all season?



  5. Papa G
    4:27 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    This is garbage. Please stop it.



  6. kentuckyjoe
    4:39 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    Funny. Good job. Keep it coming.



  7. ravimoss
    4:42 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    Good writing, and funny. Don’t let the mundane middle aged men above tell you otherwise.



    • kyrupp8
      6:24 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

      Absolutely! The mundane middle aged men got their big win last Tuesday. They’ve had enough. Pollsters are now reporting 77% of the US population love this type of post.



  8. BiasedBigfoot
    6:29 pm November 15, 2016 Permalink

    Sorry. I’m way under middle aged and I didn’t find this funny at all. It also seems weird that current UK players have to limit there interactions with the media/fans yet we can write parody pieces whenever we want. (For example: Derek probably wouldn’t be allowed to just call in to KSR whenever he pleases. At least not without some mild repercussions. Yet any writer as KSR is free to use their name in any article format whatsoever.)