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Zoology for KSR Readers: The Cardinal


‘Twas the morning after Christmas, and all through the state, Cats fans were stirring, ready to unleash Louisville hate. I hope your Christmas was filled with peace, love, and several other qualities that won’t be found in Rupp Arena on New Year’s Eve. Now that the gifts have been unwrapped and family members hugged, it’s time to get down to business. Seeing as both Lamar and Louisville claim the redbird as their teams’ nicknames, I thought we would kick off a week sure to be filled with all kinds of anti-Cardinal merriment with a little info session about Kentucky’s state bird.

“The cardinal, or cardinalidae, a family of birds found in North and South America, is so well-loved that it has been named the state bird of no fewer than seven states.”

Those seven states, of course, include Kentucky, where the Cardinal was crowned top bird after a 1956 decision by the Supreme Court of Kentucky in the historic Bernard Hickman v. Commonwealth of Kentucky case, which declared the Wildcat’s status as state bird “unconstitutional and utterly absurd…point blank, period” in a 4-3 decision. Several state attorneys are piecing together an attempt to overturn this decision on the strength of new evidence that Kidd-Gilchrist can, indeed, fly.

“Cardinal birds generally tend to gather in big flocks of around 70 to 100 birds.”

“Flocks,” of course, refers to the tendency of U of L fans and players to organize themselves into groups called “gangs,” whose activities provide the number one source of recreation for the city’s youth.

“Noted for chirping complex melodies, cardinals have about two dozen songs.”

Most of these are tracks from various Chamillionaire albums, with a few other numbers thrown in, including the always popular “Yo, ref, dat was a charge” and “Not guilty, your honor,” both of which freshmen Cards learn during the season’s first practice.

“The cardinal is non-migratory.”

Obviously. The farthest Pitino’s team has traveled this season is a few miles north to Indianapolis to face a rebuilding Butler program. Unfortunately for U of L, they’ll have to come down from the nest to play the Cats, and Rupp will seem much farther from home than the 65 miles separating it from the Yum! Center (I still can’t take the name seriously).

“Mate feeding occurs when the male cardinal picks up a seed, hops near the female and the two touch beaks so the female can take the food. Mate feeding will go on until the female lays eggs.”

Well…this puts a disturbing new twist on an old joke. We finally know exactly what went down at Porcini’s.

“Cardinals have a lifespan of up to 15 years.”

This makes sense, as Louisville players last up to 15 minutes in total playing time before getting injured.

And in case you wondered why so many Cards end up on crutches:

“Males can be aggressive when defending their territory, which often causes them to fly into glass windows while attempting to fight their own reflections.”

If Jurich had done his research, maybe he wouldn’t have allowed so many windows in the plans for the new arena. Talk about a health hazard.

I hope you feel enlightened by your new-found knowledge concerning the cardinal. After all, they say it’s important to know your enemy. Like a bird who just lost a fight with a sliding glass door, the Cards won’t know what hit them come Saturday.

As always, go Cats.

Article written by Adam Schilt

25 Comments for Zoology for KSR Readers: The Cardinal

  1. dan
    9:17 am December 26, 2011 Permalink


  2. Anonymous Ted Danson
    9:19 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Very well done…

  3. kentuckycarter
    9:29 am December 26, 2011 Permalink


  4. quickyricky
    9:29 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    I didn’t see a reference to the teeth that the Cardinal has between the beaks. I’ve only seen teeth in the uofLOL Cardinal, is that specific to the inner city species ?

  5. Score The Ball
    9:35 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Are line beards only found in the Louisville variety?

  6. Tyrell
    9:37 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Yeah it funny now. Jus wait til the birds come fliing into lex and go gangsta in da rupp. We are da best and will be undefeeted dis year. Dats da gosfel. Go vill!

    9:41 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    The tardinals have a shot if we play like we did against IU. Fortunately for us I dont see that happening. This team will be ready

  8. bigbluefan
    9:44 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    The instead of that, this goes instead of this, bunch of thugs

  9. Ugh
    9:49 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    7) Can’t you enjoy a witty post when you see one? Good stuff.

  10. big tim
    10:00 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    who have the cards played the only two teams they played worth talking about is vandy and maybe memphis and the cards have not left home so ricky p had to easy up the schedule to get the fans back in it after a first round loss in the tournament

  11. Jarvis Redwine
    10:02 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    7) It’s truly sad when you’ve got to diguise your true affliation and tug on Superman’s cape. Enjoy the beatdown on the 31st.

  12. Me
    10:02 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Can Cal borrow a couple of Joker’s linebackers and d-linemen for the game with uofl? Just have a revolving door of ‘heavies’ to keep the dirtybirds inline.

    I hope Cal has no mercy on pitino and let’s the CATS drop 120 pts on ’em.

  13. duhville cat
    10:04 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    “The cardinal is non-migratory.” …. Well played, Adam… Well played.

  14. Ukbigdaddy
    10:14 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Excellent post!

  15. Will
    10:24 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    13) Agreed. Agreed.

  16. kywineman
    10:35 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    As a biologist I know one thing for a fact. When a flock of Cardinals fly into a den of wildcats, there will be a well fed bunch of cats following the fracas.

  17. Bulldawg
    10:58 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Verry Funny… U of L sucks a root!!!!

  18. capt. price
    11:33 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    I’m gonna say a prayer now to try and offset the injury jinx the writer has just put on us.

  19. Boogie
    11:37 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    7. Are you saying we should NEVER talk trash because we could beat, that sounds real fun. “no one say anything cuz if we lose and we talked trash the days before the world will end and we will never win another game”

  20. Kirsten
    12:55 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Why must you be so scathing? You realize that by speaking about the opposition in such a derogatory manner that you’re actually being just as horrible as you’re making them out to be? Hypocrite. I don’t think I even need to bring up your racist undertone. “Gangs?” “Chamillionaire albums?” “Yo, ref, dat was a charge.” What the hell are you playing at here? Trying to glorify our home team by using (what you think are) clever low blows? Do us a favor and never so arrogantly pretend you are allowed to represent our team.

  21. Kirsten
    12:59 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    22) if you choose to infer that racial undertones are being used that’s your prerogative but don’t assume the writer doest. Cause you know what assuming does…

  22. Bill Brasky
    1:06 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    awesome post!

  23. forrest gump
    1:49 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    run terrence , run. ya’ll got funny riter rite der now, ya here. get my sister home by midnite or i gawn shoot ya with my shotgun daggummit

  24. Dan Gilbert
    3:47 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Kirsten must be on her period. Grow some skin, chick.

  25. SUK
    1:24 am December 27, 2011 Permalink

    It’s funny how you all have adopted the black players, and kept Rupp’s racial tendencies!! I would hope every recruit would read your alls post and realize now instead of being slaves, they are being brought to UK to TRY and win a championship! I really think UK fans could win a championship for being the most racial fans in country!! I promise the kids on your team talk just like every other kids on other teams!