Because the rumors surrounding the dismissal/non-dismissal of Billy Gillispie are driving me nuts and because I want nothing more than to be like Tomlin, here is a UK coaching rumor mad lib to help you get the next crazy message board rumor started.
Have at it kids…..
Oh my (Deity)!! Did you hear? It’s a done deal. (Favorite coach) is replacing (favorite Gillispie nickname) and it’s going to be announced Friday afternoon. I talked to my (nuclear family member)‘s (job title)‘s cousin, who really knows what is going on. He once (past tense verb) with (favorite former UK player)‘s brother when they were both at (noun). He was the guy who was right about (UK recruiting fact).
Basically, what happened is that (favorite Gillispie nickname) lost favor with a booster named (favorite Kentucky celebrity) when he (past tense verb) him/her in the (noun) after the (SEC opponent) game. That was the (something similar to “straw that broke the camel’s back”) after a number of run-ins including telling AJ Stewart to go (verb) a (mammal) and making Josh Harrellson do (workout) for an hour while listening to (TLC song) and wearing (article of clothing). I even heard, but I can’t confirm it, that (Gillispie nickname) even went as far as (present tense verb) on the bar top of (Lexington establishment) at halftime of the (SEC opponent) game and then (past tense verb) all the way out the front door and continued through the middle of campus. If he would not have been found by (person with Kentucky ties) laying on the side of Euclid, he might have never made it home. Just think about how (national media outlet) would have made fun of us then!!!
Luckily, Mitch and Lee had a private meeting with the boosters, the dancing guy from section 218 and (UK related figure or the ghost of Jim Morrison). It was a (adjective) exchange because the boosters wanted (coaching figure) and the dancing guy was lobbying hard for (different coaching figure). But, in the end, (UK related figure or the ghost of Jim Morrison) took the floor and used his (noun) to help everyone see that (new coach) was the one to return UK to (overused synonym for success). Again, I can’t confirm this completely, but I think (UK related figure or the ghost of Jim Morrison) saved the program last night. Mitch and Lee Todd are freaking (synonym for incompetent)!!
Also, a guy that I used to (verb) with every Tuesday morning overheard a lady who looked like (current UK player)‘s mom in the line at (fast food restaurant at Fayette Mall) say that (nickname for Gillispie) is heading to (place) to (verb) the team there. That serves him right. He (verb) this program into the (noun) and I can’t even show my face around (a-hole Card fan) anymore. That (profanity). (Deity), I hate him.
Anyway, today is the day that we return to prominence. With (new coach) taking charge, we are pretty much a lock for (crazy expectations) – especially after he brings (point guard recruit) with him. I heard he has been begging for the job for (length of time) and got on a (mode of transportation) the second Mitch called him to travel to Lexington. My source even said he even hired (former UK player) as an assistant and has demanded to stand at the top of the cheerleader pyramid at every game. (new coach) is going to be (adjective) and I couldn’t be more (adjective) about it.
You can (verb) me all you want, but you’ll be (adjective) when I am right about this. (media member) knows what I am talking about but is too (adjective) to report it yet.