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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Write a cover letter, join UK’s staff

Now that Rod Strickland has been demoted to a non-coaching position, John Calipari needs to find a third assistant coach.

Rumor has it, Oregon assistant coach Kenny Payne is the man Calipari wants. All I know is, if you’re a coach out there and you want this job, it’s not too late to get your name in the hat, but you’ll need one thing:

A convincing cover letter.

At some point after the UK Athletics Association’s board meeting on Thursday morning, the following was searchable on UK’s employment website:

The application is open to the public and will close Wednesday. Better start updating those resumes with any coaching experience you may have! Of course, “experience” in resume-speak is loose. If you’ve ever seen that episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” where the gang coaches a youth basketball league, that counts as experience.

Part of this process is charming. You and your friends can apply to work right alongside Coach Cal (just so long as the Cavaliers don’t lose tonight and ignite a two-team bidding war to try to bring Cal to the NBA). Make fun of it all like the 10-year-old a few years ago that wrote a letter to the governor of West Virginia, making his argument to be hired as West Virginia football coach.

But why does the administration even joke like this is a public opening?

According to UK spokesman DeWayne Peevy, all UK jobs must be posted at least seven days. Doesn’t matter if you want to be a part-time help desk guy to run around helping professors play YouTube videos, or if you want to be a full-time basketball coach. The job has to be publicly posted.

Peevy also said all applicants must formally apply online to be considered for the opening.

To an extent, the university shouldn’t treat this job any different than its others. Any university professor get two company cars like Calipari does, right?

But since the coach’s salary comes from the athletic department’s private funds, the athletic department should run any coaching search the way they want. They shouldn’t clog up UK’s employment website with another job that nobody has a shot at getting.

A quick glance at open UK jobs shows 534 jobs available. A total of 196 have been available for over a year; 50 of those have been open for over two years. Why keep these jobs posted? It’s not like an overqualified resume for Fraternity and Sorority Affairs House Director (job posted July 25, 2007) is going to creep in almost three years after it was posted, forcing UK to finally make its hire.

Along the same lines, why post an opening for an assistant basketball coach? It’s a UK rule, not an NCAA rule. For once, the NCAA isn’t the one responsible for clogging up athletics with red tape.

If UK is willing to handle hundreds of prank applications – especially those alphabetized near “Payne, Kenny” – I guess they don’t need to change this rule. But candidates be warned: According to the application, a candidate must be willing to work nights and weekends.

I started to apply for the job to prove a point, but I stopped.

I didn’t want to write a cover letter.

Find me on Twitter, @pennington_jl.

Article written by James Pennington