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Worldwide Wes Speaks

Last week I was Krogering and found myself checking out in the express lane when my credit card wouldn’t work. The people behind me were noticeably upset and had started instructing me that I needed to either find a new card or just put all my stuff back and kick rocks (v. to move along). The cashier was trying to explain to me what might be going wrong, I was trying to explain that there was plenty of room on the card and basically the whole line was in an tumultuous uproar. All of the sudden the entire place went silent like everyone went mute all at once, only it wasn’t against our own will. We just felt silenced. It was as if somewhere deep within our brains we all just knew to not speak. Ten minutes passed of pure silence before finally we all felt like it was okay to talk again and we resumed our credit card dispute.

When I later thought about what had happened, I couldn’t find anyway to explain it logically. Until today. At that very same moment in New York City, Worldwide Wes decided to do an interview with Henry Abbott. As his mouth opened, the world’s mouths collectively closed. When Worldwide Wes speaks, the entire world listens.

Mr. Abbott spoke with William “Worldwide” Wesley about his “nephew” and close friend Eddy Curry. Since I’m not at all a fan of the NBA really, that bores me as a topic for Wes to finally speak out on. However, I do find three of the Q & A’s to be particularly entertaining:

First,

These two teams (Knicks and Nets) we’re watching, they’re both banking on getting much better through free agency. If you could give them advice on how to succeed in attracting a premium free agent this summer, what would you say?
I’m not going to answer that question, because I think it’s a set-up question. I’m here to talk about Eddy Curry, and to support Eddy Curry.

Clever idea…clever idea attempted…fail. A little background info will help here. The short summary goes like this: Knicks’ fans want LeBron, Wes is close with LeBron, the Knicks would like to use Wes’ connections with LeBron to ease him out of Cleveland through free agency. Abbott was obviously trying to switch the subject of the interview from Curry to LeBron, without saying his name or, in Abbott’s mind, without making it obvious. Abbott must have forgot that he was dealing with a man who has achieved, yes, WORLDWIDE fame while only doing about two real interviews with the media. Honestly, think about that for a second and let it sink in because that’s something that just doesn’t work on paper. It’s genius. You’re going to have to come a lot harder than that in order to catch Wes.

Secondly,

The stories about Eddy’s situation have been terrible. There have been murders. There have been weird accusations. Just about everything bad you can imagine … Very serious stuff. As someone who knows him better, it must kind of kill you to see Eddy Curry be the butt of jokes.

Just the question is enough here. The last line could quite possibly be the worst worded question of all-time. It’s like going into a hospital and saying “You must have just had a heart attack when you heard about your grandpa having a heart attack, ” or “Gosh, I can’t believe your 14 year old daughter is pregnant, she must really feel screwed.” The best part about this is that Henry Abbott had to have taped this conversation with Wes so he not only had the initial awkward moment but also got to relive it when he arrived home that night and typed up this golden nugget. Kudos to Mr. Abbott for keeping his journalistic integrity though and not fudging his question and rewording it while drafting this piece. You are a stronger man than I.

Last but not least,

What do you say to people who make fun of him?
…They’re called haters…

For some reason this line had me laughing. If we were sitting court-side about a decade and a half earlier, watching Jon Starks and Patrick Ewing instead of David Lee and Darko Milicic, this line might have read Q: “What do you say to people who make fun of him?” A: “They some bustas.”

The next time Worldwide Wes speaks, it better be less about a dwindling franchise and Eddy Curry and a lot more about how to become close friends and quotation marked family members of millionaires.

Article written by Dustin Rumbaugh

I enjoy basketball, Kentucky sports and extremely short walks on the beach, followed by a nap. Sorry ladies, I'm taken.