It only seems fitting that on this day where Kentucky fans are preparing for Auburn and America is welcoming in a new head man to the Oval Office, that we take a second to appreciate a man who happened to be both a great American hero and an Auburn Tiger basketball player.
It was just about a year and a half ago when Auburn guard Frank Tolbert (in the hat that used to mean Cincinnati Reds) found himself in an unfortunate situation just prior to his senior season with the Tigers. The young man was looking to build on his junior year where he scored 11.4 ppg and had a few too many alcoholic beverages before getting behind the wheel of a car one evening, eventually getting picked up for a DUI. Now, this is not something we endorse here at KSR and I think it’s one of the worst things a person can do, but that’s not where the story of Frank Tolbert ends. In fact, it’s just the beginning.
Like many other great American athletes, politicians and, well, normal people, Tolbert responded to adversity by standing proud and making sure that he did what was right – no matter the consequences or laws. The next afternoon, Tolbert decided he needed his car back and jumped the fence of the towing facility where it was being stored, fired it up and got all “A Team” on those opressive jerks by driving it through the fence and back to freedom where it belonged. The only problem, of course, was that the towing company felt they were owed money and Tolbert was eventually charged with criminal mischief.
But, alas, our fine justice system would get things right as they always do, later deciding to drop both of the charges against Tolbert. Standing proud as someone who had persevered through the most difficult of circumstances allowed Tolbert to lead the Tigers his senior year to a 4-13 record in the SEC and, in the process, inspire thousands of good, wholesome people who’ve had their cars improperly impounded. Now, Tolbert plays basketball in Holland where he is probably called “De grote Amerikaanse Held” and never has to worry about anyone stealing his little wooden shoes.
So, with that piece of American history in my heart, I’d like to issue a proclamation to the guy at work who decided to shut down the internet today so no one would spend the day watching the inauguration, thus making it impossible for me to post: You’re going to get Tolbert’d tomorrow, bitch.
Feel free to discuss your future Tolberting plans below.