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What is “The John Calipari Experience”?

“So, John Calipari walks into a McDonalds…”

During one of my breaks from reading the Sarah Phillips story on Deadspin this morning (my attention span has shortened with age), I stumbled upon an interesting news blurb. The Beaumont Centre Family YMCA is auctioning off three “John Calipari Experiences” to raise money for the Y’s annual giving campaign. These “John Calipari Experiences” include watching a practice and getting a tour of the Joe Craft Center. Now, that’s a wonderful prize, definitely one for which I’d raise my paddle. But, it got me thinking about what the “John Calipari Experience” should really be. Surely we can come up with something better than a practice and a tour, right? (By the way, I fully expect the three people who win this to submit practice reports to KSR stat.)

The Ideal John Calipari Experience

8:00 AM: Breakfast with Cal and Joe B. Hall

10:00 AM: Mid-morning trip with Cal to the new Orange Leaf in Danville in a chartered bus, with the National Championship trophy (please bring hand sanitizer and extra Sharpies)

10:15 AM: Stop on the way at the Nicholasville McDonalds for a trophy picture opp with fans

Noon: Visit to Cal’s office in the Joe Craft Center

12:15 PM: Game of darts with Cal (first one to hit Mark Emmert between the eyes gets a free copy of Bounce Back!)

12:30 PM: Tour of the Joe Craft Center from the WBA and lunch with the team (Mmm…Rafferty’s!)

1:15 PM: A round of trash can basketball with Matthew Mitchell while Cal calls recruits

1:30 PM: Assist Cal with his daily prank calls to Rick Pitino

2:45 PM: Watch Cal shoot a commercial for Rebecca Ruth’s newest candy, “The Championship Chew”

4:00 PM: An “insider’s look” at a Kentucky practice (please excuse the swearing)

5:15 PM: Read recruits’ tweets to Cal while he’s on the treadmill

6:00 PM: Watch Cal shoot a commercial for Ale 8 One’s commemorative “Gr8” Championship sodas

7:00 PM: Papa John’s pizza with Cal, the assistant coaches, and the “mean and nimble one” at Casa Calipari

9:00 PM: Late night trip to the Orange Leaf on Romany Road (optional side trip to Romany Road Kroger to visit John Short)

9:45 PM: Chartered limo trip to Bluegrass Airport to drop off Cal as he heads to watch recruits.

What did I miss?

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

23 Comments for What is “The John Calipari Experience”?

  1. bham
    4:05 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    I dont think John Short works that late…..

  2. Dallas Hoskins
    4:06 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    I wan’t with you!!!! Go Big Blue!!!

  3. bham
    4:06 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    No Shoneys??

  4. gameday
    4:08 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    What does everyone else do while Calipari is putting on the hair gel?

  5. GT
    4:11 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    9:00 AM Trip to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and phone calls to La Familia on the official UK Athletics Blackberry.

  6. the ghost of Bill Hicks
    4:16 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    3:15 PM: Check KSR to see if there is any news on Jai Lucas.

  7. StangLuvr
    4:21 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    7:00am Fly to Chicago and preform Derrick Rose’s knee surgery.
    7:05am Leave Chicago because Tim Tebow visited Derrick Rose the night before and healed him.
    3:15pm Call Matt Jones to make sure he is sending the 2013 recruits’ parents t-shirts.
    6:45pm Watch Cal practice “You guys are crazy!!” is 8 diffent languages.

  8. Pitino's Pant Leg
    4:25 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    Is Cal at that McDonald’s because he heard about their remodeling?

  9. Briscoe Darling
    4:30 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    Walking across the Romany Road from Orange Leaf to Kroger’s to meet John Short shouldn’t be an option. It’s an absolute MUST. Yes indeedy!

    #3 Shoney’s isn’t necessary because the architect in charge of the remodel is designing the new locker rooms for Cal at Rupp. You’ll meet him at the Craft Center.

  10. Chuck
    4:34 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    Not to be picky, but no chance getting to Nicholasville by 10:15. Wtf? Is neo from the matrix gonna fly your ass there?

  11. tyson
    4:36 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    #5, you beat me to it, but you forgot Second Breakfast at Wheeler’s Pharmacy. The man knows the importance of starting the day off with 2 square meals.

  12. Matt from Hodgenville
    4:40 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    1:17 PM: Anthony Davis drops by the office to say “Hi” to Cal; instinctively blocks your shot at the trash can.

  13. Ms. Tyler Thompson
    4:40 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    10 – From Lexington? I’ve done it several times.

  14. GT
    4:49 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    #11 – You know it. Breakfast and Second Breakfast are the most important meals of the day.

  15. Big poppa
    4:51 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    while in Danville, visit Larry Vaught and his Droid, hell go down the road and get a Burgin Burger

  16. Jeremy
    5:08 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    When does the danville one open?

  17. Alex
    6:30 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink


    Pops collars in mirror because, you wish you would.

  18. TurkeyCreek
    6:51 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    #9 is John Short the bagger that is “special”?

  19. Mean and Nimble One treats
    7:04 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    Great post Tyler!

  20. Jorts' Tightie Whities
    10:44 pm May 2, 2012 Permalink

    You can’t forget the Dunkin’ Donuts – the man is like clockwork at 9 AM.

  21. Lou eaton
    8:32 am May 3, 2012 Permalink

    You can’t for get Mass in the morning…….

  22. Steve-O #8
    10:51 am May 3, 2012 Permalink

    No kidding but the McDonalds in Martin is getting a remodel now!!!