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What Did You Learn?

MarchMadness

Growing up, whenever I made a mistake (like breaking a window with a baseball, or trusting my uncle with my allowance) I always heard the same thing.  My mom would wave an admonishing finger, grow nine inches, and loudly ask, “What did you learn?!”  This usually happened after I’d hurt myself, either physically or emotionally, by running into a glass door, or dropping my keys into a sewer grate, or something similarly humiliating.  It never had the compassionate connotation you’d expect, but always felt more like something you’d see a Viatnamese soldier ask Robert DeNiro in Deer Hunter.  So naturally, I always told my mom that I learned to use three bullets instead of just one.  We were a loving family.

But it was an important lesson: whatever happens, good or bad, you can always learn something from it.  Yeah, I get it, the NCAA tournament is technically still going on.  But it’s no longer March, so it’s safe to say that the Madness is over.  All that’s left are four competitive teams, and no genuine upsets anymore.

So here are five things we learned through the 2013 edition of March Madness.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

1) “The only certainties in life are death and taxes and awful brackets.” -Harriet Tubman.  I don’t know why I even bother anymore.  I’ve always said I’d rather be lucky than good (just like I’ve always said that a perfect girl has exactly two of the three magic qualities: hot, rich, and low self-esteem).  But this year, my luck, like so many others’, ran out.  I guess that’s not really something I learned, so much as was reminded of, but it stings nonetheless.  Especially when a nine year-old who filled out a bracket with crayon is beating me, which I assume probably happened somewhere.  Frickdangit.

2) Kevin Ware is a trooper.  We all saw it.  Actually, that’s not true; I didn’t.  I was in the kitchen, which is strange by itself since I can barely make a sandwich.  But by this point, I don’t even want to see it; if you tell me it’s the grossest sports injury ever, I’m going to believe you.  When Joe Theisman tweets that he feels bad for the guy, you know it’s bad.  But despite not wanting any player to get injured, I’m at least glad it happened on Easter Sunday.  That way, at least we can all be reminded that Christ died for his shins.

3) VCU and Butler are paying their coaches in cocaine and hookers.  I mean, probably not, but you explain why else they’d want to stay there.  It doesn’t make any sense.  Shaka Smart and Brad Stevens have basically had their choice in any coaching vacancy in the last two years, including, recently, UCLA.  And yet they remain at the middest of majors, toiling away with their 5- and 6-seeds, hoping to become perennial Cinderellas.  Maybe they’re holding out for the truly coveted jobs (Coach K won’t be at Duke forever, you know), or maybe they just really love the cities they’re in.  But naw, it’s probably the free drugs.  And speaking of UCLA…

4) UCLA is no longer a premiere coaching job.  Finish this analogy, if you would.  College Ball:Bruins::NBA:_________.  If you said “the Chicago Bulls,” then you are absolutely right.  If you said “Rectum? Dang near killed ‘im!” then I’ll give you credit for that, too, on general principle.  But both programs have one thing in common: they had one ridiculously successful decade, but have wallowed in mediocrity for the rest of their existence.  UCLA, home to the most national titles in college basketball, had five crowds of over 10,000 this season.  In the same year that they won the Pac-12, had the number one recruiting class, and built a brand new arena.  Nobody cares anymore, so why should the coaches?  Their success, like the Bulls, was tied up in a single transcendent basketball legend (John Wooden, Michael Jordan).  Outside of those guys, there just isn’t much to the franchise.

5) It’s a great time to be a basketball fan in Kentucky.  Seriously, it is.  For Kentucky fans, it was supposed to have been a rough few weeks since missing the tournament on Selection Sunday.  I mean, when you’re Kentucky, the NIT is a four-letter word.  Which doesn’t even make sense, because it’s neither four-letters nor a word.  It’s like taking the “Roman Empire” of college basketball and turning it into the “Holy Roman Empire” of college basketball.  But really, I’ve felt more optimism around the fanbase than I ever would have expected, especially following a first-round NIT loss to the Redskins running back (he beat us all on his own like we were the Dallas Cowboys).  But Kentucky is essentially just between national championship runs, and the rivalry with Louisville is at an all-time competitive high.  North Carolina, who?  The heart of college basketball lies somewhere on I-64.  Probably around Waddy.

*UPDATE* Sorry for the blank post for the first three hours; I was in class and didn’t notice whatever formatting error made it a blank page. It wasn’t a belated April Fool’s Day joke, I promise.

Article written by Corey Nichols

102 Comments for What Did You Learn?



  1. Tyler
    9:01 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Not much



  2. Skinner
    9:02 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Uhhhhhhhhhhhh nothing



  3. Houston Wildcat
    9:02 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Everything I needed to know…



  4. Blasphemy
    9:02 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I’m still learning….



  5. buttmunch
    9:03 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    damn good read sir, fine work you’ve done here



  6. Wildxatfan79
    9:03 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Learn about what? April fools was five days ago.



  7. Keith Whitley
    9:04 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    You say it best, when you say nothing at all.



  8. Daryl Dixon
    9:04 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    BEST. POST. EVER. (stand up, slow clap)



  9. Blasphemy
    9:04 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    .



  10. Blasphemy
    9:05 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    The empty set.



  11. Wildxatfan79
    9:05 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    And people use to think BTI sucked



  12. TN Cat
    9:05 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This is just too easy.



  13. FinjaDave
    9:06 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This may be the most intelligent post ever on KSR.



  14. Wordpress
    9:06 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    …how to use me improperly.



  15. FinjaDave
    9:07 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Corey, you forgot to spell check your post.



  16. Canadian Moutme
    9:07 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This is by far Corey’s best post since joining KSR!



  17. James
    9:07 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Is this a real thing?



  18. Blasphemy
    9:08 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    You were able to have more properties in this body of work than any other!



  19. ei8hts
    9:09 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Pulitzer?



  20. BPsycho
    9:09 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Long live los BTI!



  21. LarryofCorbin
    9:10 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Failure always has an audience?



  22. CatCall
    9:10 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I learned you can’t judge a post by it’s title!



  23. personally
    9:11 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I’d take this over anything Kristen G or Ally T has ever posted. All day long.



  24. Steely Dan
    9:11 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This is deep



  25. tom
    9:12 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    7. Keith…hilarious!



  26. shields eyes
    9:13 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Bravo Corey!



  27. Elkattio
    9:13 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I’ve learned to never give my heart away to a woman again.



  28. JT
    9:13 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Dear God. It has come to this…



  29. #23
    9:13 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Damn skippy



  30. Doug Heffernan
    9:14 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    A baloo is a bear. Schulch is junk.



  31. Blasphemy
    9:15 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Pf: Let x be in {}, then, clearly, x is in the set of “Awesome” AND x is in the set of “Super_Gnar” at the exact same time. This implies that x is in the set of “Yo_Mamma” AND at the same time, the set of “Goodness_Gracious_Great_Balls_of_Fire.” Therefore, we conclude that empty set jokes never stop being funny. qed.



  32. Devastation INC
    9:16 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Instant classic here. Love this sh1T



  33. Confusious Learn
    9:17 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    He who go to bed with itchy bung, wake up with smelly finger



  34. LansingCat
    9:17 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    LOVE THIS!



  35. huntin chickens
    9:17 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    still better than whatever thamel is writing right now



  36. Earl Woods & NIKE
    9:20 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Tiger,
    I am more prone to be inquisitive,
    To promote discussion.
    I want to find out what your thinking was,
    I want to find out what your feelings are,
    And, did you learn anything?



  37. huntin chickens
    9:21 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Finally a post that really says something. Very poignant, Corey. Good job!



  38. Eric Bledsoe
    9:22 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Corey, call me and I’ll help you get sh*t right.



  39. ei8hts
    9:24 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    #EmptyIsBetterThanCrap



  40. LarryofCorbin
    9:24 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    That this will get more views and comments than any post about The Bachelor



  41. thelestus
    9:28 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    #40 AMEN!!! SHONDELAHKIA!!



  42. tj
    9:28 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Nothing much!



  43. Dumb
    9:31 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    That you are lazy!



  44. Downcline
    9:31 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    BTI didn’t suck as bad as Corey



  45. roger ebert
    9:31 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I give this two thumbs up.



  46. Tooblueforyou
    9:32 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Nothing from this



  47. GoCats2
    9:35 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I think what happened is that Corey ran this through spellcheck and everything that was correct is what went through.



  48. Gladiator
    9:35 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Are you not entertained?



  49. BPM
    9:35 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I’m sick of these liberal agenda posts, get politics off KSR!



  50. Morgan Freeman
    9:35 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    That Kennedy Meeks looks like SAMs from Lean On Me! “You like to smoke crack do ya, Sams?”



  51. Jarod T.
    9:36 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I don’t know, what did I learn?



  52. Blue Hair
    9:37 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Corey must be a Democrat and he’s waiting for someone to do the work for him.



  53. What did YOU learn?
    9:37 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    .



  54. Jimmy
    9:38 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I learned that 2+4+5+10+13+18 does not equal 52 , it equal 9



  55. ukwiseman
    9:39 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    As well done as an NCAA investigation.



  56. Steelepowers
    9:40 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This came through the RSS feed with the full article.



  57. Tippy
    9:40 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    These comments are great! Great way to start off the day.



  58. bluebiscuit
    9:41 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    At least it is not about Celine Dion.



  59. mjblue2
    9:41 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Bravo #7



  60. U SUCK!
    9:43 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This is his best post ever! #destroycoreycichols



  61. Yes
    9:43 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Meeks looks like Bookman from Good Times



  62. Bayside High
    9:44 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    There’s no hope with dope.



  63. U SUCK!
    9:44 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Kill yourself corey!



  64. WOW
    9:45 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    After being up all night playing Bioshock Infinite, this was actually mind-blowing. Which side of the coin do YOU see?



  65. CatGrad7072
    9:46 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    ….. that it wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.



  66. RUPPS_rhetoric
    9:46 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    BEST COREY POST EVER!!!



  67. Seekers
    9:48 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I learned that my constant fear that a hand will come out of the toilet and grab my junk while I sit on the pot and try to poop is completely unfounded.



  68. The J Man
    9:48 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I learned that you’re still a bad blogger.

    Whats the matter, copy/paste from Deadspin and Barstool not working properly this morning?



  69. Boogie Fan
    9:48 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This looks like something Drew the Employee would post. I thought he was back for a minute.



  70. X-ray vision
    9:51 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    #52 – Priceless !!



  71. Corey Nichols
    9:52 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This is not testable.



  72. wes henderson
    9:53 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    best thing you’ve ever written



  73. Arthur spooner
    9:54 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    30: wuzzle means to mix; a yonker is a young man.



  74. Dud Wash
    9:54 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I disagree!



  75. Steely Dan
    9:56 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    54) You’re an idiot



  76. wkcatsfan
    9:57 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    30, 73 — a bleo is a cactus; a pocosin is a swamp



  77. Steady
    9:58 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    That two wrongs do not equal right, it equals you last two posts.



  78. B-man
    10:02 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Brilliant! The complex content of the post lies in its simplicity. You have opened our minds by not creating boundaries upon which we feel obligated to discuss and/or comment. You’ve really outdone yourself this time Corey!



  79. FINALLY!
    10:03 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    IT HAS HAPPENED. NICHOLS WROTE A GENIUS PIECE.

    I ENJOYED THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE YOU’VE WRITTEN.

    THANK YOU, SIR.



  80. Bicycle Seat Sniffer
    10:09 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I learned that J-Rock would knock the dust off Phyllis George-Brown. MMM MMM!



  81. NashvilleCat
    10:10 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Duck Hunt is two player. A controller in port 2 controls the ducks.



  82. Brett
    10:12 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    That every rose has a thorn.



  83. ArchiesAutograph
    10:12 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    For 15 dollars I’ll tell ya.



  84. Bubba Earl
    10:16 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I gradiated 6th grade, I lerned lauts.



  85. Ware's Calcium
    10:30 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I learned that I wasn’t that strong that Easter Day.



  86. gotsh$tright
    10:37 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    wait what? oh



  87. Ares
    10:38 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Things pass if UofL wins it all will be forgotten in November.



  88. Tom Crean
    10:40 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Was this supposed to be a tweet to me?



  89. catsfrankfort
    10:45 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    This is absolutely deplorable. I cant believe someone would post such filth as this. This is by far the most disgusting, atrocious post Ive ever seen. How dare you speak like this about children?? As if they didnt already have a lot to deal with growing up in that orphanage???? I will never read KSR again



  90. Tom Crean
    10:47 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Quick…. Hurry, post a denying rebuttal so my son don’t get jealous!!!!!



  91. Seriously
    10:54 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Corey had never had this many comments before



  92. CATandMONKEY
    11:26 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    The answer is and always has been…42.



  93. CATandMONKEY
    11:27 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    VERY John Cage.



  94. The Troof
    11:34 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    89 – I couldn’t agree more.



  95. back2backsweet16s
    11:36 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    I disagree Corey. I don’t see how can’t say that. It’s quite obvious to the rest of us.



  96. The Troof
    11:36 am April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Speaking of children, I saw a child this morning as I was walking to work and he turned and gave me the cutest little smile and wave. I then just looked at him, didn’t smile or wave, and kept walking as I thought to myself “Welcome to the world we live in which is full of mean people and dissapointment you little sh*t.”



  97. what?
    12:00 pm April 5, 2013 Permalink

    What are we talking about here? All I see is a blank post…



  98. someone explain
    12:21 pm April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Is this another reference to a Tom Crean creepy tweet?



  99. Wildcatsteeler
    1:21 pm April 5, 2013 Permalink

    Funny, I didn’t see the injury either. I drove to Rallys right as it happened and missed it. And after hearing about it I doubt I’ll ever watch it.



  100. youreanidiot
    4:57 pm April 5, 2013 Permalink

    “and no genuine upsets anymore”

    You’ve made some dumb statements in your career here, but this one may take the cake. If number 9 seed Wichita State beat UofL and Wins the tournament I THINK THAT WOULD BE AN UPSET. CONSIDERING A 9 SEED HAS NEVER WON.

    JESUS, THIS ISN’T THIS HARD.



  101. ZombieLibrarian
    5:45 pm April 5, 2013 Permalink

    “Christ died for his shins” might be the funniest damn thing I’ve ever read on this site.



  102. GandG
    11:13 pm April 5, 2013 Permalink

    #78 B-man Totally Agree – great post Corey