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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

What can you expect from the SEC Network?

Last week, the SEC and ESPN were set to announce a partnership to create the SEC Network, a channel devoted entirely to SEC sports and programming. Because of the Boston Marathon bombings, the press conference was delayed, but the channel is still expected to launch in August 2014. We were able to obtain a preliminary programming lineup, which, we should remind you, is a KSR exclusive:


“Grass Good Enough to Eat”
Saturday mornings, 10 a.m. – 11 a.m.

Get your lawn ready for football season with LSU’s Les Miles, who famously eats a few blades of grass from the field of play before each game. In this weekly series, Miles will tour the stadiums of the SEC, talking to groundskeepers about their landscape maintenance techniques, turf technologies, all while giving tips to viewers at home for growing a game-worthy lawn. Bermuda, fescue, bluegrass or a hybrid blend, the National Championship winning coach will rank each venue’s field for its appearance, endurance, and of course, taste.


“Stoops, There It Is!”
Weekdays, 7 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.

Follow UK’s new head football coach Mark Stoops as he tries to take the Wildcats from the bottom of the SEC to the top. Stoops has already made a name for himself on the recruiting scene and is making believers out of the basketball-crazy Big Blue Nation, with a record 50K fans at the program’s Spring Game. Stoops, the youngest head coach in the famous Stoops football family, has a knack for pulling off surprises, like landing recruits that previously wouldn’t have given his team the time of day. Watch Stoops pull off these amazing feats, each one followed by his trademark phrase, “STOOPS, there it is!”.


“Let’s Get Real, with Frank Martin”
Weekdays, 2 p.m. – 3 p.m.

Frank Martin doesn’t sugar coat things. From postgame press conferences to practices to his wife’s cooking, he tells it like it is. Now, viewers from across the nation can tune in to Frank’s daytime talk show to see him deliver his special brand of “tough love” to people who need it the most. The show will also feature musical guests, including international hip-hop star and fellow Cuban-American Pitbull.


“Strength in Starch”
Thursdays, 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.

They say “every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man,” and that can certainly be said about Alabama head basketball coach Anthony Grant. With an eye for style and tailoring, Grant knows that first impressions matter, especially on the recruiting trail. Watch as Grant performs fashion interventions for coaches across the nation, helping them find a style that works on and off the court.


“SEC Cribs”
Wednesdays, 9 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.

The SEC is the premiere conference in the country for many reasons, one being the state-of-the-art facilities our athletes train in and call home. Tune in as each school’s top athletes take viewers on an exclusive behind-the-scenes tour of the locker rooms, training centers, and residence halls, starting with Kentucky’s Joe Craft Center, Wildcat Coal Lodge, and renovated Rupp Arena locker room. See how each team “stocks their fridge” and which players make their moms proud by keeping their rooms tidy.


“The new adventures of Batman and Joker”
Saturdays, 8:30 a.m. to 9 a.m.

[Producer’s Note: This block of programming has been purchased by Florida Wide Receivers Coach Joker Phillips. Phillips did not submit a synopsis, but did attach some photoshops to his email. Considering the subject matter and creepy nature of the photoshops, I think we should reconsider the time block as to not frighten younger viewers.]

marshall makeout 2

Marshall Law
Wednesdays, 11:30 p.m. to Midnight

Ole Miss’ Marshall Henderson has one year left in college and he’s going to make it count. Follow the SEC’s favorite bad boy as he celebrates his favorite day of the week: White Girl Wednesday. The city of Oxford is Marshall’s playground, and with his baggiest white tee and flat bill cap, he’s ready to frolic. Tune in to see what trouble Marshall gets into as he attempts to balance his love of basketball with his late night party habits. Special guest appearances by Andy Kennedy as the taxi driver with a heart of gold.

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

14 Comments for What can you expect from the SEC Network?

  1. The Bank is Open
    10:05 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    Wow…can’t believe TT commented on Anthony Grant’s looks, who da thought? Why don’t you just propose to him…

  2. TT fan
    10:25 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    @1-bet even your socks aren’t the same color. DX fashion envy.

  3. How long before
    10:31 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    KSR have a segment on the SEC Network?

  4. UKnowMe
    10:38 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    Have I seen this post before or am I going crazy?

  5. Omnivore
    10:42 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    Les Miles EATS GRASS from every stadium he visits? I know KSR reports in “most ridiculous manner possible”, but c’mon is this a true fact? If so BBN needs to reach out to Les and others who suffer from Pica. Let’s make our voices heard.

  6. The Bank is Open
    10:55 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    2- uh ok…good one?

  7. Omnivore
    11:35 pm April 23, 2013 Permalink

    Moo..chomp chomp. Tiger veggies.

  8. Rei
    12:26 am April 24, 2013 Permalink

    I really can’t tell if Joker is joking with all that or not.

  9. seth
    1:00 am April 24, 2013 Permalink

    what, no KSR show on the new SEC network?!?!?

  10. Leftygilmore
    3:11 am April 24, 2013 Permalink

    That girl is busted

  11. ZZ Top
    4:32 am April 24, 2013 Permalink

    Tyler, why would a well dressed man
    want a crazy girl?

  12. DT in DC
    9:32 am April 24, 2013 Permalink

    Has there been a blog post about the pros and cons of the SEC Network? I’m someone who has a mind that immediately goes to the negatives on things, so I need to see why this is a great thing for UK. My fear is it won’t be picked up by all cable providers (we have Verizon FIOS in the Northeast so I’m not sure they would pick it up here). Also, does this mean many fewer games on ESPN, thus a smaller audience for our games?

  13. KYKiller
    3:14 pm April 24, 2013 Permalink

    If that is the hottest chick in Oxford, remind me to never and K Y Means NEVERRRRRR go Mississippi A – GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!