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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

We Accept Your Unconditional Surrender For Friday’s News and Views

Image Source: www.hopkinsvillenostalgia.com

Image Source: www.hopkinsvillenostalgia.com

Image Source: www.hopkinsvillenostalgia.com

Matt is off being a video star with Chip and Bobby. Beisner emailed that he’s having Internet problems — huh? — which means you’re left with me, your favorite goofball Uncle Fake Gimel! As my favorite nieces and nephews, you guys know I’m not going to tell your Moms and Dads that you stayed up until 3AM watching Cinemax. Unca Fake appreciates your appreciation for the Red Shoe Diaries, youngins. Just don’t ruin my couch, okay?

But before I head upstairs for the night, we should appreciate something more than allusions to a teenager’s sexual discoveries back in the late 1990s. We should take a moment to remember that today in 1945, the unconditional surrender of Germany was accepted by the Allies. Those of us aged 50 or younger grew up in the shadows of the servicemen and servicewomen — some of whom gave the greatest sacrifice of their lives — to stop the Nazi aggression. Those of us aged 30 or younger only connect to World War II through history books, movies and videogames; not truly experiencing the anxiety that gripped the world and the bravery of those who fought. To honor them, try to hug a Vet or an active serviceman/reserve today while you’re waiting for more breaking — and entering! ha! — news about John Wall.

To the Newsreel!

* Did I say something about John Wall? Yeah, nobody is still sure what he’s going to do. The C-J’s Jody Demling still thinks even Wall himself hasn’t decided yet. One thing I’ve noticed in the last 72 hours of Wall-to-Wall Coverage — okay, even I groaned out loud at that, sorry — that Wall’s almost-for-sure nearly-guaranteed top 3 schools are UK, South Beach Miami and Duke. Missing is Florida, who is looking at a very difficult point guard situation next year if Butt-Head stays in the NBA Draft.

Its shocking how Billy Donovan has seemingly goofed up his recruiting mojo the past couple of years. Maybe the addition of Lil’ Richard will help.

In case you were wondering, this is how my twisted mind works: I type “Wall-to-Wall Coverage” and immediately I start singing aloud “and a wallet full of credit cards”:

* Oh, and about Lil’ Richard’s Daddy. Matt noted earlier that there’s a lot of Pitino-related pssst!-ing going around the ‘ville and the series of tubes today. The latest: Yahoo! Sports’ Adrian Wojnarowski reporting tonight that Pitino is a candidate for the Sacramento Kings’ head coaching position. While Card fans may want to curb-stomp Adrian, one of the Kings owners said on record that they haven’t talked to Coach Pitino again. And the C-J’s Rich Bozich thinks the move makes no sense.

If Rick is feeling the call of professional basketball coaching, I have a better suggestion: Give Rick the coaching job of the Milwaukee Bucks Minnesota Timberwolves, and then hire ESPN’s Sports Guy Bill Simmons as the General Manager. Simmons has been openly petitioning for the Bucks GM job T-Wolves GM job. Simmons has openly loathed Coach Pitino due to Pitino’s prior management of the Celtics job. Having those two working together would be Must See TV. Will the Sports Gal and Joanne get along? Will Rick get along with Simmons’ dog Rufus? What if Karen Sypher is hired as Simmons’ secretary?

Update by Fake Gimel: Simmons petitioned for the Bucks job last year, and the T-Wolves job this year. As always, I’m an idiot. But at least I can edit my own posts.

* Now a real news item that made my eyebrow twitch: Kentucky Ink’s Chris Fisher reporting that, “CBS College Sports” reported that Patterson will be returning to UK. That must have been on CBS’s College Sports cable network, because I sure has heck can’t find it on the CBS Sportsline site. (And you know Gregg Doyel would be taunting Matt viciously if Gregg found out before Matt.) Chris Fisher also reported that his source indicated that Patrick “didn’t seem very interested” to work out for the Pistons. Without qualification of why Pat didn’t seem interested we have no idea how to quantify that description. Was Pat zonked from taking finals? Maybe he just woke up from a nap? Or maybe Allen Iverson haunts Patrick’s nightmares?

Bozich reported on zee Twitter that a NBA Scout told him that Patterson was a top-20 pick. Fellow C-Jer Brett Dawson reported on Twitter that the reports of Patterson’s return is a “misunderstanding”, which doesn’t rule out Pat’s ultimate return.

June 15 — the last day to withdraw from the draft — can’t come fast enough.

* Speaking of Twitter:

fakebillyclyde l yes

I appreciate good fakery when I see it.

(Pssst! Help me get more followers than Beisner!)

* Lots going on in the non-basketball and non-football sports. The softball, women’s golf, men’s and women’s tennis teams are competing in their respective SEC Tournaments. Baseball plays a big series with Auburn this weekend. More details at UKAthletics dot com.

* TC Drake, Jodie Meeks knows your pain. Get better soon.

* Oh, almost forgot about Jon Hood. By all reports — including this one by the lovely Matt May at Cats Pause — he’s gettin’ a scholly. And he deserves a scholly, no diggity.

I’m sure I missed something from today. If its important, Matt and the rest of your KSR Family will be talking about it later today. Remember kiddies, follow the KSR Twitter account for updates on the go. My family finally stopped calling me now that they can follow Matt directly. I really miss talking to them.

Lots of fun and excitement await you on this victorious (in Europe!) day. Time to party, J-POP style!

Article written by The Fake Gimel Martinez

I may be fake, but my passion for UK sports is real. Probably put all my best work at Aseaofblue.com and firebilly.com, so go there when I start coasting here.