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Want to be Tennessee’s next AD? You have to pass the test…

The search continues for the next athletic director at the University of Tennessee. Are you interested? Of course you are.

John Adams at GoVolsXtra.com put together a test for all Tennessee AD candidates. Adams says candidates should be required to take the test orally in the presence of the search committee.

I didn’t like his test. I made my own. You should take it.

Better yet, you should print it, fill it out, and fax it to (770) 804-1917. That’s the Parker Executive Search committee. They’d love to hear of your interest in the job.

Good luck!

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1. You just woke up from a holiday weekend bender on your house boat on the Tennessee River to find that you hired Derek Dooley to replace Lane Kiffin as Tennessee’s head football coach. Do you…

a. … defend his 17-20 record over the last three years at Louisiana Tech.

b. … sell the house boat and swear off partying forever.

c. … fire whoever suggested Derek Dooley to you.

d. … even know who Derek Dooley is.

2. Your basketball coach invites you to a cookout at his home with friends, family, and recruits. It’s an NCAA violation. What do you do?

a. Pretend you didn’t know it happened if the NCAA ever finds out.

b. Tell the coach to lie about it if the NCAA ever finds out.

c. Bring potato salad.

d. All of the above.

3. Layla Kiffin lost a contact lens somewhere on the floor of your office. What do you do?

a. Grab a flashlight and assist her in the search.

b. Tell Layla to step back so that you can find the contact lens for her.

c. Offer to have an intern go to the Kiffin home to retrieve a new contact lens and remind her that all eye care is covered in the university’s insurance plan.

d. Sit back in your chair and watch as Layla Kiffin crawls around on all fours in your office. Maybe even use your cell phone to take pictures for the personal collection, while remembering to turn the phone on silent so the shutter sound does not alert her to your mischievous ways.

4. Two of Tennessee’s best athletes were arrested for possession of marijuana. How do you handle it?

a. Leave the punishment up to their coach, but strongly recommend that both players be suspended indefinitely.

b. Call your contact in the Knoxville Police Department and ask that the charges be dropped and swept under the table in exchange for front row tickets to the Kentucky game.

c. Kick both players off the team and revoke their scholarships immediately.

d. Break personal ties with the two athletes and find a new supplier that’s more cautious when delivering your weed.

5. You just woke up from a holiday weekend bender at your timeshare in Gatlinburg to find that you hired Cuonzo Martin to replace Bruce Pearl as Tennessee’s head basketball coach. Do you…

a. … Wikipedia Cuonzo Martin and then defend his 61-41 record over the last three years at Missouri State.

b. … fire whoever you hired to replace the guy you fired for the Derek Dooley suggestion.

c. … admit you have a problem and seek help.

d. Who the hell is Cuonzo Martin?

6. Fornicate one, marry one, kill one:

a. Pat Summit

b. Peyton Manning

c. Phillip Fulmer

7. You just signed a lucrative deal with Nike that will be dispersed throughout all university departments, but Adidas holds the trademark rights on the ‘T’ logo. What will you use to replace the ‘T’ on football helmets, team uniforms, coaches’ hairy chests, merchandise, etc.?

a. A redesign of the ‘T’

b. An uzi.

c. A tear drop.

d. The picture of Layla Kiffin on all fours.

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Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

12 Comments for Want to be Tennessee’s next AD? You have to pass the test…



  1. man
    2:39 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    first



  2. Coach Phil
    2:44 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    I’m pretty sure Derek Dooley handed you your ass last year in his first year as coach and with the worst UT team since well I guess 1984.



  3. iWantToGrowUpToBeTheDrewFranklin
    2:45 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    1. You just woke up from a holiday weekend bender on your house boat on the Tennessee River to find that you hired Derek Dooley to replace Lane Kiffin as Tennessee’s head football coach. Do you…

    d. … even know who Derek Dooley is.

    2. Your basketball coach invites you to a cookout at his home with friends, family, and recruits. It’s an NCAA violation. What do you do?

    d. All of the above.

    3. Layla Kiffin lost a contact lens somewhere on the floor of your office. What do you do?

    d. Sit back in your chair and watch as Layla Kiffin crawls around on all fours in your office. Maybe even use your cell phone to take pictures for the personal collection, while remembering to turn the phone on silent so the shutter sound does not alert her to your mischievous ways.

    4. Two of Tennessee’s best athletes were arrested for possession of marijuana. How do you handle it?

    d. Break personal ties with the two athletes and find a new supplier that’s more cautious when delivering your weed.

    5. You just woke up from a holiday weekend bender at your timeshare in Gatlinburg to find that you hired Cuonzo Martin to replace Bruce Pearl as Tennessee’s head basketball coach. Do you…

    c. … admit you have a problem and seek help.
    d. Who the hell is Cuonzo Martin?

    6. Fornicate one, marry one, kill one:
    a. Fornicate with Pat Summit
    b. Marry Peyton Manning
    c. Kill Phillip Fulmer

    7. You just signed a lucrative deal with Nike that will be dispersed throughout all university departments, but Adidas holds the trademark rights on the ‘T’ logo. What will you use to replace the ‘T’ on football helmets, team uniforms, coaches’ hairy chests, merchandise, etc.?

    b. An uzi.

    d. The picture of Layla Kiffin on all fours.



  4. iWantToGrowUpToBeTheDrewFranklin
    2:46 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    Coach Phil, go back to GoVolsExtra and eat a doughnut..



  5. Mags Bennett
    2:50 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    For anyone playing at home the correct answer to #6 is D. All three, Phil Fulmer….if you answered anything different you are incorrect.



  6. Bill Braskey
    3:04 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    This guy is Thad Matta 2.0



  7. Poling Willie
    3:06 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    Past the test? C’mon, Drew



  8. Drew Franklin
    3:17 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    Wow. That was bad.



  9. WinstonSalemCat
    3:22 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    2} Success of a UT coach now determined by beating a sub-.500 UK team @ home. The big orange has become the little clementine.



  10. no
    3:24 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    lots of laughs from dis



  11. AManFromNantucket
    3:36 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    Check out the comments that the Tenn. fans put on the real article. Buncha whiny orange bastards.



  12. LigginsLoveSAT
    4:04 pm June 30, 2011 Permalink

    Can we get an ‘e’ option to Fill-in the blank with our own answers? Word or PDF would be sufficient. Well done regardless though.