Hello Cat fans,
(Not) Mitch Barnhart here. Just wanted to check in and see how you guys were doing since, ya know, the coaching search is over and all. Did ya hear about Mark Stoops? Boy oh boy, am I excited! We are ready to do football the right way, guys and gals. Kentucky will be rocking come next fall with a new lifeforce behind the program and facilities. Just like our great university, Mark comes from a lineage full of tradition and success. Let’s all rally behind him and pack Commonwealth every game next year. Whaddya say, guys?
I’m also writing to ask you to quickly fill out this Fan Satisfaction Survey regarding the football coaching search. Thank you. God bless you and yours.
1. How did you feel about the firing of Joker?
(a) He deserved one more year!
(b) Sad to see him go, but it had to be done.
(c) It was one year too late.
(d) I thought Heath Ledger was great as the Joker, I can’t believe they didn’t bring him back in the next one.
2. Were you happy that Joker coached the last two football games?
(a) Yes, his players and fans were able to give him a warm send-off.
(b) No, his time was at UK done.
(c) Indifferent. I stopped watching after the Vandy massacre.
(d) Um, I’m a UK basketball fan. What’s football?
3. Who was your initial #1 choice to be the next coach?
(a) Bobby Petrino!
(b) Adolph Rupp!
(c) Bill Belichick!
(d) …Mark Stoops?! Yeah!
(e) Other: ___________
4. How do you feel about the quick turnaround in finding a coach?
(a) Great, we had to use the headstart to our advantage to beat other big SEC schools out.
(b) Disappointed, a rushed decision is often the wrong one.
(c) Not sure, I’m still sobering up from the bourbon-induced haze that football season sent me into.
(d) Wait. We found a coach?! *quickly scrolls down the KSR feed*
5. What’s your level of satisfaction with the Mark Stoops hire?
(a) Excellent: Hell yeah! So excited.
(b) Good: Pretty good choice given the options.
(c) Average: But why didn’t we call Petrino, dag nabbit?!
(d) Poor: I support nothing having to do with gingers. Sue me.
Thanks for your participation, fans. Once again, welcome Coach Stoops! Big Blue Nation is ready to jump on board.