University of Louisville – They’re Miles Ahead
Or, you know. Not Okay.
Hey. I see you over there, rocking back and forth, clutching your bottle of Woodford. I know, last night still hurts. But it’s going to be okay. Know how I know? Because at worst, we get to watch Louisville swing for the fences and miss as they try and find another coach to take over their fallen program. Woo hoo!
I have a friend that busses tables at Porcini’s (not a joke,) and he found a list left by Tom Jurich for potential hires. Here is what we’re looking at, verbatim.
Mike Leach
Pros:
-Plays an exciting offense
-Looks like Vince Gill
-Gives great dating advice
Cons:
-Might be related to Tom Leach (could be a spy)
-Not actually Vince Gill
-Dislikes ‘fat little girlfriends.’ (Won’t get along with Pitino.)
Phil Fulmer
Pros:
-Knows how to reverse a teams fortunes
-Has beaten Kentucky within the past three years
-Preliminary checks say he’s hungry
Cons:
-Unsure if he’s hungry for another job, or just another pizza
Charlie Weis
Pros:
-To steal a coach from Notre Dame would be HUGE! Talk about the headlines.
-Patriots Offensive Coordinator? Yes please.
-Likes douchey QB’s
Cons:
-Makes Phil Fulmer look like Calista Flockhart. Might be hard to find the ‘right fit’ for him
-Might not be able to handle the high pressure job that comes with Louisville Football!
Brian Brohm
Pros:
-Bringing in a star NFL QB would be a big deal
-I’m told he has a rocket for an arm (can someone look into this? If true, we should hire THE BIONIC MAN lol!)
-Has huge Louisville ties
Cons:
-Inexperienced
-Might ‘go rogue’
-Possibly only has one functioning arm
Billy Gillispie
Pros:
-Not really doing anything right now
-Loves Kentucky
-Seems like a great guy, would probably be fun to go out with
-Last time we hired a former UK basketball, I got to keep my job
Cons:
-No golf courses are open past midnight in Louisville
While the present for little brother seems a little fuzzy, their future looks bright. If I were you, I’d go with Clyde.
