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University of Louisville – They’re Miles Ahead

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Or, you know.  Not Okay.

Hey.  I see you over there, rocking back and forth, clutching your bottle of Woodford.  I know, last night still hurts.  But it’s going to be okay.  Know how I know?  Because at worst, we get to watch Louisville swing for the fences and miss as they try and find another coach to take over their fallen program.  Woo hoo!

I have a friend that busses tables at Porcini’s (not a joke,) and he found a list left by Tom Jurich for potential hires.  Here is what we’re looking at, verbatim.

Mike Leach

Pros:

-Plays an exciting offense

-Looks like Vince Gill

-Gives great dating advice

Cons:

-Might be related to Tom Leach (could be a spy)

-Not actually Vince Gill

-Dislikes ‘fat little girlfriends.’ (Won’t get along with Pitino.)

Phil Fulmer

Pros:

-Knows how to reverse a teams fortunes

-Has beaten Kentucky within the past three years

-Preliminary checks say he’s hungry

Cons:

-Unsure if he’s hungry for another job, or just another pizza

Charlie Weis

Pros:

-To steal a coach from Notre Dame would be HUGE!  Talk about the headlines.

-Patriots Offensive Coordinator?    Yes please.

-Likes douchey QB’s

Cons:

-Makes Phil Fulmer look like Calista Flockhart.  Might be hard to find the ‘right fit’ for him

-Might not be able to handle the high pressure job that comes with Louisville Football!

Brian Brohm

Pros:

-Bringing in a star NFL QB would be a big deal

-I’m told he has a rocket for an arm (can someone look into this?  If true, we should hire THE BIONIC MAN lol!)

-Has huge Louisville ties

Cons:

-Inexperienced

-Might ‘go rogue’

-Possibly only has one functioning arm

Billy Gillispie

Pros:

-Not really doing anything right now

-Loves Kentucky

-Seems like a great guy, would probably be fun to go out with

-Last time we hired a former UK basketball, I got to keep my job

Cons:

-No golf courses are open past midnight in Louisville

While the present for little brother seems a little fuzzy, their future looks bright. If I were you, I’d go with Clyde.

Article written by Will Lentz