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Twitter 101: Special Louisville Edition

Everyone take a seat, please. Quiet down. Quiet down.

Hey, you in the back, you have five seconds to finish your Faygo and throw it away. Food and drink are prohibited in this classroom. And put your cigarette out, too. Don’t make me tell you again.

Now, WELCOME to a very special “Introduction to Twitter” course, or “Twitter 101” for short. Today, you, Louisville fans, will learn how to properly use the popular social media network to better communicate with peers, receive timely news updates, connect with your target audience, and, most importantly, talk trash to Kentucky fans. Many of you are already very active on Twitter, but Twitter 101 will teach you new tricks and methods to maximize usability while not looking like a complete douchebag. Because, honestly, 99% of you do.

Let’s get started.

There are over 500 million people using Twitter all over the world, so finding an available Twitter handle is not easy. In fact, it can be very frustrating. You know that feeling when you’re scrambling to find a bottle of Crown Royal on the morning of a home football game? It can be nearly impossible. That’s because so many people are looking for the very same thing you are. Demand outweighs supply. In this case, demand is a catchy, clever Twitter handle that hasn’t already been claimed.

Now, think about those times you can’t find Crown and you’re already running late for the tailgate. It’s a nightmare, isn’t it? Your T-Mobile is ringing off the hook and “Where u at dogg?” text messages flood your inbox from everyone already out there. They’re irritated because it’s your Saturday to bring the dice and you’re nowhere to be found.

So what do you do?

You compromise. You settle for what you can obtain. You buy Canadian Club, Canadian Hunter, or Royal Canadian. It’s not what you set out to get, but it will get the job done.

Choosing a Twitter handle is no different.

If @CardStrong, @CardNation, or @GoCards are unavailable, you may have to add a number to the end of the handle. Try @CardStrong88, @CardNation1, or @GoCards3333. It’s not what you originally wanted, but like the Saturday morning Crown Royal hunt, sometimes you have to settle for something close if your first choice isn’t there.

LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR ABOUT TWITTER HANDLES BEFORE WE MOVE ON.

DO NOT select a Twitter handle that gives UK fans a reason to make fun of you.

Write that down.

DO NOT select a Twitter handle that gives UK fans a reason to make fun of you.

There are three easy rules to help keep this from happening:

Rule #1: Avoid anything containing “DaVille”

Rule #2: You’re not a “BOSS,” “DAWG,” or “SOLDIER,” and if you were, I wouldn’t have to tell you to refrain from calling yourself one.

Rule #3: The number 69 is unacceptable.

In short, keep it as classy as possible.

Plain and simple.

This isn’t up for debate.

There is nothing wrong with using Twitter to insult others, specifically Kentucky fans and KSR. Just be good at it and keep it in good fun.

DO: Be creative! Be original!

DON’T: Do this…

That embarrasses the entire fanbase. There’s no place for that.

 

DO: Be witty! Be funny!

DON’T: Do this…

AIDS too? It seems unnecessary with the whole death by car wreck thing.

I’ve noticed most of you struggle with grammar — or “grammer”, as you call it — on Twitter. That is UNACCEPTABLE.

If you’re ever in doubt, refer back to the English manual you were given with your GED Prep Test.

Here are a few examples…

Your/You’re

“Your a little bitch.”
“You’re a little bitch.”

“Your Cats are going down!”
“You’re Cats are going down!”

 

There/Their/They’re

There are too many UK fans in this bar.
Their are too many UK fans in this bar.
They’re are too many UK fans in this bar.

There basketball players got paid.
Their basketball players got paid.
They’re basketball players got paid.

There going to get spanked by the Cards!
Their going to get spanked by the Cards!
They’re going to get spanked by the Cards!

A hashtag is used to mark keywords or topics in a Tweet. It was created organically by Twitter users as a way to categorize messages, but it can also be a great way to make your tweet really jump off the page or out of the smartphone.

Take UK’s hashtags, for example:

#BBN

#WeAreUK

#GoBigBlue

They’re very straightforward, which is why they’re frequently used by Kentucky fans.

 

But let’s look at some of Louisville’s most popular hashtags:

#CardSoHard

#BirdGang

#L1C4

 

No. No. No.

No.

Go back to the drawing board.

Take everything you’ve learned today and it should save you from being a douchebag on Twitter. BUT, at the end of the day, only YOU can prevent douchebaggery.

Good luck with that, Louisville fans.

 

Class dismissed.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

44 Comments for Twitter 101: Special Louisville Edition



  1. Behind Enemy Lines
    9:04 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Good start to the day, Drew. Love the line-beard on the Twitter bird.



  2. Mattd
    9:06 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    The most terrific twitter bird ever. I think giving the bird the line beard was a stroke of genius.



  3. shaft
    9:08 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    FIRST!



  4. Crush little red
    9:12 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Great start drew! Working with what they give you – man, they make it easy!!



  5. Micah
    9:13 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Thanks for the laughs this morning guys, this cracked me up



  6. FDAULS
    9:13 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    And Franklin comes roaring out of the Blue corner at the opening bell to land a haymaker right upside those filthy beaks! Bravo!



  7. jared in stl
    9:18 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Im not the biggest KSR fan, I dont think Matt Jones likes to hear arguments that are not coinciding with his own views. However, the “Louisville hate week” pictures have been priceless. Thanks guys.



  8. Rick in Nash
    9:18 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Aids too? Hilarious.



  9. Uncle Buck
    9:21 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Hilarious.



  10. Card Boss Soldier
    9:22 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Your not funny



  11. Dh
    9:24 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Fantastic!



  12. Jacob "Da Boss"
    9:26 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    PRICELESS DREW!!! Well done! You left out that if your name is St Claire…your not a gangster!



  13. Jax Teller
    9:27 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Drew killing it a usual. Kicking things off in style, it’s gonna be a good day.



  14. BobKYCats
    9:27 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    A UK fan walks into a bar, takes a seat, orders a drink, and while he’s waiting, he turns to his neighbor and says, “hey, I got a great UofL joke, you wanna hear it?”

    At this, his neighbor turns toward him and says, “before you tell your little joke, be aware of this. I’m 6-5, 350 pounds, and I’m a UofL fan. The guy behind me, he’s 6-8, 400 pounds, and he’s a UofL fan. And the guy behind you, he’s 7-0, 500 pounds, and he’s a UofL fan. Now do you still want to tell us your little joke?”

    The UK fan says, “no, that’s okay. I’d hate to have to explain it three times.”



  15. Hulk Hogan
    9:34 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I HATE UL Brother!!! UK by 7 in Lighting Gate part 2!



  16. Poco Chang
    9:34 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Nice job mixing the tribal tat with the calligraphic “L” tat on the Twitter Bird.



  17. Head Bussa
    9:40 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Oustanding post, Drew. You are one creative and funny dude.



  18. Bojangles
    9:40 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Hahahahahahhahaha. YES!



  19. Musehobo
    9:41 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Very funny Drew. This makes me miss those now rare C.M. Tomlin posts.



  20. king cat
    9:44 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    linebeard AND tats on the wings, hahahahahahahah



  21. Frew Dranklin
    9:49 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Well done Mr. Franklin! #L1CDouchebags



  22. CatsFan502
    9:50 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #10 I see what you did there.



  23. Cotton Nash
    9:59 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Drew Frankin for President!!!



  24. 2Things
    10:00 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Do me a favor and do these two things:

    Search twitter for #BBN and see the utter madness that is Big Blue Nation, then consider the irony of the poor joke being made here.

    Google “Kentucky fans”, take a gander at the first dozen or so results associated with the search, do the same for Louisville fans, tell me what you see.

    You guys are the worst fan base in all of America, and the only people who don’t realize it are Matt Jones and every due-paying member of the KKK.



  25. Cotton Nash
    10:00 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    That’s “Franklin”,..not “Frankin”



  26. 2Things
    10:02 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Although I do truly enjoy Drew Franklin’s writing. I have an unfortunate disposition towards clever diction.



  27. 2Things
    10:05 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I eat crayons.



  28. 2Things
    10:08 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I think of Strong and Pitino when I’m in the shower



  29. jill
    10:17 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #26…Drew and “diction” in same sentence…how appropriate.



  30. trying to make some pocket change
    10:20 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Does anyone know of a good sports betting website? Im trying to get in on this +14



  31. Wildcatgal
    10:21 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I love you, Drew Franklin. That’s the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time.



  32. Common Sense
    10:21 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Beyond funny. I’m glad it’s only 10:20am on #LouisvilleHateDay



  33. James K
    10:24 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    That was a good one, Drew. Nice photoshop work, too.



  34. Common Sense
    10:25 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    But seriously, in a completely unbiased opinion, I think “#L1C4” is so stupid. I even have a card friend (I know, I know, but I grew up with him) that thinks it is so dumb.



  35. UKFan
    10:25 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Everyone is gonna be tweeting that Cody Philhower guy…i kinda feel bad…no i don’t



  36. KcMunk
    10:30 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #24 “Kentucky fans” on google pulls up pics of students celebrating a national title on state street.
    “Louisville Fans” pulls up a couple empty stadiums, MKG, Hoods and one pic from the final four. How did that work out for you?



  37. Sypher's aborted fetus
    10:33 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #29 jill and skank in the same sentence…how appropriate



  38. jill-fan-1
    10:34 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Hey! Jill is BACK! Keeping it classy sweetheart?



  39. Logic
    11:27 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I can’t hear you all over the logically fallacious appeals to popularity and anecdotal evidence.



  40. Logic
    11:44 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I am a fricking douchebag and I apologize. While trying to sound intellectual and such, in truth I am taking my own incoherent arguments and allowing a chimpanzee to restructure them into a legible, yet douchey, form.



  41. Kygrlnnm
    11:58 am August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #10…bless your little heart



  42. Logic
    12:21 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #40 – I didn’t make an argument. I simply pointed out that arguments based on appeals to popularity or anecdotal evidence are invalid.

    Also, if proper use of spelling, grammar, and syntax makes me a douche, then I will happily accept that title.



  43. H.A.Milton
    12:44 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Grammar on twitter? Are you kidding me, that’s like expecting Drew Franklin to be classy. Twitter is for butchering words and Drew Franklin is for being a douche bag.



  44. Louisville Sucks
    1:35 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    “Your T Mobile is ringing off the hook” hahahaha that’s the best line of the whole piece.