Tweet Beat: Time to kick back and unwind

As part of the never-ending quest to bring you University of Kentucky news in the most ridiculous manner possible, I comb the Twitter-verse each week for the funniest, oddest, and sometimes, nearly illegible tweets from your favorite players and personalities. Basically, I read Twitter so you don’t have to. Without further ado, here are the best tweets of the week.

There are no words:

In this week’s #NerlensKnows, Nerlens makes Kentucky fans all tingly with this “I gotta get #9” tweet:

Every day im hustlin’ on every court boomin’. Gettin’ that 9th banner i cant fathom, im such a student. I gtta get #9.

— Nerlens Noel (@NerlensNoel3) May 8, 2012

Twany Beckham‘s on board:

Tryna come back to the White House Nex yr #BBN #9

— Twany Beckham (@Twany_Beckham10) May 4, 2012

Me too, Kyle, me too:

Congrats to Eloy Vargas and Darius Miller for graduating from UK this past weekend. You know what graduation means…more dressing up and taking tons of pictures with your family. Eloy first, with his mom:

Darius didn’t post any graduation pics, but he did agree to take this very random snap with Danny Glover at the Derby:

Actor Danny Glover just asked @uknum1 Darius Miller for a photo. #kentuckyderby twitter.com/JPalumboFOX56/…

— Jennifer Palumbo (@JPalumboFOX56) May 5, 2012

Danny Glover being old makes me feel old.

A very happy Tweet Beat birthday to both @jpolson05 and @hoodyhood4. Jon Hood celebrated by buying himself a dog:

Happy Birthday to me!!! twitter.com/hoodyhood4/sta…

— Jon Hood (@hoodyhood4) May 9, 2012

Brian Long wasted no time getting his GTL on once he landed in Newark, heading to “the shore” the very next day. Maybe he can take Snooki’s place in the house this summer since she’s preggers?

Going down the shore tonight

— Brian Long (@BrianLong32) May 5, 2012

When he wasn’t buying dogs, Jon Hood was happy to be home, too:

Rat tails, mullets, coal miners, no traffic, sweet tea, home cooked meals, and good people…..gotta love the WKY #homesweethome

— Jon Hood (@hoodyhood4) May 7, 2012

Rex Chapman‘s daughter joined Twitter and wasted no time embarrassing her dad:

Mark Krebs spotted another sign of the Kentucky Effect in Louisville over the weekend:

UK Effect in Louisville twitter.com/MarkKrebs12/st…

— Mark Krebs Jr.(@MarkKrebs12) May 6, 2012

Who would pay $10 for Chris Smith‘s autograph?

And this is why Perry Stevenson is my favorite:

“hey I’m here” but secretly I’m a like a mile away and I just want u to come out early so I don’t have to wait on you.

— Perry Stevenson (@PSteve2122) May 9, 2012

Here’s your chance to play basketball with Ravi Moss!

Anybody have a church league team that I can play on or something?? Wanna play during the week and can’t get a game.

— Ravi (@ravimoss) May 3, 2012

What would you do if a freaking mattress flew into your windshield while driving?

Whew, praise God! On 65 S, a mattress flys onto my windshield & couldn’t see a thing. Proverbs 3 5,6. Better ask somebody!!! #Godisgood

— Walter McCarty (@waltermccarty) May 8, 2012

Bret Bearup welcomed Scott Padgett to Twitter last week, and gave him some friendly advice:

@ScottPadgett34 I’d recommend getting a picture for your avatar instead of an egg, first of all.Nobody likes to follow eggs.

— Bret Bearup (@BretBearup) May 3, 2012

Your move, Oscar Combs…

Ashley Judd continues to work with Walter, an abused dog she rescued recently. That is awesome, and I totally applaud her for her effort, but does Walter really need a patch of grass (moss?) to lay his head on while he sleeps?

I really like this evening’s bedtime snap of #Walter. I may be making it up, but I see a softening that seems positive. twitter.com/AshleyJudd/sta…

— ashley judd (@AshleyJudd) May 10, 2012

John Wall and Aaron Rodgers have struck up a friendship recently, with Rodgers sending Wall this autographed jersey:

…and Wall returning the favor by sending him a pair of his shoes:

No prob homie and appreciate that RT @AaronRodgers12: @John_Wall thanks for the shoes buddy, love watching u play!

— John Wall (@John_Wall) May 10, 2012

My theory: they bonded over Randall Cobb’s eyes.

Speaking of, looking sharp, Golden Eyes…

With my boys @dj45williams and @rcobb18 on the red carpet. #kentuckyderby twitter.com/Chad_Sanders/s…

— Chad Sanders (@Chad_Sanders) May 6, 2012

Moncell Allen shared a #tmitweet earlier this week. Word to the wise people: never tweet from the toilet. Never.

Yeah, Wesley Woodyard, that is an awkward moment:

#ThatAwkwardMoment when your girlfriend walks in the room and you got on just socks. Arahhh hey babe… What lotion? Dat ain’t mines

— Wesley Woodyard (@WoodDro52) May 6, 2012

Well, at least Maxwell Smith has the right attitude:

Well Cali was good for a few days…can I head back to Lex and get to work with the crew now!!? #BBN

— Maxwell Smith (@Maxwe11uk) May 7, 2012

Watch out, Europe! Aaron Boyd is in the house! #ohboyd

Off to Amsterdam! Wheels up

— Aaron Boydâ„¢ (@Oh_Boyd) May 9, 2012

I am suddenly really excited about next week’s Tweet Beat.

Hey, it’s interactive Tweet Beat time!

My house is hotter than..(you fill in the blank).

— Morgan Newton (@monewt12) May 7, 2012

…Doron Lamb’s jumpshot, A Friday night in Porcini’s, Jon Hamm, Richie Farmer’s credit card, Joe B. Hall’s fishin line, Pete Thamel’s ego…keep ’em coming.

Ladies, you might look like Kate Upton, but unless you can cook, Smooth isn’t interested:

She Looking Good… Yea She A Good Look. But I Wonder What’s Under The Surface, Is She A Good Cook? Lol

— Ramel Smooth Bradley (@dreamsmooth) May 9, 2012

It was a close contest, but I had to give this week’s “Tweet that makes you go ‘Aww'” to Sam Malone and his kitten:

However, Doron Lamb throwing up three goggles at the children’s hospital was a very, very close second:

…and in third, Eric Bledsoe and his daughter at the playground:

Bookie has been quiet on Twitter this week. Maybe he’s distracted? #bookietweetoftheweek #ladyfriend #whoacleavage

We need you too, Bookie. Until next time, RT plz?