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Tucker Max Scores One For The Wildcats In The Swamp


What has Tim Tebow not done at Florida? He has two national championships and a heisman trophy, he’s a two time All-American, GQ cover model, number one image in the Urban Meyer spank bank, and captain/leader of the soon to be 2010 National Champions. He has done it all… well, almost. He has never had sex with a girl on the goal line at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium (or in a bed for that matter). Florida, we see your Tebow and we raise you our Tucker Max…

From Tucker’s movie blog:

No matter what else happens on this tour, with this movie, or in my life, I don’t care. I can die happy, because last night I did what no other Kentuckian has done in years: I scored at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium, aka The Swamp.

I mean this literally. I snuck in to the stadium, with a girl, and had sex with her on the goal line of the south end zone. Right below the goal posts, underneath the national championship signs.

If this gets me in trouble, I don’t care. If the Gainesville PD puts out a warrant for my arrest for some bulls*** misdemeanor, so be it, I will turn myself in and deal with it. If it means I get banned from UF, that would suck, but those are consequences I have to live with. No matter what happens, it will all be worth it, because now, every time I watch UF play, even though goddamn Tim Tebow may be unstoppable, even though UF has more team speed than a pack of cheetahs and destroys my beloved Wildcats every year, I know that they have to cross the place where I had sex with a girl to do it.

Take that Florida.  I don’t even care what the scoreboard says when you come to Commonwealth on September 26th.  In my mind, we’ve already won.  Tucker, I think I speak for all of Big Blue Nation when I say, thank you.  Thank you for being a Wildcat. 

Now, back to Matt with the demise of Billy Gillispie.  I’m off to Neyland Stadium for the night, I have another score to settle.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR