It has come to my attention that UK basketball fan extraordinaire (and one of the Commonwealth’s better known pieces of eye-candy) Ashley Judd received treatment earlier this year for a bout with depression. In fact, she spent 47 days recuperating at a treatment facility and has emerged with a much more positive view on life. Says Judd, ” I was unhappy, and now I’m happy. Now, even when I’m having a rough day, it’s better than my best day before treatment.” I, for one, salute Mrs. Judd-Franchitti and hope that she will have much success battling her illness in the future.
Now while one must empathize with Ashley, it is also necessary to lay the blame squarely at the feet of Tubby Smith. In no way am I arguing that Tubby is solely responsible for Ashley’s depression as she claims that it traces its roots back to a dysfunctional childhood. Having said that, I find it “conincidental” that Ashley ultimately sought treatment this year. Could it be that the atrocious season had by the Wildcats ultimately sent Ashley over the edge and made her realize that she needed treatment? If that’s the case, then one must logically conclude that TUBBY SMITH CAUSES DEPRESSION. While I’m sure that the “scientific community” would scoff at such a claim, I would argue that it merits research and that our tax dollars should be spent investigating my hypothesis. Accordingly, it not only behooves UK to rid itself of Tubby due to his less-than-stellar recruiting, less-than-frinetic offense, and less-than-pleasant manner of dress (well, not this last one–seems like the good folks at Dawahares do a wonderful job outfitting Tubby. That’s right Dawahares–from Paducah to Pikeville, high quality and affordable clothing for the entire family is only a short drive away!), but also for the general mood in a state where we love our Cats more than the brown bread they serve at Outback. In short, Drain the Tub.
Post Script: Before I get complaints about this let me make it clear that this passage is satirical in nature. If you didn’t get that from the initial reading of the post, then you make me sad. I also understand the seriousness of depression, as I know a great deal about this disease. Depression is not funny. SARS, Bird flu, and especially Scurvy are funny, but an Ashley Judd scurvy story doesn’t quite make sense nor is it true. Thus, my decision to go with the above post.