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Top 10 Dads I’m Glad I Don’t Have

Father’s Day is Sunday (you’re welcome for the reminder) so I’d like to go ahead and wish all of the dads out there an early Happy Father’s Day. Well, except for these ten nut cases. Here are ten sports fathers who really make us thankful for our own…

10.) Kenny Anderson – Since leaving the NBA, Kenny Anderson has stiffed at least five of his seven children out of child support. His first wife, one of the three women accusing Anderson of negligence, claims that he owes her children over $100,000.

9.) Karl Malone – It took 18 years for Karl Malone to contact his son Demeterius Bell, whose mother had him when she was 13 years old. What does one say to make up for 18 years of silence? Well, “The Mailman” said, “it’s too late for me to be your father, you’ll earn your money on your own.”

8.) Shawn Kemp – No raincoats for “The Reign Man.” Kemp has 7 children with 6 different women. At least he is a good role model – Kemp was busted for 60 grams of weed, cocaine, and some pistols.

7.) Evander Holyfield – Evander has 11 children by numerous women. I hope the devout Christian can find a church with long enough pews to accomodate all of his offspring.

6.) Richard Williams – Venus and Serena’s old man is your typical deadbeat sports father. His baby daughters were more like dollar signs than children. He pushed them to train constantly at a very young age on public courts in Compton (where his step daughter was later gunned down in 2003). His “business venture” appears to have paid off but he is still a lunatic. Have you seen him in the stands during their matches? The man is nuts.

5.) Travis Henry – 11 children with 10 different women. That’s just impressive. The man has fathered his own pee-wee football team.

4.) Damir Dokic – What is it with tennis dads? Dokic, father of Serbian tennis player Jelena Dokic, is a mad man. He beat Jelena as a child and claimed he did it for her sake and that he was glad that his parents beat him. Dokic was kicked out of nearly every match his daughter played in. Eventually, Jelena moved to Australia to get away from her father. This explains why Damir Dokic threatened to kill the Australian Ambassador to Serbia with a rocket launcher. A ROCKET LAUNCHER.

3.) Marv Marinovich – Remember Todd Marinovich? He was Ryan Leaf before Ryan Leaf. His father, Marv, trained him to be a professional quarterback from birth. Todd was throwing a football at the age of three, he wasn’t allowed any junk food, and was forced to run four miles on his fourth birthday. Todd ended up being a complete head case after being drafted out of USC and has since been arrested for everything from drugs to sexual assault to excessive consumption of Skittles and Pepsi.

2.) Calvin Murphy – 14 children by 9 different women and he was accused of molesting 5 of them. Calvin probably could’ve been #1 on this but some dads just can’t be topped…

1.) Chris Benoit

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR