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Tips For Your Completely Inactive Work Day

As resident not-really-working-full-time guy here at KSR (don’t look at me like that. You try finding a job. That’s what I thought. Now get back to pretend working because OH MY GOD YOUR BOSS IS BEHIND YOU!), I’d like to clue you in a few dos and donts of our little sweat session that should last almost all day (<—–total guess).

The Jodie Meeks decision has certainly crab-dribbled its way to the forefront of your psyche, and despite what your co-workers/wife/parents think, that’s exactly where it belongs. Hence, here are some pointers from me—the expert in all things I lost my train of thought Internet something something.

Anyway.

Twitter: Bygawd, if anything is going to keep you updated it will be a tiny picture of Matt’s dome and the tweet alongside it. It’s easy to conceal from the bossman, and if you have Tweet Deck, it updates automatically.

Stay Away From Message Boards: Yeah, I said it. And this is not to discredit the insiders at the respective message boards, but when you are banging around on the free section, the posts never fail to devolve into a pissing contest on who’s information is better. Plus, people make stuff up. Because they’re stupid. And I read it and believe it. Because I’m stupid.

Don’t Let the Office Lame-O’s Know That Their Are Big Goings-On: You are only lending yourself to Joyce from accounting coming to your desk with a “scoop” that makes no sense but really gets you worried. Example: “I heard Joey Meeks’ family may be moving to Charlotte.” You’ll dismiss it at first, but if that festers on your brain, you may end up snapping at Joyce when her Tuna au Gratin Lean Cuisine stinks up the entire office.

Keep From Being Around Loo-a-vuhl/Vawl Fans: This pretty much always applies.

Well, good luck. Happy refreshing.

Article written by Evan Hilbert