The freshmen are here! The freshmen are here! And we need pictures of them. From you. But, what if you’re not
Bruce Pearl practiced in the art of stalking 18-year-olds? As someone who has met like five celebrities in my life (including Tayshaun Prince in Vegas…more on that later), I’m here to help. Here’s a list of tips on how to make a good, if slightly fanatical, impression:
What to bring:
– Pen/Sharpie, because you’ll know you’ll want an autograph
– Oh-so-sleuthy stalking sunglasses
– A friend to keep you company/calm you down/laugh at you
…so, basically, things you probably have with you at any given moment.
ACT ONE: Sighting
– First things first: CALM DOWN. Nothing spooks celebrities more than people pointing and shouting. Be cool about it. Besides, these are normal people…with freakish bodies, extraordinary talent, and enviable futures.
– Calm yet? If you’re brave enough to approach the player, slowly (but not creepy slow) walk over.
ACT TWO: Interaction
– The player will probably be with other players. Or hot young ladies. Or both. If so, try to make eye contact and wait for a lull in the conversation. [Not happening? When I met Tayshaun in Vegas, he was playing the slots and wouldn’t look up. Being the fangirl I am, I (politely) tugged on his sleeve.]
– Politely tell the player who you are and that you’re a big fan.
– If you can, make conversation. Tell an anecdote about the player or your UK fandom. Examples: how happy you were when you heard they signed with Kentucky, the sheer brilliance of the #AnthonyDavisSaysShutUp video (if it’s Anthony Davis), or how excited you are to see them lace them up against Louisville. Trust me, they will really appreciate your effort. Plus, it may get you a more personalized autograph, or even better picture.
– Go time. Ask for the autograph or picture. Bonus points if you sneak in a KSR reference (double bonus for BTI insults)
– Okay, ladies, a note on cleavage autographs: I only recommend it under extreme circumstances, like late night at Two Keys when you’re already wasted and it’s pretty much inevitable. Or if it’s Randall Cobb. But, if you must, some advice: flat-tipped sharpies work best. Be somewhat classy and have him sign closer to the neck than the goods.
ACT THREE: Exit
– Be gracious, but for goodness’ sake, don’t slobber on the poor guy. Thank him, shake his hand if he extends it, then leave. A quick “Go Cats” is also acceptable. DO NOT ask for their phone number or if you can be their friend on Facebook. Just..don’t.
ACT FOUR: Celebration
– You did it–congrats! Live it up and brag to all of your friends.
Oh yeah, send us the pics! Use the links at the top of the page or, if you must, email me at [email protected].