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Tips for Polite Stalking

john-cusack-stalker

The freshmen are here! The freshmen are here! And we need pictures of them. From you. But, what if you’re not Bruce Pearl practiced in the art of stalking 18-year-olds? As someone who has met like five celebrities in my life (including Tayshaun Prince in Vegas…more on that later), I’m here to help. Here’s a list of tips on how to make a good, if slightly fanatical, impression:

What to bring:
– Smartphone/camera
– Pen/Sharpie, because you’ll know you’ll want an autograph
– Oh-so-sleuthy stalking sunglasses
– A friend to keep you company/calm you down/laugh at you

…so, basically, things you probably have with you at any given moment.

ACT ONE: Sighting

– First things first: CALM DOWN. Nothing spooks celebrities more than people pointing and shouting. Be cool about it. Besides, these are normal people…with freakish bodies, extraordinary talent, and enviable futures.
– Calm yet? If you’re brave enough to approach the player, slowly (but not creepy slow) walk over.

ACT TWO: Interaction
– The player will probably be with other players. Or hot young ladies. Or both. If so, try to make eye contact and wait for a lull in the conversation. [Not happening? When I met Tayshaun in Vegas, he was playing the slots and wouldn’t look up. Being the fangirl I am, I (politely) tugged on his sleeve.]
– Smile!
– Politely tell the player who you are and that you’re a big fan.
– If you can, make conversation. Tell an anecdote about the player or your UK fandom. Examples: how happy you were when you heard they signed with Kentucky, the sheer brilliance of the #AnthonyDavisSaysShutUp video (if it’s Anthony Davis), or how excited you are to see them lace them up against Louisville. Trust me, they will really appreciate your effort. Plus, it may get you a more personalized autograph, or even better picture.
– Go time. Ask for the autograph or picture. Bonus points if you sneak in a KSR reference (double bonus for BTI insults)
– Okay, ladies, a note on cleavage autographs: I only recommend it under extreme circumstances, like late night at Two Keys when you’re already wasted and it’s pretty much inevitable. Or if it’s Randall Cobb. But, if you must, some advice: flat-tipped sharpies work best. Be somewhat classy and have him sign closer to the neck than the goods.

ACT THREE: Exit

– Be gracious, but for goodness’ sake, don’t slobber on the poor guy. Thank him, shake his hand if he extends it, then leave. A quick “Go Cats” is also acceptable. DO NOT ask for their phone number or if you can be their friend on Facebook. Just..don’t.

ACT FOUR: Celebration
– You did it–congrats! Live it up and brag to all of your friends.

Oh yeah, send us the pics! Use the links at the top of the page or, if you must, email me at [email protected].

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

11 Comments for Tips for Polite Stalking



  1. E.Sutton
    8:07 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    first



  2. Hestkuk
    8:08 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    Do you really need to ask for people to send pics of the freshman? People do it all the time without being provoked, no need to beg for it.



  3. Who Knew
    8:16 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    *eye roll*



  4. GoCats2
    8:19 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    I would say the players only consider it stalking when its a guy doing this stuff, they dont seem to mind if the ladies are doing it. The players really do frown on cleavage autographs on the guys, though. However I could give a few ladies a run for their money.



  5. TheFakeJamaalMagloire
    8:30 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    Or you can be an adult about it and not stalk them. I’ve met hundreds of celebrities and did it with out stalking, asking for autographes, or taking pictures. I did however ask Jessica Simpson if I could sign her cleavage.



  6. Anthony Weiner
    8:40 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    Do you have a twitter account I can send photos to?



  7. JESUS Saves
    8:46 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    I sent Beisner a pic of me and my son with Ryan Harrow (taken today) but he never posted it.



  8. Wildcat rick
    8:50 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    How about weiner pics?



  9. goboxoutorgogetinbox
    8:56 pm June 8, 2011 Permalink

    or just quit being creepy. They are just normal people. Imagine they werent any good at basketball, would you give two ish’s about them…no.



  10. TonyDelk00
    8:15 am June 9, 2011 Permalink

    Funny but true! I had an encounter with Wayne Turner once and I’m pretty sure I went through all of these phases. I fumbled my words a bit and probably looked like a dummy, but I don’t care… I talked to Wayne Turner!



  11. UK_Legggooo
    9:56 am June 9, 2011 Permalink

    Hilarious