These guys are out. In more ways than one.
Josh Harrellson signed his Letter of Intent with Kentucky just a few days ago, bringing to an end one of the most intriguing recruitments I think I’ve ever seen. Harrellson transformed from a virtually unkown JUCO player into a Bill Brasky-like figure and an instant cult hero in Lexington in just a matter of weeks. I guess we can pretty much thank ourselves for turning Josh into a cult figure before he even signed with the Cats, but the man definitely earned his loyal following with his undying passion to “bring back the jean shorts”, making the ladies smile and rocking a hellified chin strap. So, as a newfound Josh Harrellson fan, you have to ask yourself “What is next?”.
Well, my ability to grow facial hair falls well behind my own 15 year-old brother’s and I haven’t seen any online petitions to bring back the denim jerseys (hint, hint hardcore Kentucky fans), so I’m going to have to roll with the jorts movement. That’s right folks, it’s time to go shopping for some denim short pants to show your Harrellson support in 2008-09 and we’re here to provide you with the necessary tools to ensure shopping success.
Here are, basically, your only jean short options:
Daisy Dukes – Short, cut-off, and leaving little to the imagination. Unquestionably unacceptable for any male Kentucky fan, but the jort of choice for our long-legged, fair Kentucky dames. Ladies, just remember, the shorter the better. It worked for Jessica Simpson and it will work for you too. That is, unless you’re fat, because then you’re just S.O.L. and need to see the next category below. But, if you’re hot and having trouble deciding what the appropriate length should be, send all questions in photographic form to [email protected]. I’ll lend my expertise.
Hip Hop Jorts – Long, baggy and 100% badd-ass. These are the jorts de Harrellson and really the only one’s that I can find mildly acceptable to cover my thighs and love-making area. Men, this is what we need to be wearing if we truly want to be a Josh Harrellson groupie – or if you want someone to think that you were an extra in 8 Mile. I’m really hoping that I’m mistaken for both. The major catch with these, though, is that you have to make sure that they are absolutely plain. This means that you cannot have logos sewn all over your pair or sport jorts that look like someone took the Bedazzler to them. There is a fine line between bad-ass and boy band. Don’t cross it.
Now, according to the people at Texas Travesty and their analysis of the fashion phenomenon that is jorts, there are 5 important things to remember when going out to buy your own special pair of denim heaven:
1. The more pockets the better
2. Strategically placed holes around the thigh and knee area add style and panache
3. Frayed edges are good, but in small doses.
4. The bagginess of your jorts should be proportional to your weight.
5. Well, actually, we’re just going to stick with 4. Their fifth rule was entirely too stupid – even for this post.
Now, loyal Wildcat fans, go out into the world and buy your own pair so they will be properly broken in by the time next season starts. I promise that I’ll get mine later on. For now, I’m off to grub on wings and beer at the voluntary sausage-fest known as man night.
See you tomorrow.