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They Are Who We Thought They Were: Pittsburgh Panthers

With the conclusion of the football season comes the end of TAWWTTW for another year.  I hope these previews were informative and helpful in your game preparation this season.  Come back next year as we do it all again in pursuit of a 14-0 record and a BCS Championship.  Now without further ado, ladies and gentlemen of Big Blue Nation, meet the Pittsburgh Panthers – they are who we thought they were.  (And they’re going down.)

Go Cats.

The University of Pittsburgh

The University of Pittsburgh, commonly known as Pitt, was founded by Hugh Henry Brackenridge in 1787. The school began as a preparatory school in a log cabin in the Western Pennsylvania frontier.  Today, the university is known for the development of the polio vaccine, the word’s largest organ transplant center, and Levance Fields’ 10+ years as the point guard of the Pitt basketball team.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

I spent a weekend in Pittsburgh for a bachelor party a few months ago and I can easily sum up the city in just a few words:  River, trash, beer, hills, beer, where’s the skyline?, casino, obnoxious Steelers fan, incline, tunnel, what’s that smell?, beer, narrow roads, Iron City, Primanti Brothers, hill, and beer.  Done.

Notable Alumni/Staff

Gene Kelly – #15 on AFI’s Greatest Male Stars of All-Time list.  Kelly was a dancer, actor, singer, film director and producer, and choreographer.  He is most known today for his performance in Singin’ in the Rain. He is also recognized as a key player in the influx of Benzoylmethyl Ecgonine (commonly known today as “cocaine”) into Los Angeles from Mexico in the 1940s.  Ok, I made that up.

Mark May – Former All-American offensive lineman for the Pitt Panthers.  Now, like Gene Kelly, he sings in the rain while serving as a human spit cup for Lou Holtz’s game analysis on ESPN.

Fred Rogers – Mr. Rogers always wanted a neighbor just like you. It was a beautiful day in his neighborhood, and a neighborly day in his beautyhood.  He always wanted to live by you.  Would you?  Would you be his?  – Sorry, Fred.  You gave me the make believe creeps.  I wouldn’t get within half a mile of your house no matter what shoes you had on.

Dan Marino – Lost 22 lbs. and is in the best shape of his life since turning to Nutrisystem’s simple meal plan.  Order now and get one week of food FREE!  That’s 28 meals!  POT ROAST!

David Dalessandro – Screenwriter of one of the most influential films of the 21st century, Snakes on a Plane

Cheerleader Scouting Report

The Panthers

The University of Pittsburgh claims that it was the first college or university to choose the panther as a mascot on November 16, 1909. According to alumnus George Baird, the reasons given were:

1. The panther was the most powerful animal that once roamed western Pennsylvania.
2. Its standing as a noble animal.
3. At the time, no other school used the panther as a symbol.
4. Its colors are similar to Pittsburgh’s colors of gold and blue.
5. The “happy accident of alliteration.”

Pitt Panther Football

Pitt is among the Top 20 college football programs in all-time wins.  The Panthers have won nine National Championships, eight of which were won between 1915 and 1937, or what we like to call the “Who Gives A S—? That Doesn’t Count” Era.  The university plays its home games at Heinz Field and has produced NFL Legends like Dan Marino, Mike Ditka, Tony Dorsett, and Marty Schottenheimer.

2010 Football Schedule/Results

09/02/10 at Utah L, 27-24 (OT)
09/11/10 vs. New Hampshire W, 38-16
09/23/10 vs. Miami L, 31-3
10/02/10 vs. Florida International W, 44-17
10/09/10 at Notre Dame L, 23-17
10/16/10 at Syracuse W, 45-14
10/23/10 vs. Rutgers W, 41-21
10/30/10 vs. Louisville W, 20-3
11/11/10 at Connecticut L, 30-28
11/20/10 at USF W, 17-10
11/26/10 vs. West Virginia L, 35-10
12/04/10 at Cincinnati W, 28-10

Head Coach: Dave Wannstedt

The Wannstache signed a two-year extension before the 2010 season and was forced into resignation after finishing with a disappointing 7-5 record despite Pitt’s #15 preseason ranking.

Head Coach: Mike Haywood

Mike Haywoodyouquithittingyourgirlfriend went undefeated in his 2 1/2 weeks as head coach of the Panthers.

Interim Head Coach: Phil Bennet

No one knows who this is.  And no one cares.

Players to Watch

#28  Dion Lewis, RB
(197 rushes, 956 yds, 12 TDs)

Dion Lewis’ numbers have dropped since finishing third in the country in rushing yards in 2009.  Coaches believe it’s because Dion missed a key preseason team meeting when players were told not to smile in team photos.

#82  Jon Baldwin, WR
(52 rec., 810 yds, 5 TDs)

Jon Baldwin has already announced he’ll enter the NFL Draft and he bashed his QB, coach, and team while doing so.  “Heck yeah, I’m leaving… It can only get worse… It felt like they were purposely trying to disrupt my draft stock.” Plus he kinda looks like Darnell Dodson to me.  Anyone else?  No?

#12  Tino Sunseri, QB
(214-327, 2,476 yds, 15 TDs, 8 INTs)

Tony Sunseri will be cast for Jersey Shore: Season 4 and I will not be convinced otherwise.


Cats are finna go B-Ham.

Kentucky 27, Pittsburgh 24 in Randall Cobb’s last game.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

63 Comments for They Are Who We Thought They Were: Pittsburgh Panthers

  1. BPsycho
    3:33 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Free Enes

  2. FREE
    3:34 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink


  3. catinhat
    3:35 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Free Enes

  4. lebsdad
    3:36 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    please stop posting football posts, it takes away from Enes Watch 11. FREE ENES!

  5. steviesdroppedtdcostmeagrand
    3:36 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    free enes

  6. RidgeRunner
    3:37 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    quote>David Dalessandro – Screenwriter of one of the most influential films of the 21st century, Snakes on a Plane<unquote…

    Free Enes!

  7. lebsdad
    3:37 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    LOL, you see, first 5 posts on the “football” story are ENES related.

  8. bearded gnome
    3:38 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    cheerleader has way to much hair…

  9. Jabaal Sheard
    3:38 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Thanks for the shoutout, but I will not be playing the bowl game

  10. BPsycho
    3:38 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    #6 LMAO

  11. deer boss
    3:39 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    yeah…what one thru six said!!

  12. catinhat
    3:39 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    8 – For looking at, yes. To be whipped with, absolutely no.

  13. lebsdad
    3:39 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    I hope they announce the ENES ruling right before kickoff of this stupid bowl game so noone pays attention to the game.

  14. ebell55
    3:40 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Don’t think Sheard is playing. He had surgery in order to prepare for the draft! Been to Pittsburg a lot of butter faces! I see why Big Ben goes ape sh*t when he sees a hot chick!!

  15. catfan38
    3:41 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    UK 24 – Pitt. 17

  16. lebsdad
    3:42 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Freeith thy Enes

  17. update needed
    3:43 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    From ESPN:

    Baylor hires SMU-ex Phil Bennett to run D
    Jan 7 2:17PM CT

    Haha… so he’s gone now too. I’m assuming he will stick around to coach this game but it sounds like no one wants to coach this team.

  18. bung
    3:43 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    more cheerleaders

  19. Jason
    3:43 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Sheard’s out for the game. Nice work, Drew.

  20. BPsycho
    3:43 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    #13 And the football team hopes you get hit by a truck, so what…

  21. Getcha Popcorn Ready
    3:43 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Forgotten notable Pitt alums: Mike Ditka, Tony Dorsett, Tony Siragusa, Larry Fitzgerald, Darelle Revis.

  22. Don
    3:45 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    PITT – 20
    UK – 17

  23. funny point made
    3:45 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Why is it that when you poke fun at Pitts National Championships by claiming that most of them came in the “Who Gives A S–? That Doesn’t Count” Era when 4 of UKs 7 National Championships in basketball were also in the “Who Gives A S–? That Doesn’t Count” Era? Pretty hypocritical observation!

  24. smitty
    3:46 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    don’t forget the one and only tony dorsett

  25. RidgeRunner
    3:48 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    23….Implode, will ya? Puleeeze!

  26. Mantan Moreland
    3:48 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Sheeeeeit, if this gon’ be that kinda party i’ma stick my enes in the mashed potatoes

  27. BPsycho
    3:48 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink


  28. Stickman
    3:49 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    It is what we thought it was–BBBVBVBVBVAAAABVBAABA Compass Bowl. Better known as yet another toilet bowl to end yet another lackluster season. I love the Wildcats, both football and basketball (Basketball way more obviously), but it’s disconcerting to watch the same crap year in and year out, knowing the absolute best we can hope for is a minor upset or two on the way to at best a 7 win season. It will be all too soon when we start hearing about the 2 and 3 star recruits Joke Phillips is bringing in for next year. Get the bowl game over with for God’s sake so we can concentrate 110% on basketball.

  29. lebsdad
    3:49 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    20 uh oh, id hate to have to argue with you and the other 3 UK football fans out there, UK football is what it is, a mediocre college football program that has to settle for meaningless bowl games after .500 seasons because they can’t or wont compete with the gig guns in the SEC. I really don’t want to rip on them but this is the truth, thats why UK is a BASKETBALL school. Honestly I used to root the football team untill little [email protected]@ch Cobb called out fans for not staying for a game, when he said “go get ready for basketball” I simply said OK.

  30. RidgeRunner
    3:51 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    26…scoot over. I’ll find some corn or peas or sumthin’

  31. Roach K
    3:52 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    23, Kentucky didn’t win any of their basketball titles during that period between 1915 and 1937.

  32. Mike the Realist
    3:52 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Look away and then take a quick glance at the Pitt cheerleader again. She looks like the Cowardly Lion. I would still do her though.

  33. Marc Maggard
    3:54 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    My inside sources tell me that this Randall Cobb guy is pretty good.


  34. RidgeRunner
    3:55 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Dang…still don’t get folks hatin’ on the football Cats to any degree. I really don’t get it. I don’t follow our gymnastics team but they are “Wildcats” & our schools athletic programs and I won’t ever throw a hate toward any of them. Geeze.

    Anyway, let me shake my head and get on the road to B’ham. Go Big Blue! Free Enes!

  35. lebsdad
    3:55 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    32 lol she does, Im sure you guys would have a very nice litter together too.

  36. SexnNursinHomes
    3:59 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    The cheerleader looks like she has a donut habit, but I’d still make tracks with that.
    If she could lose 10 lbs from doing speed, she’d be waaaay hotter.

  37. lebsdad
    4:00 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    34 I get what your saying but like i said when the teams best player comes out and goes at the fans like he did, that wrong. He needs to realize where he is, I mean come on Commonwealth is sold out all the time and lets be honest the football team aint all that. So basicaly he called out the best fan base in sports because the happend to win a game and people left. and then everyone wants to defend him. Im sorry but he is a Loser. Maybe my problem is more with him than the football team so your right i don’t have ill will towards the team just not interested in it. But Cobb can suck my FREE ENES!

  38. Bluejuice
    4:01 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    #34- AMEN brutha! Love the fact that all these folks claim they are part of the BBN…..but only as it applies to basketball. Everyone is disappointed with the f-ball season and the “4th and 2 yards to go” debacle vs. UT, but it is still UK! GO Joker, Cal and CATS, let’s sweep Saturday!

  39. RidgeRunner
    4:04 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    36…here’s the thing. After I finish with her, look at all of that hair that wouldn’t cause a towel to be used. LOL

    OK…outta here! Got a panther to skin in Alabama!

  40. catinhat
    4:05 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    36 – I’d take the cushion over the lesions and missing teeth.

  41. lebsdad
    4:09 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    how many people would trad a bowl win for a free Enes?

  42. lebsdad
    4:10 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink


  43. SexnNursinHomes
    4:11 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    39- hahahaha- yeah, that money shot wouldn’t have to be accurate

    40- hahahaha- I dunno, ol’ chicken head would be easier to pick up. you’re probably right

  44. BPsycho
    4:13 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    #40 I’ll take the cushion, the lesions and the missing teeth, if she calls me Hank and makes duck sounds…


  45. prevert
    4:17 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    40) I’d take the cushion and the missing teeth, but not the lesions.

  46. steviesdroppedtdcostmeagrand
    4:20 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    it’s 5:00 somewhere. free enes

  47. catinhat
    4:20 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    This server sucks. Come on Beisner, for pete’s sake. It’s ridiculous.

  48. bung
    4:22 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    1915-1937 UK none…..NCAA basketball tourney starts 1939 NIT more prestigous at first and the Cats won that in 46 which should be counted as a Championship. then in 50 We didnt even get invited by the NCAA with our 25-5 record and back to back Championships. CCNY won it that year and then they arrested the CCNY team for point shaving. Free Enes

  49. catinhat
    4:23 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Meth symptoms (I’m out on the dry mucous membranes and , too):

    Sleeplessness and severe depression
    Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
    Extreme irritability and anxiety
    Teeth grinding, bad teeth, and body odor
    Skin ulceration and infections, the result of picking at the skin or imaginary bugs
    Auditory and visual hallucinations
    Violent and erratic behavior
    Anhedonia – loss of pleasure
    Dryness of mucous membranes
    Burnt or blistered lips and/or fingertips from holding hot “Ice Pipes”

  50. free enes
    4:26 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    41 if anybody would rather have an hbvavaidbduy bowl win instead of a freed enes they are pretty dumb lol

  51. JerryT
    4:27 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    No wonder this site is free who would sign up for third-string information and read babble from a bunch of idiots.

  52. Classsof89
    4:27 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    Cute but is she Chewbacca’s sister?

  53. bung
    4:29 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    heck 51…..i would

  54. fish
    4:30 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    a wookie w the nookie?

  55. SexnNursinHomes
    4:30 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    40- hahahah
    49- hahahaa

    ya’ll killin it today

  56. steviesdroppedtdcostmeagrand
    4:35 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    where is enes

  57. SexnNursinHomes
    4:35 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    54- i bet she shaves 3 times a day

  58. matt
    9:39 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    His name is Tino Sunseri not Tony by the way.

  59. wildcatfan4ever
    11:39 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    How can you call yourself a true Kentucky Wildcat fan? You’re a true supporter? This post was about the bowl game & you hillbillies (that can’t spell by the way) have the nerve to talk about Enes? As a supporter you should be proud to follow and cheer on any UK athletic program. You ONLY care about basketball? What about the 67,000 people who sell out Commonwealth Stadium in the hopes of strengthening the UK football Cats’ spirits as they fight for our approval? I am junior student at UK and I’ve been to every sporting event to support my Cats. Now, I know we’re known for being a basketball school, but football is my favorite sport; and the Wildcats are my favorite team. Yeah, we’re the underdog in just about any game, especially in SEC play-but, hello? last time I checked the SEC is the most prestigious and TOUGHEST conference in college football, so how can you really be that upset when we lose to the reigning SEC and National champions? You’re stupid and shallow to put down such a program that needs growth and support more than the bball program-and frankly, I think that you should stop wasting your time putting down the football program & saying “who cares” because A LOT of us care and these boys don’t play their hearts out and practice hard just for people like you to be jerks and tell them their hard work never pays off-I’ll be the first to admit we have problem areas that need to be fixed if we want to win the SEC east and be top contenders in this competitive sport. Go Big Blue, in every sport, in every competition, game, meet, or match. My heart belongs to the Wildcats at the University of Kentucky & always will, with pride I might add.

  60. wildcatfan4ever
    11:40 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    PS. Randall Cobb is not a loser & our football team IS all that.

  61. wildcatfan4ever
    11:40 pm January 7, 2011 Permalink

    PS. Randall Cobb is not a loser & our football team IS all that.

  62. John Doe
    2:54 am January 8, 2011 Permalink

    I believe the cheerleader there bears a slight resemblance to chewbacca.

  63. pitt fan
    8:53 am January 8, 2011 Permalink

    so our championships were won in the dont give crap era? huh, sounds like what the rest of the nation thinks of your ncaa championships in bball, you should only be counting 78,96,98. the rest were before some schools even had bball programs and nit was more important than ncaa back then so give me a break. pitiful arguments uk fans come up with.