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They Are Who We Thought They Were: Central Michigan Chippewas

I only have about thirty minutes to write this so we’re going to fly through it with little research. What I write may not be 100% fact, but I truly believe all of it deep down in my heart. So let’s do this. C’mon! Hurry!

Central Michigan University

Central Michigan University is a university in central Michigan. It has classes, books, a library, dorms, professors, students, and a Qdoba or a Five Guys conveniently located somewhere on campus. The university enrolls somewhere between 10,000 and 30,000 students and all of them absolutely hate their lives because they are in the middle of Michigan.

CMU occasionally pops up on Playboy’s Top 25 Party Schools list. It was voted No. 19 in 2007 and No. 16 in 1987. That makes me wonder if a bunch of freshmen got pregnant in ’87 and sent their children to Central Michigan to continue the family tradition. I’ll have one of the interns look into that.

Location: In the middle of Michigan

If you hold your right hand up like it’s in an oven mitt, with the back of your hand facing outward, Central Michigan University is located somewhere in the middle of your palm. Like where you would place a chewing gum wrapper if a bum had his hand out asking for change. Right smack dab in the middle.

No, Stonecold Steve Austin, the other hand. That’s backwards Michigan.

Notable Alumni

Jeff Daniels – “What’s the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?”… “No. It was a girl.”

George “The Animal” Steele – The Hall of Fame pro wrestler earned a Master’s Degree at Central Michigan

Chris Kaman – The ugliest player in the NBA not named Joakim Noah.

Amy Roloff – The mom on Little People, Big World

Tom Crean – Indiana’s head basketball coach. I think. Does Indiana still have a basketball team?

“Thunder” Dan Majerle – The man.

Cheerleader Scouting Report

What the $%&* is a Chippewa?

The Chippewas are one of the largest Native American tribes north of Mexico. The university was placed on the NCAA’s list of schools with “hostile or abusive” nicknames in August 2005, but appealed the decision with the support of the Saginaw Chippewa Indian Tribe.

According to Tim McGraw, a Chippewa is a one of a kind.

Head Coach, Dan Enos

Dan Enos is in his second season as head coach of the Chippewas. If he’s anything like CMU’s last two coaches, he’ll be coaching at Cincinnati in a few years. And no, I won’t point out that his name rhymes with penis.

Key Players To Watch

#8 Ryan LeRadcliff, QB
(14-27, 168, 2 TDs, 2 INTs vs. South Carolina State)

LeRadcliff is in his second season as quarterback of CMU. He chose the Chippewas over Bozeman Community College in Montana. His major is bath sciences.

#28 Dennis Nalor, DB
(N/A)

Nalor is a player to watch for because I asked Beisner to close his eyes and point at a random name on the roster. Beisner says, “Nalor? Just don’t tell my wife.”

#8 Richie Hogan, K
(N/A)

Richie Hogan is the only kicker in D-I football to have grown up in a two father household. Hogan’s dads are award-winning pianists in Wisconsin and he credits them for his finesse and dainty kicking approach. His favorite athlete is Rey Mysterio Jr.

Prediction

#FreeAaronBoyd

Kentucky 24, Central Michigan 7

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

22 Comments for They Are Who We Thought They Were: Central Michigan Chippewas



  1. Dane Brammage
    4:14 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    Its all fun and games until Enos Chippewa pulls an upset…or Crean steals another KY boy. Is he still married to Roseanne Barrf? That left breasticle on Mare Monroe looks delightful.



  2. RajonKnows
    4:16 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    KSR taking a stab at someone with homosexual parents? Keep it classy.



  3. Jimtown Catfan
    4:17 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    Well done Drew. However, I dont agree with the prediction. I played a simulated game on NCAA 12 and the Cats looked like a juggernaut, rolling over the Chips 72-14. It was a complete team effort… kickoff return for a touchdown, defensive touchdown, 400+ yards rushing. Newton had a steady showing, 10/16 for 170, 1TD, 0 Picks. Cats utilized a double tight end package and played a little smashmouth.
    Gonna get ugly for CMU at CWS!!



  4. SexnNursinHomes
    4:20 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    Good job Franklin.

    I will say this. That lil’ chippawa chick’s ass can easily hold a 6 pack.



  5. Josh
    4:22 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    The Stonecold joke was the best line in this. If that was really done in 30 minutes, great work. If it took more than 30…..okay, it was still good.



  6. ajlageman
    4:23 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    clap! clap! clap! I can read about the Chippewas propensity to run on 3 and 12 with a draw play on espn…..You can only get gold like this at KSR.



  7. Bob Harlan
    4:24 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    Randall Cobb jerseys just hit the Packers Pro Shop today!

    http://www.packersproshop.com/product/sku_2102005124/ff2371a27792fb21/

    Anyone who wants to buy one should get it from there instead of NFLShop.com, because the Packers only get 1/32nd of the proceeds from NFLShop.



  8. barn
    4:32 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    free enos



  9. SweetTeaMob til I DIE
    4:32 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    You have done well, Drew.



  10. Nashville Cat
    4:33 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    Do they have players in legal trouble? Why does out look like she’s wearing handcuffs? If she is, I assume she was unable to locate a UT jersey.



  11. Gordon Lightfoot
    4:33 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    “The legend lives on from the Chippewas on down of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee….”



  12. TrinityPills
    4:36 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    That’s why we love Drew. Even when he mails it in, he doesn’t really mail it in.



  13. mocha
    4:45 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    “i’m an indian outlaw, half cherokee and choctaw, my baby she’s a chippewa-ha, she’s a one of a kind…………..”



  14. Real Cats Fan
    4:53 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    #10 – I googled it and found out that they had 3 players arrested in ’06 after they beat a man to death outside a bar. The picture looks like a Halloween party – maybe she dressed the part of a Chippewa ex con. I have to say that there is something about the black face paint on a college chick that is simply hot – and the handcuff push it over the edge. Like the bun huggers too. She would make a nice tight end.

    Six pack, huh SINH? I guess that would make her a “wide receiver”. 😀



  15. Dougie
    4:56 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    Fear the Chippewas!



  16. Exiled Cat in Bama
    5:35 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    You forgot their most notable alumnus: the DJ RT SWAY



  17. kaboom!
    5:44 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    thunder dan & rey mysterio reference in the same post??? you’re welcome, america.



  18. SexnNursinHomes
    6:16 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    14- hahaha



  19. tyrus
    6:18 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    I’d be concered with their RB first.



  20. Santa Cobb
    7:10 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink


  21. Karen sypher's attorney
    8:16 pm September 9, 2011 Permalink

    I prefer white face paint on my women!



  22. Megan
    11:59 am September 10, 2011 Permalink

    Cute players! 2,1,1. (Why isn’t anyone else playing this game?) QB has a Liam Gallagher thing going on with the bangs and the brow.
    Yes, I’m envious of lil’ chippawa’s butt. Show it off while you can, girl. It won’t last long.
    Also, check out the perfect breasts on that dude in the Marilyn Monroe getup.