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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

They Are Who We Thought They Were: Auburn Tigers

How am I supposed to write TAWWTTW with Big Blue Madness just hours away?!  I thought about skipping out on this week’s edition, but, I don’t want that on my conscience if UK loses tomorrow’s game. I also don’t want to break the hearts of all six of you that actually read these.  So, here it is…  a quick, lazy, got my mind on Madness, and ’bout to head to Keeneland edition of TAWWTTW.  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Fidlers and Newtons, meet the Auburn Tigers… 

The University of Auburn

Formerly known as East Alabama Male College, Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama, and Alabama Polytechnic Institute.  I would’ve gone with Auburn too.

Notable Alumni

— Charles Barkley – NBA analyst, gambler, drunk driver, and 1/5 of Dwyane Wade’s Top 5

— Jimmy Buffett –  A bajillionaire musician with a cult following.  Just typing his name gives me a hangover.

— Kevin Greene – Former Pro Bowl NFL linebacker and WCW Tag Team Champion with Steve “Mongo” McMichael

Cheerleader Scouting Report

Finally!  A school with a website dedicated to the cheerleaders!  My job just got easier.  Ok, first off, I’m a little bothered by the fact that there are more guys on the squad than girls.  I don’t follow a whole lot of cheerleading, but that just doesn’t seem right.  I’m thinking maybe the overweight red-headed guy (front row, right) just snuck into the photo.  Everyone else seems legit.  You can check out their individual profiles on their website.  I would say more, but that gets me in trouble.

Nice “Bama Bangs

Head Coach, Tommy Tuberville Gene Chizik

Gene Chizik is in his first season as the head coach of the Auburn Tigers, after a very controversial hire.  Many people, including Sir Charles Barkely, blame race as the reason Chizik was chosen over Buffalo’s Turner Gill for the job.  Gill led a historically terrible Buffalo team to a MAC Championship in his third season, while Chizik’s Iowa State was 5-19 in two seasons.  Could be race, could be that he is a former Auburn defensive coordinator, either way, Tommy Tuberville “click-clacked” his way out of town and now Chizik is 5-1 in his place.  Well, 5-2.

Key Players To Watch

#12 Chris Todd, QB
Like Alabama’s Brandon Deaderick, Chris Todd is a former Elizabethtown High School standout that chose to take his game elsewhere in the SEC.  Some say Kentucky’s left tackle Zipp Duncan, who played tight end at E-Town, put Todd on the map.  I’ve also heard that Zipp used to tie Chris up in the locker room and peg him with golf balls.  Look for Todd to air it out all day tomorrow towards UK’s inexperienced cornerbacks.  Let’s just hope they turn around and look for the ball or it could be a long day.

#5 Tommy Trot, TE
Tommy Trot is not a threat to Kentucky, whatsoever.  I just stumbled across his picture when scouting the real athletes and couldn’t pass it up.  He has ‘creepy band director’ written all over him.  Look at that guy, how intimidating could he be on the line of scrimmage?  I wouldn’t know if I should hit him, or ask if he could come down on the price of the Corolla.  (Now watch him score a game-winning TD) 

#52 Antonio Coleman, DE
Antonio Coleman leads Auburn with 2.5 sacks this season and is one shy of moving into a tie for 10th in career sacks at AU.  Now, this is where I would normally insert a joke poking fun at a player’s name, appearance, and/or family, but, not this time.  I feel like Antonio is looking directly at me, like he is ready to jump out of that picture and whoop my ***  if I say anything out of line.  What’s up Antonio?  You’re my favorite player.  Good luck, man.

Final Word/Prediction

Hmmmmm…. Well, Auburn’s defense is awful, but, we don’t even know who will be playing quarterback for Kentucky.  Will Fidler and Morgan Newton will split time and hopefully one of them will capitalize on the opportunity.  I think Fidler will hold the job for at least one more game.  I’m predicting 400+ all purpose yards from Randall Cobb, 4 significant UK injuries, 6 TC Drake dropped passes, and 5,603,709 profanities screamed at Kentucky television sets if Martavious Neloms and Randall Burden don’t start looking for the damn ball in coverage.  This should be a close game, that Kentucky will likely lose because they’re Kentucky.  But, I’m still taking the Cats.

Kentucky 27, Auburn 24

See you all at Big Blue Madness.  Go Cats?

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR