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The Top Ten Monday News and Views

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Ok so week 1 of the Sypher trial is over. There was much serious to talk about, and we have done that on the site often. But there was also a lot that was ridiculous. So going into Week 2, we must look back at the Top 10 absurd memories from Sypher Week One:

10. The Romantic Coke: This week we all found a new man to love, one Lester Goetzinger. Looking like Bobby from “King of the Hill”, working at LG&E, Bobby warmed our hearts as the first man to hit the stand who was seduced by Sypher love. Their moment of passion began when Goetzinger said that he took her to McDonalds, bought her a coke and then they shared their first kiss. Lester Goetzinger…the last of the big spenders.

9. “What You Got Under There?”: Have you ever been somewhere, seen a middle-aged guy that was a little too drunk, flirting obnoxiously with a woman and using cheesy lines that make you roll your eyes for hours? If so, this week has been full of stories to which you can relate. The best came from Vinny Tatum, who said that Pitino friend Glenn Hogan, kept lifting up Karen Sypher’s skirt on the night of the Porcini’s incident, while asking “what you got under there?” Smooth Glenn…real smooth.

8. The Waiting is the Hardest Part: Speaking of Vinny, you thought your job was bad? How about Vinny….had to take his boss to Porcinis, wait while he got drunk with his boys, and then when the night ended, move to the other side of the restaurant because Boss Pitino and Lady Sypher are getting close. You then are forced to sit fifteen feet away from them while they have their moments of love, see your boss leave and wait another hour in an empty restaurant wondering if he will return. Poor Vinny

7. “I’m Driving You Miss Daisy”: Ok we know its strange that you would be forced to take a woman to an abortion clinic by your boss, and while there you would fall in love….in fact its crazy. But lets say that happened, wouldnt you want to try and overlook that fact in the future? I mean I have been embarassed about meeting a girl online, much less in an abortion clinic. Not Tim Sypher…he and Karen nicknamed each other “Daisy” and “Hoke” based on the characters from “Driving Miss Daisy”, in reference to that fateful day. Ugh.

6. Cemetery Love: But to be fair, that isnt the strangest Sypher wedding memory. After asking Pitino permission to date his former co-aborter, Tim Sypher falls in love with Karen and they have a time of bliss. He decides to pop the question, and where does he pick as the location….well if you guessed “her grandmother’s grave”, you win! Ease up Tim…you are taking all the good ideas and leaving none for the rest of us guys.

(5) “Me and the Boys”: For me, no testimony made me roll my eyes more than that of the Porcini’s Bartender working on the night of the Pitino Magical Mystery Love Tour. She testified that Pitino and his group of cohorts were known as “The Boys” at the restaurant and were regulars coming 2-3 times a week. She talked admiringly about “The Boys” and that phrase has been repeated often by the Defense Attorney in a mocking way. Old men, wearing polos and making quickie love to random women in short white skirts….I guess “boys will be boys” eh honey?

(4) “Hoosier Daddy” : You know a witness is going to be odd when the Attorney who calls him to the stand tells you prior to his testimony that you wont like him. Such was the case with former Sypher Attorney Dana Kolter. Kolter testified that he met Sypher in a parking garage, they hit it off “like a man and a woman do” and then he hired her for a promotion of his. Kolter owned “Hoosier Daddy” Motor Bikes (get it?…Kolter is clever) and at their first trade show, she gave him oral sex (or as she would call it…”Saturday”). How sweet.

(3): Of course that wasnt Kolter’s most shocking admission. No, that came when he told the story of a glorious Valentine’s day when a red dress wearing Karen Sypher came to his office to see him. They chatted, one thing led to another and next thing you know, a picture flashes all over the courtroom of the back of Sypher’s head, Kolter’s bare abdomen, and testimony that she was performing oral sex. Kolter took the picture himself, and we were all treated to a sight we cant ever undo. And Kolter is still practicing…today. And you thought Eric C Conn was bad.

(2) Belt Buckles For Everyone!: Dont you dare act like people dont know the name Lester Goetzinger! When Sypher’s attorney tried to suggest that maybe Karen Sypher wasnt friends with Lester like he said and that Karen may have not even known his last name, Lester balked. He stood up and said that surely Sypher knew his name because he “wore it everyday on his belt buckle.” Its a good thing for the Watergate investigation that “Deep Throat” wasnt in Kentucky, or his identity would have been long released to the public. Remember the name Lester Goetzinger…it is on his belt buckled, right at eye level for most of Sypher’s encounters.

(1) TIE: “Less than 15 seconds”; “I did, down my leg”: This trial will end within ten days. Sypher will be found guilty or not guilty, Pitino will likely remain as coach and we will all move on. But one thing will linger forever. No matter how long Rick Pitino coaches, no matter where he goes or what success he has, the phrases “less than 15 seconds” and “I did, down my leg” will follow him always. Both phrases quickly hit the viral internet and have been repeated by people nationwide. Jokes are everywhere, the term “stick Ricky” is already listed on Urbandictionary.com and student sections have their chants for UL games already written and rehearsed. Sypher will fade from memory…the extortion charges will ultimately fade into the air. But Pitino’s description of his nearly unparalleled “American Pie”-like night of passion will follow him forever. 15 seconds wil never be the same again.

So there you go…the top 10 moments of week one…who knows what is still to come? Lets get to some actual news so I can go to bed.

(1): The big news of the weekend came via Facebook (who needs newspapers when you have social media!), where Calipari announced that Darnell Dodson will not be on the team next season for Kentucky. The news came as a bit of a surprise, as a couple of different reporters said that Assistant Coach John Robic told an Ohio crowd last week that Dodson was eligible this season. But Calipari’s announcement today is that Dodson is academically eligible and is welcome to practice with the team if he returns to the school, but he will not play for the 2010-2011 team. The lack of an academic reason for his not being on the team suggests that it is an off the court issue, something that has been rumored for quite some time. Dodson was one of two supposed “shooters” on the roster for next season (the other being Doron Lamb), although he only showed that ability in spurts last season. My guess is that Dodson does not return to UK at this point, but that is only a guess.

(2): The UK basketball team began practice today as they move towards their 2 weeks of workouts before the trip to Canada in 12 days. The Cats get 10 full days of practice and Calipari said they will have two-a-days every other day and one practice the other day. He sent out this practice report via Twitter late in the evening:

Glad 2 get started today. There was an adjustment period w/ all the normal things that freshmen don’t do, but they all had a skill level that I’m pleased with. Eloy is not here yet, but the returning players (all four of them) were so much better than a year ago. They responded great without me saying anything when they didn’t do things right. They knew they needed to do it again. It was a great lesson for the young guys, watching that. I’m seeing a vast improvement in DeAndre’s shooting already this year and Darius has really impressed with his athleticism. Jon Hood looks more comfortable on the floor and I think he’s grown an inch. Josh is lighter on his feet & w/ the way we are gonna play it was good to see him run the floor. We went about 1:40 in both sessions today. Looking forward to seeing how they bounce back tomorrow.

So basketball is coming…the next two weeks will tide us over until October. I for one, am ready.

(3): The UK basketball family had a big weekend with the return of 4 of the 5 first round picks to Lexington for the Calipari Pro Camp. John Wall, Demarcus Cousins, Patrick Patterson and Eric Bledsoe all returned to Lexington, spoke to the campers, signed autographs, met with the media and talked about how much they loved the place. Calipari has openly said that he wants to create a “home away from home” for the pro players here in Lexington and replicate the model often seen at North Carolina. This is his first group and now all have already returned. If guys like Prince, Rondo, Bogans, Hayes, Meeks, etc also join in, a real tradition can be started. Billy Gillispie infamously ended the tradition of former players playing in Lexington for a week during the summer (forcing them to play one year at Georgetown College), Calipari is on the road to starting it again.

(4): Football practice is also kicking off and today the UK football team had their annual cornhole tournament. Now if this tournament is anything like the one that Johnny “The” Bruce and his friends do, it is intense, full of complex brackets/seeding and is highly anticipated. This year, Randall Cobb was defending his title, having been on the winning team two years in a row. However the Legend of Cobb took a hit, as he lost to the team of Coach Chuck Smith and Taylor Wyndham, who is giving Randy Orton a run for the title of “Legend Killer”. There was no film of this event, but if there ever is a CoachJoker.com, it would be a good event to build the site around.

(5): Lastly, UK got another football commitment, this time from Ashley Lowery. The Georgia Safety is another speed demon, and is a 3 star commitment who picked the Cats over Illinois. Lowery’s commitment means that UK at this point has more commitments than any other school in the SEC…not a bad place to be at this stage of the proceedings.

We will have more all day as I will be at the Sypher trial, basketball updates will come and a special guest columnist will join us mid-day. Make sure and stay tuned….

Article written by Matt Jones