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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

The SEX Network’s Tuesday News and Views

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What should’ve been a simple tweet about the time of kickoff in the South Carolina game turned into a flood of perverted SEC jokes we wouldn’t share with our mothers. The tweet was supposed to say SEC Network, obviously, but Matt fell victim to auto-correct and wrote SEX Network instead. Hilarity ensued under the hashtag #SEXNetwork. A few examples:

@Toolfan955: At least we won’t have to deal with Tim Tebow highlights. #SEXNetwork

@tbhill2: UK got dropped from the #SEXNetwork because they had too few touches in the red zone

@DWiard11: Can’t wait to see what new wrinkles are in Nuclear Minters Unit this week #SEXNetwork

@bjo30: is it bad that I’m still pulling for the crimson tide?? #SEXNetwork

@Brewcrew_YMCMB: Kentucky’s defense got banned from the #SEXNetwork because they could never wrap up

Yes, it’s very sophomoric but it was a fun way to spend an hour or so on Twitter this afternoon. Feel free to keep it going in the comments section.

Now the news and the views…

— The SEC expanded to 13 teams on Monday when Texas A&M officially joined the conference. The Aggies will start play in the league beginning in the 2012-2013 academic year. Mitch Barnhart and Coach Cal had some welcoming words for the conference’s 13th team:

Barnhart: “On behalf of the coaches, administrators and student-athletes at the University of Kentucky, I would like to welcome the Texas A&M Aggies to the Southeastern Conference. Coming off its best year athletically in school history, Texas A&M adds a strong athletic program along with its academic prowess to the best league in the country. I look forward to competing against one of my mentors, Bill Byrne, for years to come.”

Calipari: “I’d like to welcome Billy Kennedy & Texas A&M to the SEC. Congrats to Commissioner Slive & our presidents on a great addition to our league.” (via Twitter)

— Joker had his usual Monday afternoon press conference with the media and there were a lot of injury updates that have the depth chart mixed up for the LSU game. Josh Clemons and Gene McCaskill are both questionable, although Joker believes Clemons will play. Raymond Sanders and Collins Ukwu are out, and safety Martavious Neloms is day-to-day with a concussion. Senior defensive tackle Mark Crawford, who has been out with multiple suspensions, is cleared to play and is ready to be “let loose” according to Joker. That’s a much-needed 340 pounds in the trenches.

— A variation of the UK Pros team we saw in August will be hitting the road for a five game tour across Kentucky. Ticket information hasn’t been announced but the event schedule is as follows:

10-8… vs. Univeristy of Pikeville (Expo Center)
10-9… vs. Alice Lloyd College (Knott Central High School)
10-10… vs. Georgetown College (Mason County High School)
10-12… vs. Union College (Pulaski County High School)
10-13… vs. Mid-Continent University (Graves County High School)

— The UK Pros vs. UK Villains game reported by WKYT must not be very close to a done deal because some of the players listed on the Villains roster hadn’t even heard about it until Sunday night’s report. Kenneth Faried tweeted our link to Kemba Walker and Nolan Smith and said, “look how funny this is.” That leads me to believe the three of them haven’t committed to play, or even knew about it for that matter. That doesn’t mean we should give up on the game, though. The idea is too awesome.

— 2013 recruit Aquille Carr told ESPN he has an offer from Kentucky. The 5-foot-6 point guard may be undersized but his YouTube videos are amazing.

— Tubby Smith got the crowd at Georgetown College fired up when talking about his 2005 team at UK. Tubby said Patrick Sparks should’ve had a four-point play against Michigan State and Kentucky would’ve gone on to win it all had the foul been called. That was one of those plays none of us will ever forget and it’s a shame the Cats couldn’t get a win out of it.

Smokey is doubtful for Tennessee’s game against Buffalo. (Torn ACL)

Kobe Bryant was accompanied by Enes Kanter to the final of the Nike basketball tournament for amateurs in Istanbul, Turkey. Kobe is spending a few days in the world’s fourth-largest city mulling over a contract offer from the BeÅŸiktaÅŸ basketball team. Enes was not available for comment Monday night. He was watching wrestling.

— Ramel Bradley’s brother, Sean Carter, announced that the team he holds minority ownership in will be called the Brooklyn Nets. The team will move into the brand new Barclays Center before the start of the 2012-2013 NBA season. Kentucky will be a part of one of the Barclays Center’s first events when the Cats face Maryland early next season. Can we get Jay-Z to visit the locker room again after that game? What’s 50 grand to a guy like him, anyway? Please remind me. #WTT

— You won’t want to miss Tuesday’s radio show when Mitch Barnhart sits down in the hot seat with Matt Jones. The show starts at 10:00 AM and Mitch will stop some time in the second hour. Don’t miss it.

Come get your Madness tickets!!! Students rushed into Memorial Coliseum Monday night for the student lottery…

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

48 Comments for The SEX Network’s Tuesday News and Views



  1. Doron aka Cold Buckets
    12:09 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Aquille Carr***



  2. tyson
    12:20 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Pitino has requested to change conferences so he can have his 15 seconds of fame on the #SEXNetwork



  3. ukwildcatwildfan
    12:20 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    #OccupyWallStreet #TheOther99%



  4. PaducAlum
    12:20 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    The crowd leaving the Florida game at halftime was moving faster. Worst KSR upload ever?!?



  5. Hal
    12:25 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    rick minter’s unit disputes claims of not being able to #rise. #sexnetwork



  6. UKFan284
    12:31 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Kentucky is looking forward to finally being able to drop its balls on the #SEXNetwork



  7. Magically Delicious
    12:35 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Now showing on SEXNetwork: Toledo vs Syracuse – An instant classic. For 3 1/2 quarters, both teams flirt with the lead in this out of conference affair. Syracuse blew the lead late but in the end Toledo gets f**ked hard by the refs. The final outcum; Cuse 30 Toledo 27.



  8. Magically Delicious
    12:40 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Raaar



  9. M Kinsey
    12:45 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Sex network gives new meaning to the term “Ky goes down to defeat”.



  10. Oliver Simmons
    1:00 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Hopefully Chris Hanson will save us from getting raped. #SEXNetwork



  11. Charlie Weis' FUPA
    2:04 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Bound to be a lot of game ending “shockers” on the #SEXNetwork



  12. dontgoanywhere
    2:48 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Newton will try to force it in the wide receivers on the SEX network.



  13. SagaciousMind
    2:48 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Anybody else notice the long hair and beard Jon Hood has goin on? lol I also noticed it looked like Davis got his teeth fixed. And is Harrow really that much shorter than Teague cuz he looked taller. I know he was standin kinda in front of him but still Harrow looks to be about the same height. Maybe he grew. Cant wait for campin!!!



  14. Tim in Korea
    2:59 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Of course Kentucky football is on the SEX Network. They keep getting licked.



  15. LemonParty
    3:28 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Newton will try to give it to the tight end more often. #SEXNetowrk



  16. Calipari'sInYourEar
    4:29 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Matt Jones finally got laid on the #SEXNetwork #PayToPlay



  17. cdc_uky
    6:26 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Carr is way too small…I doubt he got an offer from us.



  18. markp
    6:45 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Note to Barnhart. After we win a maximum of three to four games in football this year, be a man and fire Joker! He is not the answer.



  19. SexnNursinHomes
    6:48 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    I like this new SEXNetwork. Double penetration?



  20. Calipari'sInYourEar
    7:06 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    C0CKS Explode in Lexington on the #SEXNetwork



  21. Calipari'sInYourEar
    7:07 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    #DoOver

    C0CKS Explode in Columbia on the #SEXNetwork



  22. Calipari'sInYourEar
    7:08 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    C0CKS Rise then Fall in Columbia in the #SEXNetwork



  23. Calipari'sInYourEar
    7:14 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    C0CKS dry up… no KY, “RISE”, in Columbia on the #SEXNetwork



  24. 4th and 2
    7:42 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Someone will get screwed for sure!



  25. KevinC
    7:50 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    The SEX Network: where you’re guaranteed to be f*cked, if your head coach is named Joker.



  26. Calipari'sInYourEar
    7:53 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    With KY, C0CKS get Randy… Offensive Spurtability Neutralized on the #SEXNetwork



  27. Calipari'sInYourEar
    7:55 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    C0CKs To Face… KY on the #SEXNetwork



  28. Calipari'sInYourEar
    8:02 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Little Brother’s Fantasy Lasts 15 Seconds on the #SEXNetwork



  29. cracka
    8:02 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    it’s a lottery … there is no need to rush to grab a friggin’ number ??? not to mention there was a old guy in front telling everybody to go slow AND you have to stop and have your id checked at the door



  30. Calipari'sInYourEar
    8:03 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Why so serious?



  31. Paducahfan
    8:12 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Those kids could better spend their time studying.



  32. Teddy Bridgewater
    8:13 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Only fitting that UK (Doormat of SEC) welcoming TX A&M. LOL



  33. Don
    8:18 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    #33 We basicaLly own you, so what does that make UL?



  34. cracka
    8:20 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    aquille carr reminds me of nate robinson, lot of charisma … would love to have him … he’s a scorer … scout.com has him listed as 5’8″, maybe he’s growing, i mean he was just a sophomore last year in those highlights



  35. Al's IndiCats
    8:55 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    [email protected] Nice…but it’s only fitting that No ONE….I’ll repeat and type slower so that you can read this….”NO ONE” wants Looserville in their conference. Hell you’d all bring their GPA down by 3 full letter grades BRAAAAAAAAAAA!



  36. poop
    8:56 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    There will be balls to the face…of our receivers, once again, when Newton overthrows all of his passes…on the #SEXNetwork



  37. Holden McGroin
    8:57 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    is the SEX network in HD, also is it “pay-per-view”?



  38. hoss_cat
    11:15 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Aquille Carr IS THE REAL DEAL TO ALL OF THOSE IDIOTS ON THE CATSPAUSE!

    He has an offer to play overseas for 750,000!



  39. hoss_cat
    11:19 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    AQUILLE CARR IS THE REAL DEAL TO ALL THOSE MORONS ON THE CATSPAUSE.

    He already has an offer to play for 750,000 overseas. I’ve been wanting UK to offer this kid to play for UK, but I’ll doubt he’ll
    ever play college.



  40. UK
    11:25 am September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Whyc can’t I see my comments after posting



  41. Fratdaddy
    12:10 pm September 27, 2011 Permalink

    That video is full of geeds…



  42. Jimmy Buffett
    12:12 pm September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Offense keeps ramming it up the middle; Joker says, ‘they keep hitting the wrong hole’ on #SEXNetowrk.



  43. Jimmy Buffett
    12:15 pm September 27, 2011 Permalink

    more on the #SEXNetowrk, now



  44. BYU
    12:44 pm September 27, 2011 Permalink

    Our program is not aloud to play any basketball games on the #SexNetwork. President Emmert will receive a letter of complaint from the university as this break an honor code violation.



  45. Teddy Bridgewater
    12:56 pm September 27, 2011 Permalink

    #34 I would hardly call a 14-10 (History) in favor of UK being “owned” especially in the modern series when UL has the 10-8 edge. I guess according to your definition we “own” you these past few years. Your still a doormat in the SEC just accept fact and move on. No need to to get upset about it. LOL.



  46. SagaciousMind
    2:35 pm September 27, 2011 Permalink

    46, you just got beat 4 years in a row. And you lost to FIU. When it comes to basketball, lets not even go there. I’d hate to hurt your feelings. Good luck finding a conference that wants a bunch of thugged out, incompetent idiots.



  47. Rodney Bling
    1:43 am September 28, 2011 Permalink

    So its really 3rd and LONG. #SEXNetowrk



  48. Rodney Bling
    1:46 am September 28, 2011 Permalink

    THe comments are even scramble on the #SEXNetwork