I called her first. Back off.
Ladies and gentleman….your third bracket:
(1) Ashley Judd – Exactly the type of girl you’d like to date and exactly how every female in the state should hope to be. Now, if we can get past all this crap of living in France with that guy who I think kissed Ricky Bobby, then we could get things back to the way they should be. The hockey poster still does it for me.
(16) TBD – Let’s get it going in the comments. It was originally Chris Hardwick, but I’m sure we can do better.
(8) Molly Sims – Hot.
(9) Miss USA Tara Conner – Hot and not opposed to the same-sex makeout session. This could be a great matchup.
(5) Papa John – They say every year a 5-seed falls to a 12-seed. Let’s hope that this is it. It doesn’t matter that the Papa John’s commercial that ran during the Final Four had Rupp Arena in the background, this guy sold his soul to the Cardinal devil years ago. He should be punished accordingly.
(12) Montgomery Gentry – I have to admit, I don’t know a lot about them. I do know that one of them did some shopping at Fayette Mall back in my Hatworld days and was rocking the matching Boyle County Athletics (I think?) sweatpants and sweatshirt. I don’t know why, but that’s cool as hell. Still won’t get you any freaking help in that place, though. They really bring it weak on the service there.
(4) Kige Ramsey – I’ll admit, I’m not sure how to handle this. Obviously, prior to me joining the site, Kige was a good friend to KSR – and might still be. But, that S.O.B. never answers my buddy Brian’s “Ask Kige” questions and I’m getting the sense that he’s selling out on the Cats and Tops with his Boston Celtics love. But, he’s still a strong four seed.
(13) The crazy man formerly known as Tom Cruise – I’m not really sure what kind of connection he has with Kentucky other than he attended school briefly in Louisville, but it seems like a good time to kick him around. I never really liked him even though I find myself saying “K-Mart sucks Ray” at least three times a day. The good news? Knocking off Kige is probably an impossible mission. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
(6) The Turtleman – Honestly, I knew nothing about The Turtleman until Matt posted the video a few days ago. But, I was immediately won over by his genuine excitement over possibly getting typhoid and his Tatanka-like celebration. Plus, he gets extra points for saying “I try not to smile, cuz I got my teeth knocked out by a chainsaw”. Honesty has never been so sexy.
(11) Billy Ray Cyrus – Just to avoid confusion, this is “Achy Breaky Heart” Cyrus, not “Hannah Montana” Cyrus. The Flatwoods native and former Georgetown baseball player had the mullet to end all mullets and took the music world by storm back in 1992 with the catchiest country song of all-time. I refuse to believe the metrosexual, Disney Channel guy is the same person.
(3) Johnny Depp -I think everyone is still trying to decide if this guy is the epitome of cool or the epitome of gay, but I can’t help but like him. I guess when we figure out the answer to the question, we’ll all be able to better judge ourselves. Until then, the guy is a solid three seed seed.
(14) Nappy Roots – If you doubt this selection, then watch this video. I hope they are able to keep it nappy in this tournament for at least a couple of rounds.
(7) Diane Sawyer – Would you? Shut up, you know you would. She’ll still probably fall in the first round though.
(10) Larry Flynt – We all know about this Lakeville native. You can knock him for his smut empire, but you have to respect his place in American history. Jerry Falwell might disagree, but Flynt is legit. And besides, he brought the Beisner family closer together in 2006 when pops decided to swing by the Hustler store with the grandparents on a trip to Lexington. Quite possibly the most awkward 15 minutes of my life when my grandmother finally realized it wasn’t a clothing store and then found my grandfather already perusing the DVDs like a kid in a candy store.
(2) George Clooney – Clooney is northern Kentucky royalty. He’s also probably my favorite actor of all-time. I’m not even going to try to make fun of him. Just know he’s here.
(15) Larry Birkhead – Thomas had someone else here but Matt had to put Birkhead instead. Impregnate Anna Nicole Smith and you make the list….even after she is gone.