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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

The Real KOB: More of that “other” stuff

Hey….remember this?  I do.  It’s been haunting me for weeks as I continually put it off due to lack of ideas.  Well, I finally got some good candidates for our final bracket and a very definitive category of “other”.  So, take a gander at the bracket below and start taking sides.  We’ll start advancing the seeds here shortly and make our way toward finally figuring out who or what is The Real King of the Bluegrass.

(1) Denim Jerseys – Possibly the weakest one seed, sure.  But, also the most awesome?  There’s a good chance.  Perhaps no jersey has ever connected with a fan base so well.  Basically they were the mullet of college basketball gear.  And I couldn’t be prouder.
(16) “The Map” –  So, we’ve heard a lot about this “map” and how Billy Gillispie is putting us back on it.  Also, we’re going to be back on “the map” because we’re making headway with recruits early.  You won’t be able to find this “map” on Google images, but you can’t find friendship either and I know that’s real.  Right, Evan?

(8) Big Blue Madness – The sign of a new beginning and the official green light for the start of grown men in Patrick Sparks jerseys.  You might have to suffer through some lame videos, but you still catch gold like Bobby Perry singing “Party All the Time”.  Oh yeah, you get to see the team play for the first time too.
(9) “K Lair” Chicken Tenders – Step into my Delorean and take a ride back to the school year of 2001-2002.  The destination is Haggin Hall.  Not a lot of good stuff goes on in that dorm, but you’re close to K Lair and their heavenly chicken tenders (Tuesday and Sunday nights when I was in school).  When I wasn’t doing my homework or spending time with my girlfriend, Tera Patrick, I was feasting on these fine creations.  Get them spicy with seasoned fries.  And don’t forget the ranch.

(5) OH Napier – If you don’t know who this is or why he’s a (5) seed, then I don’t like you.  Give the man a look and listen and then try telling me that he doesn’t have traits that would make him a deserving king.
(12) Derek Abney, Dicky Lyons and Preston LeMaster – These three fine representation of the number 12 united to join the tournament when it came to their attention that it was 5:24 pm and I did not have a 12 seed yet.  Besides being undersized and scrappy, they are also true bros.  Way to bail me out, fellas.

(4) Sonny Landham –  Ok, I have to admit something.  This was a reader submission and I immediately dismissed it because I didn’t know who it was.  Boy, was I wrong.  Take a second and read this guy’s bio.  Porn star?  Yep.  Starred in Predator and appeared on The A Team and Miami Vice?  Believe it.  Ran for governor of Kentucky?  Yessir.  This guy is big time and I am ashamed of myself for not showing him the respect he deserves.
(13) Chris Cross – Nothing against Mr. Cross, but I need to ensure that the killing machine that is Sir Sonny Landham advances.  Cross would be lucky to pull 7% here.

(6) Lukasz Obrzut –  The only person who has benefited more from being on KSR and The Matt Jones Show than Matt Jones.  He might not be a great rebounder or polished offensively, but he’s still a star.  And he can pretty much thank this site for it.  Throw your “W” up, son.
(11) Josh Harrellson –  Sorry, Woo.  Your stay at the top might be over.  You see, this jean shorts-wearing kiddo from Missouri just got to town and he’s getting to be quite the cult hero.  Besides being well-known for his lower body apparel, Mr. Harrellson also is famous for pictures that combine the free throw and the Glamour Shot in a way that leaves us all wanting more.  The ceiling is very high for this youngster.

(3) Message Board Bravado – You think Crawford hogged the ball?  Well, you’re an idiot and I know because I make a million a year and travel the world and bang hot chicks and wear Girbaud jeans.  Or something.  The “message board bravado guy” is only slightly more irritating than the “inside information guy” and is usually the biggest idiot in the (chat) room.  Still a dominant presence though.
(14) Call-In Shows – Kind of like a night at a strip club with the boys.  You spend all week getting pumped up for it and when it finally rolls around, a couple of idiots usually end up ruining it by acting stupid and getting into a pissing match.  But, just like “Message Board Bravado Guy”, it’s a very big part of the Kentucky basketball experience.  And you’ll still tune in anyway.

(7) The celebrity “Y” – A fixture at all UK home games.  Will it be someone who has achieved some sort of academic honor for the school?  Or, will it be Tim Couch again?  Either way, this little gimmick is a big part of the Rupp Arena experience.  But, it faces a serious competitor in…
(10) The UK Hockey Posters  –  Exhibit AExhibit BExhibit CExhibit DExhibit EExhibit FExhibit G. Exhibit HExhibit I.  Sorry, you’re wife put me up to that last one.

(2) UK’s 2008 NFL Draft Class – Andre.  Keenan.  Stevie.  Jacob.  Wesley.  These are the guys that put UK football back on the 16 seed.  We all love them.  They also will be joined by the Abbot and Costello of undrafted NFL free agents, Eric Scott and Rafael Little.
(15) Dusty Mills and Morakinyo Williams – The lovebirds that brought you the “Scrubs, Laughs and Videotape” scandal (UK’s hottest since Alex Legion’s transfer), reunite for this big time battle.  They will be accompanied to the ring by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie who will sing “Endless Love” during their entrance.

And, just in case you already forgot…

 – Sportsmen Region

 – Hollywood Region

 – The Spirit of Kentucky Region

Article written by Thomas Beisner