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The Official Unofficial BCS National Championship Preview

Tonight, after a 37-day layoff, the #1 Auburn Tigers will face the #2 Oregon Ducks in the BCS National Championship.  Auburn is trying to extend the SEC national championship streak to five in a row and Oregon is trying to stock the Nike film room.  Kickoff is at 8:30 on ESPN and we have your official unofficial preview.

I’m sure you’re tired of hearing all of the talking heads on ESPN so I’ll make it short and sweet to hold you over until the game…

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Bo knows how the coin will land. Bo Jackson and Ahmad Rashad are the honorary captains for tonight’s game.  Bo Jackson played running back for Auburn from 1982 to 1985 and won the Heisman Trophy in 1985.  Ahmad Rashad used to talk about the NBA on Saturday mornings.  Auburn easily wins the toss.

Birk Berbstreit won’t be drinking a Manhattan in the Brent Musberger drinking game. That one’s for you, KSR podcast fans.

Oregon scores and they score fast. The Ducks lead the nation in scoring at 43.3 points per game.  35 of Oregon’s 71 touchdown drives took five plays or less.  Over a third of those 71 drives took 56 seconds or less.  We could be seeing a lot of Tostitos commercials tonight.

I have no idea what Nick Fairley just said. http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2011/01/video_five_minutes_with_nick_f.html

History says Auburn only has a 17% chance of winning. Only 17% of Heisman winners have also won the National Championship in the same year. Alabama’s Mark Ingram did it last year, so the probability of it happening again is like 1 in $180,000.

Oregon’s uniforms will have more flash than the Natalie Merchant laser show. Nike pulled out all the stops (and bright green) for the Ducks’ uniforms.  Fans watching the game in 3D are subject to blindness.

You can earn your college degree 100% online in as little as 2 to 3 years. The University of Phoenix makes it possible for virtually anyone to complete education courses. Your degree will increase your potential for top salaries—an important issue in today’s economic climate. You can balance family life, your career and achieve additional education through this renowned institution.

Defense wins championships. The Auburn defense finished 54th in the country in scoring defense, giving up 24.5 points per game.  Oregon’s defense ranked 12th in the nation in scoring defense.  Auburn has a pretty strong d-line (and that’s it) that’ll need to keep Oregon inside the hash marks if the Tigers are going to win the game.  If LaMichael James can get outside and in the open field, it’s going to be a long night for Auburn.

The halftime show is so horny. As always, the two marching bands will be your halftime entertainment.  My prayers for Jimmy Buffett, a former Auburn student, were unanswered.

Cecil Newton will watch the game in style. Papa Newton, in his diamond-studded Auburn jersey, will be popping bottles of Louis XIII in the “Holy Zion Church” stadium luxury box.  Cam’s father reportedly demanded 3-million dollars from Tostitos and 1.5-million from the University of Phoenix in appearance fees for his son.  Don’t worry though, Cam didn’t know about it.

Gene Chizik better savor the moment. Two years ago, Gene Chizik was 2-8 at Iowa State before his questionable hire at Auburn.  He went a respectable 8-5 in his first season with the Tigers, then God (and AU boosters) gave him Cam Newton.  My point: enjoy it while it lasts, Gene. This season is all because of your quarterback; it doesn’t make you an elite coach.

Be prepared for Vince Young comparisons. If Cam Newton dominates the game, highlights from the 2005 BCS National Championship game will take over your television.

Oregon’s cheerleaders will have tan lines. They went to the pool in Glendale yesterday…

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Predictions, go…

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

63 Comments for The Official Unofficial BCS National Championship Preview



  1. catinhat
    3:01 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    yes yes no yes yes yes



  2. catinhat
    3:02 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Anyone going to have Scam Newton vs Enes Kantor signs at Rupp vs Auburn tomorrow night? Or Fire Emmert signs?



  3. 3 fan
    3:04 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    More Oregon cheerleading pics please!



  4. cam newton
    3:05 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I told reggie I ain’t giving mine back



  5. cam newton's dad
    3:06 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I am going to make it rain on those B*@$%es



  6. cam newton
    3:07 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Dad dont talk about money, i didn’t know



  7. huge ky fan
    3:08 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    ight i love ky but auburn better win this game i done bet money and everything



  8. catinhat
    3:09 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Hey Oregon, the SEC teams don’t need special effects shoe/socks to create the illusion of a speeding blur, sorry you felt the need for such.



  9. fish
    3:09 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    1- no? ohhhkay



  10. SexnNursinHomes
    3:09 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Beis is breakin out the heat with these picts todays. dayyum..

    man, that lil one on the left end, if she had a klostemy bag, I’d eat from it. seriously.



  11. thats budda
    3:10 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Oregon cheerleaders blow it wide open late in a back in forth tussle with a couple of huge turnovers that bring the event to a exciting climax.



  12. All Leftists are Enemies of the U.S.
    3:10 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Auburn wins tonight, then loses by 30+ tomorrow night at Rupp…



  13. fish
    3:11 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    oh now i get it duh… i didnt even notice that dude



  14. huge ky fan
    3:14 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    i love how everyone at my school is tryna say oregon is gonna win cuz they so fast and good. they dont no shit cuz oregon hasnt played anyone all tht good forreal. now tht they have to deal wit cam they aint gonna no wat to do



  15. spacecowboy
    3:15 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    3,3,3,3,3



  16. Drew Franklin
    3:15 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    11.) Hi, my name is Drew. I write here too.



  17. Mr Schwump
    3:19 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    4 looks slutty as hell, my kind of girl.



  18. Al's IndiCats
    3:19 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    8,8,8,8,8,…..Damn, I ate them all



  19. ashleyjudd'scrotch
    3:23 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Do they have webbed feet? Brings true meaning to f..k a duck



  20. GoodLord
    3:29 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    17.) Hahahaha Best writer on here, hands down!



  21. catinhat
    3:33 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    14 – Poor little Drew.

    Drew: “I write here too, you know!!” (Flops into seat and sucks thumb.)

    Beis: “Ok everyone, let’s give Drew a big Thank You.”

    Everybody: “Thaaaank yooouu, Mister Franklin.”

    Beis: “Okay, now Drew, take your thumb out of your mouth so you can say “your welcome.” Drew, I said . . . Drew! There you go. Nice boy.”



  22. Drew Franklin
    3:36 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    22.) Beisner is always looking out for me!



  23. Big Blue 66
    3:36 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I hope Auburn can reprent, but Oregon 43, Auburn 37 with a late score.



  24. Dominator
    3:37 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I’m sure the halftime show will be very horny Drew. Marching bands really turn me on



  25. catinhat
    3:40 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    23 – As he should. I appreciate all the efforts from all the contributors.

    Appreciation of efforts doesn’t always mean liking the results, of course . . . 🙂



  26. JCH
    3:41 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Nice uni’s – Nike should launch a line of fishing lures…



  27. Nerd
    3:44 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Actually Drew, Since last years championship has no effect on this year championship, the odds will be 17% again.



  28. catinhat
    3:45 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    24 – As in Reprent of their wicked ways?



  29. SexnNursinHomes
    3:49 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    17- Drew- hahaha- didn’t look at the name who posted it. sorry

    keep throwin these hotties up and you will be the Big Pimp around KSR



  30. stegbrent
    3:49 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Yes,Yes,YES!,Yes,Yes.Dude in the back just roll over into the pool please.



  31. SexnNursinHomes
    3:49 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Oh, Drew- you won’t be getting a call from me at nights. I don’t call men after dark.



  32. Don
    3:53 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    The halftime show is so horny?



  33. OneAndDone
    3:54 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    3,4,2,1,5



  34. HALFTIME SHOW
    3:57 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Oh yes, I am. I’m randy, baby! Oh, oh, me so horny!



  35. TonyDelk00
    3:57 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Over or under:

    Number of times “6-6 250 lbs.” is mentioned in the BCS Championship game: 25



  36. BPsycho
    3:59 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    #33 Yeah, the band, horns, horn instruments, horns, horns, the band play them, horns.

    horny, the band is horny, they play horns, horns will be played, the halftime show, the band plays at halftime, horns

    ohhh, they soo horny, oh oh they soo horny, uh oh they so horny, they play them at halftime, horns.



  37. Syrin
    4:01 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Cam just LOOKS like an arrogant jack ass. Hope Auburn wins after he gets knocked out of the game with a career ending injury.



  38. LittleBrotherSucks
    4:07 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    36)

    Sounds like the start of a drinking game to me…



  39. Rush3Redux
    4:11 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    The 17% statistic is interesting, but I’d more interested to know the percentage of Heisman winners who won the national title after making it to the national title game. Kind of hard to do unless you’re in the title game.



  40. Roggensak
    4:12 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    3,5,2,1,4



  41. I Call John Wall At Night
    4:15 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Oregon knows how to pick ’em. More please!



  42. Not necessarily in that order says:
    4:30 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    3,5,4,1,2



  43. Middle Toe
    4:45 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Halftime show is so horny? That followed up by a Jimmy Buffett reference can only mean one thing, Freud was right.



  44. NegativeForNoReason
    4:49 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    10-he said no to the guy in the pool….But as a straight man you probably missed him on first view.



  45. BPsycho
    5:08 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    LOL ^



  46. okay
    5:18 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Since this is a post about the national title game how about this (I am the QB):
    Center,Left Guard,Left Tackle,Right Guard,Right Tackle



  47. playersfan
    5:25 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    IF newton was so broke, where did that diamond earbob come from.



  48. Harley Wells
    5:26 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    i don’t understand why they have the bowl game (and the ncaa champ game) on a frickin Monday nite



  49. AppyCat
    5:39 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    #4 from left to right is choice 1 thru 5. If shot down in flames then I’m not picky with the rest. Please don’t tell my wife.



  50. echo 1
    6:13 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    4,3,1,2,5



  51. cattttttttttttttttt
    6:16 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    thankz 4 the pic of cam newton:) he’s cute



  52. GeezerJock
    6:18 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    How would you like to be the little guy peeping thru the legs?????



  53. forde's deepdarksecrets
    6:27 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    4,2,5,3,1



  54. Voice of Reason
    6:35 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I don’t care that Auburn is an SEC school. I want that cheating chump choking on Duck. He doesn’t deserve to win., and karma is a bitch.



  55. ya boi
    6:50 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I went to middle school with #4. When we were like 10 I accidentally jumped on her in the pool and gave her a bloody nose lol. She wasn’t as hot back then…



  56. stevied
    6:53 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    3-1-2-4-5, then 3 again



  57. stevied
    7:39 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    y



  58. Blue Heaven
    7:43 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    #3 has the hips that clearly allow the legs to be pinned behind the head.



  59. Coumbia Cat
    8:10 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    Drew, the one in the middle, she is using you to get to me – and she is getting to me! Yes!



  60. Diaperhead Ray
    8:11 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    I predict in 25 years these cheerleaders will each weigh at least 42 pounds more.



  61. and
    8:15 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    ^ in that case in 25 years they will all still weigh less than the wife



  62. Blue Heaven
    9:38 pm January 10, 2011 Permalink

    #61 I think most men would be willing to ride them for the next 25 years with the expectation of a 42 pound gain. That is less than 2 pounds per year.