Dear KSR Readers:
It is with great regret that I inform you that I, Nathan Gower, will be regularly contributing to the waste of your time as you peruse the fine pages of kentuckysportsradio.com. I have been with the website in an official capacity for less than a week, and my Facebook account has already been flooded with friend requests and creepy private messages. Most of them from BTI.
With all of the love that has been sent my way, I thought that I would say “thank you” by giving you some insider information on what it really takes to be a writer for KSR. Surprisingly enough, “writing skills” is not a requirement, as evidenced by half of the posts on this site. However, other rules are strictly enforced.
Directly from the Kentucky Sports Radio Employee Handbook 2010-2011, all blogger candidates should be willing to adhere to the following mandates:
1. All bloggers, by the end of the first week of employment, should have a tattoo that reads: “Property of Kentucky Sports Radio, moderated by Matt Jones Thomas Beisner.” Placement of the tattoo is at the sole discretion of Drew Franklin.
2. All bloggers must massage the ego of Matt Jones once per day with an original compliment. Compliments should preferably be made in person, but other acceptable methods are via phone, text, or by sending flowers. Failure to comply will result in immediate suspension from the site (a la Kate Martin).
3. All bloggers will remain in a bathroom stall at the KSR compound for three hours, or until they “toughen up”, whichever comes first.
4. All bloggers will pronounce “Enes” in a way that preserves humor, regardless of whether such pronunciation is incorrect or offends Enes himself.
5. All bloggers will bold randomly to appease and/or confuse lazy readers.
6. All bloggers will include “FREE ENES” in every post until further notice.
7. All bloggers will take turns rubbing Matt’s feet while he entertains the masses on Kentucky Sports Radio (as in, the actual radio show . . . still some confusion there).
8. All bloggers will over-promise and under-deliver.
9. All bloggers should include no less than four grammatical mistakes in each post, simply to remind people that this is a free site.
10. All bloggers who wish to make use of a list in a post will end said list on a nice, round number. Preferably “10”.
So, there you go. The mystery is solved.
In all seriousness, I’m thrilled to be a part of the nonsense that is KSR. I appreciate you guys reading what I’ve got, and hopefully I can uphold the quality that you’ve come to expect from the site. If you are the type of person who enjoys reading inconsequential updates about the lives of KSR bloggers, you can join my 16 followers on twitter: @nathangower84. I’ll try to remember to tweet more than once a year.
God bless. Go Cats.