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The Bruce Pearl Diaries

brucepearldiaries

Thanks to an undisclosed women’s basketball team assistant, I was able to once more take a look at Bruce Pearl’s diary, his most prized possession (aside from his Weird Al Yankovic CD collection). Enjoy!

March 3, 2011

Dear Diary,

I must admit, I’m feeling a little down tonight. Sure, my team just beat South Carolina, and that’s great and all, but I just got done watching the new Jersey Shore, and man was it depressing. Why was Vinny so mean to Snooki? Doesn’t he know they’re meant to be? I really need to sort out my feelings about this in my fanfiction later tonight…

A lot has happened since my last entry, diary. Tennessee received its notice of allegations from the NCAA. Seriously, don’t they understand that boys just wanna have fun? What coc–sorry, “shot blockers.” Ugh, I forgot that I’m supposed to be PC and all now. Where’s the fun in that? Thanks, Hambone.

Anyways, it looks like I’ve got a couple more months of freedom left until the hammer falls. And I plan on livin’. L-I-V-I-N. Don’t worry, diary, no barbeques, heh. But I really need to take advantage of my platinum membership to Déjà Vu in case they make me leave Knoxville. Besides, what happens in the club stays in the club, right? I wonder if it’s rude to ask for my last pay check in singles…

So I guess the next “big thing” around here is Sunday’s game against Kentucky. The pregame crap has already started. Seriously, I’m not sure how many more “Kentucky is a great team”s and “Cal’s a great coach”s I can spit out. That’s more BS than I fed the NCAA. I hate Kentucky and their fans, especially those who sat behind our bench in Lexington. Classless jerks. I had to stop Brandy from getting all hellfire and brimstone on them.

Speaking of Brandy, she’s not taking this NCAA stuff so well. Even though I’ve tried to explain it to her several times, she’s convinced I’m going to the “NCAA jail” in June. She’s knitting a “Shroud of Pearlin” afghan for me to take to keep warm. Women, I swear…sometimes I wonder why I invited her on S.S. Pearl to begin with.

I’d be lying (lol) if I said I wasn’t worried about Sunday. The team is tired…too many late nights. Scotty’s more concerned about his hair than his game; Renaldo has basically checked out (if I have to hear that Swiperboy crap one more time…); Williams continues to eat his feelings; hell, apparently even Smokey has fleas. Hopefully the team will rally for Bruce Pearl Day–I mean, “Senior Day”…right, like these guys mean as much to this program as I do. Have they ever wept on television or done shots with Charlie Sheen? I don’t think so. Winning!

Okay, off to bed. Hopefully I won’t dream about Jodie Meeks again tonight…

xoxo,
Bruce

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

14 Comments for The Bruce Pearl Diaries



  1. reality
    5:20 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    my next favorite writer on KSR….



  2. The Real Pioneer
    5:24 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    DEAR DIARY,

    I CAN NOT STAND BRUCE PEARL AND THAT CHEAP GRIN THAT HE FLASHES WAY TOO MUCH, THE COLOR ORANGE, THE ENTIRE STATE OF TENNESSEE, AND ANY FAN WHO CLAIMS TO BE A FAN, ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAIL FROM THE STATE OF KENTUCKY (LOOKING AT YOU ALLAN HOUSTON).

    –TROY MCKINLEY



  3. Big D
    5:32 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    That is some funny stuff. Good job.



  4. bung
    5:40 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    yes



  5. Big D
    5:44 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    And now my favorite Vol tribute of all time. Those of you old enough, or who have seen all the old Burt Reynolds movies, will remember this. From W W and The Dixie Dance Kings. Burt and his posse pull into the gas station in Tennesse, and Burt tells the old attendant to fill-er up, and asks “How bout them Vols” ? The old dudes mumbled response is “[email protected]#$ a bunch of Vols”. NOTHING SUCKS LIKE A BIG ORANGE !



  6. The Real Hambone
    5:44 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    Ms. Thompson is the best thing to happen to this site since SnNHs was banned.



  7. Troy McKinley fan club president
    5:45 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    retire all numbers not 40 ! retire them all now … the only number left will be 40 and ALL UK PLAYRS WILL HAVE TO WEAR IT AS A LIVING TRIBUTE TO THE ONE AND ONLY
    TeeMickKay !



  8. ukjonny8
    5:50 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    UK women beat LSU 60-58 and advance to semis!



  9. SexnNursinHomes
    6:15 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    6- I didn’t get banned- you fool



  10. BracketCat
    6:17 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    ukjohnny8

    they play the winner of #11 MSU vs # 3 Vandy tomorrow at 6:30



  11. Bg Cat
    6:27 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    Please Ban The Troy Mckinley Sack Sucker. Please



  12. The Real Hambone
    6:31 pm March 4, 2011 Permalink

    Oh… just wishful thinking then



  13. yo
    1:18 am March 5, 2011 Permalink

    ms tylers has to be hot



  14. Al's IndiCats
    8:07 am March 5, 2011 Permalink

    Was Mrs. Pearl thinking YMCA instead of the NCAA? Because after this year? B/C, that’s the only place the “Chosen One” will be able to coach