First off, I just want to say that I am sorry for the server issues on the site and I accept full responsibility. As you’ve seen on here in the past, the host provider doesn’t have the capacity for such a big news story like the one we had earlier this week in the announcement of my signing with KSR. I should’ve held a press conference rather than breaking the story on here. Now, onto the debut…
For my inaugural post, I am just going to tell you a little bit about me so you’re not wondering how I got here and why you should follow me for UK news. As the only son in a two-father household, sports come natural to me… it’s all I know (as evident by my 1.4 GPA). I’ve grown up on denim Converses, 31-point comebacks, Air Raid football, and bourbon. Lots and lots of bourbon.
As Matt mentioned before, I am formerly of the Horace Grant Halftime Report. When I started the site in January, I had one goal in mind – to provide viewers with the internet’s largest photo database of people who look like their pets. Unfortunately, after three months of slow traffic and zero subscriptions, I decided to focus more on sports and wave the $39.99 monthly fee. Making the switch turned out to be the right decision as other media outlets began to link to my stories, traffic increased, and TMZ.com offered me $350 to make a sex tape. The future looked bright for The Report as I received praise for it’s greatness. It looked like I was on my way to achieving my goal of selling the rights to Google for $5 mill… that is, until Matt Jones murdered the Horace Grant Halftime Report. All it took was a simple phone call from Matt, blue blood in my veins, and a fifth of Tanqueray to pull the plug on Ho Grant and make the switch to KSR. I just couldn’t turn it down. As you all already know, KSR is to the Kentucky Wildcats, as John Calipari is to point guards, and Bryan the Intern is to pedophilia. How could I say no?
Going forward, I promise to provide you with viable UK news and insight in an extremely biased manner. I have some big things planned in the future that I’m sure you will enjoy, as well as some photoshopped images that you probably shouldn’t open with the office computer. I’m really looking forward to covering the upcoming seasons here at KSR. Now, I expect everyone to head into the comments section and absolutely rip me apart. I welcome all encouragement, insults, and death threats. Just keep in mind, regardless of what you think about me, you will NEVER hate Louisville as much as I do. Go Cats.