This isn’t going to sit well with KSR nation, but I’ve had a change of heart prior to this year’s game. Normally, I would write cruel things about our competition in this slot. But today, just one day before Kentucky and Louisville tip off, I am reaching out to opposing fans with hopes of a better understanding of their program.
So don’t expect jokes ridiculing the University of Louisville. I’m not going to do what all of you fine people in Big Blue Nation would like for me to do. I won’t make fun of Rick Pitino’s infidelities, his pro-choice lifestyle, or his quick release. Don’t ask me to poke fun at Samardo Samuels’ professional career. I won’t do it. I’m above that. I won’t bring up the story of Preston Knowles beating up his girlfriend’s dad over a hairbrush or Steve Masiello selling imaginary Kentucky Derby tickets. I’m not even going to tell you how bad Louisville sucks. Not one word about how terrible they are. I won’t point out that the program is falling faster than a wad of spunk in Ricky Pitino’s pants. I won’t do it. It’s time to respect our opponent. No more jokes about 15 seconds, Ricky Three Stacks, or flat-billed hats. We’re better than that.
Instead, this year on the eve of the big game, I wrote a questionnaire for Louisville fans. My hope is that we can learn from our opponent and appreciate them. We don’t need to hate Louisville fans; we just need to understand them. And I think this questionnaire is one step in putting the hate behind us and growing together.
1.) Do you still think Peyton Siva will be just as good, if not better than John Wall? We’re friends now so you can admit when you’re wrong.
2.) Did you get that gift basket we sent you over the summer? We felt bad for taking Marquis Teague so we sent over a care package. It’s the least we could’ve done since you guys basically had his commitment locked up and even hired his former high school coach. That was so kind of you. In this economy it is hard for anyone to find work, especially an assistant high school basketball coach. What you did for him was class act and I’m sure he’ll be a great addition to your staff. Wait, you already fired him?
3.) The Colonel’s Secret Recipe, I almost have it figured out but I can’t put my finger on that eleventh herb. Can you tell me? Or is that secret locked tight with season ticket holders?
4.) Do you use a stencil to line up that beard? The craftsmanship is remarkable. It’s almost like it grows in a perfect line with a 1.2″ width. You truly are a virtuoso of the facial hair arts.
5.) Where is Quincy Miller? I checked your incoming class for next season and didn’t see his name listed. I thought we gift wrapped him for you. It could be that I just passed over his name. The list is very confusing with all of the white-out and scribbles everywhere.
6.) Does Steve Masiello drive a convertible? Just wondering.
7.) Do you think Drexel is a Top 25 team? The Dragons have a handful of program-defining wins this season. They beat St. Francis and Rider by four points, Northeastern by five, and eked out a three point victory over Loyola. And, they beat Louisville by six. In the Yum Center.
8.) What kind of production are you expecting from Terrence Jennings tomorrow? I ask this because I’m told he will be up all night at a homecoming party in Jeffersonville. With the early tipoff tomorrow, I just wonder if he’ll be able to resist a rest. Experts are saying that in order for Louisville to win, Jennings will need to be efficient for 40 minutes. That would mean playing the whole game and resisting a rest. What do you think?
9.) On what birthday does a young Louisville fan receive his/her first tattoo? And is Old English lettering mandatory or just recommended?
10.) Do you honestly think Louisville is superior to Kentucky? Seriously. Even if Louisville wins by 50 tomorrow, you’re still Louisville.
Please get back to me with honest answers. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you for your time and good luck tomorrow. Remember, it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about having fun while exhibiting teamwork, being the best person you can be, and not beating up your girlfriend.