Skip to content

Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Sparks’ new advisor full of wonder, magic

LEXINGTON — Patrick Sparks’ nearly half-court three pointer is only the first of many amazing feats to come, says University of Kentucky head coach Tubby Smith.

“Patrick’s extra tutelage from Nanny McPhee, we feel, is going to really lift the haze surrounding him right now,” Smith said. “I could already see the gleam in his eye the other day when he showed me how a horse can dance.”

As Sparks’ slump has been widely covered and criticized by many sports outlets, the coaching staff felt that perhaps the dearth wasn’t brought upon by lack of attention to the game, but rather a lack of attention to the magic in his heart.

“Nanny McPhee just showed up at my doorstep one morning,” said Sparks. “At first I was skeptical, but after she made an origami swan flap its wings and fly away, I paused Madden ’06 and started listening to what she had to say.”

Teammate Ravi Moss says McPhee’s presence is returning the entire team to the wonders of being a child.

“I now know that anything can exist in the world of imagination,” said Moss. “Even two wins against Florida and an NCAA Championship.”

Smith feels some critics have been too harshly outspoken about McPhee’s previous coaching credentials.

“I don’t even think they play basketball in England, do they?” asked Smith. “Let’s not split hairs.”

As for now, McPhee continues to spend two hours after each practice coaching Sparks alone.

“Nanny McPhee is a magic maker,” said Sparks during a recent press conference, where he rubbed his full stomach and pretended to eat a magnificent feast with pantomimed silverware. “All we have to do is believe in the power of ourselves.”

Article written by C.M. Tomlin