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SI Discusses 2013 Season in Fun-Size Bites

“Fun-size”: The second-biggest lie in the candy world, after the “good” in Good-n-Plenty.

Unlike CBS Sports, which has decided to fill the college basketball offseason with admissions of bias and anonymous rumor-mongering, Sports Illustrated actually wants to talk about basketball.  Crazy, right?  Unfortunately, in spite of the recruiting period being thoroughly under way, there simply isn’t a whole lot to talk about.  So, they did what any good marketer would do: assign a catchy name to small bits of something (in this case, “Twitter-style), and act like it’s a novelty.  So, SI has compiled 53 different succinct synopses for prominent hoops teams, with a healthy dose of puns thrown in.  I would post just the Kentucky one, but like fun-sized candy bars, nobody wants just one.  So I’ve assembled several relevant bites.  It’s like a Halloween grab-bag (without the needles).


A lot of talent left, but there’s a lot of talent left. Two E8s in 3 yrs have stamped program with cred. This team still Bears watching.


Gators will miss the Real Deal (and Walker), but there’s enough back with Boynton, Murphy and Young plus some frosh guards to make UK sweat.


Cards dictate terms to everyone. Even the Yum! Center owners need help. Repeat F4 could depend on Luke Hancock’s O to support lethal D.


Will Terrell Stoglin’s departure help young Terps morph into a more Turgeon-style ball-sharing team? Or will they lack offensive options?

Missouri (Big 12 to SEC)

If bevy of transfers blend in and Bowers is healthy, the Tigers are a threat to win the SEC. Plus, Mizzou vs. Mike Anderson? #funforfans

Murray State

The nation is now aware of this Canaan baller. Foes will be reading from the Book of Isaiah again this season, and the Racers will profit.

“Profit”?  “Isaiah”?  I see what they did there.  Anyway, moving on:

Notre Dame

Abro not getting an extra year was disappointing, but Cooley, Martin and Co. head a dangerous, experienced roster. Legit Big East sleeper.


Vols fans must be Stokes’d. SEC’s down and second half of last year augers well for Cuonzo’s plan. Plus they can see Bruce Pearl on TV!

Texas A&M (Big 12 to SEC)

Everything went wrong last season, and Big 12 is a tough league if you’re running bad. A few games against Auburn, Miss St., etc. will help.


Vandy rode an experienced core to its peak. Now what? Kevin Stallings wants to coach at least seven more years. First couple may be down.


Foes don’t feel bad that Cats lost almost everyone. Cal just locks (up more talent) and (re)loads. A step back is still a really good team.

I think the Kentucky assessment is a very fair one.  However, in an admittedly down year, “really good” might still be enough.  Plus there’s plenty of reason to believe this team will improve a great deal through the course of the season and make great strides like the Brandon Knight-led team in 2010-11.  A fourth consecutive SEC title (either regular season or tournament) looks very possible, and a Final Four three-peat isn’t at all out of the question.  So, there you have it; all of Kentucky’s prominent scheduled opponents (plus Murray State) in 140 characters or less.  Now if only it could be basketball season already.

Article written by Corey Nichols

5 Comments for SI Discusses 2013 Season in Fun-Size Bites

  1. Rxwildcat
    9:04 am August 10, 2012 Permalink

    Insert Corey sucks comment here

  2. Boom
    9:16 am August 10, 2012 Permalink

    I am really looking forward to annihilating Vandy this year.

  3. JayCee
    9:51 am August 10, 2012 Permalink

    What happened to the FB post from last night talking about how much UK has put into FB?

    Poof? Gone?

  4. dick gosinia
    12:52 pm August 10, 2012 Permalink

    Love my UK basketball but I would never want to skip football and jump straight to basketball season. I may feel differently by Oct 15th but I am ready for some UK football at CWS!

  5. Matty S.
    8:42 pm August 10, 2012 Permalink

    Agreed. A .01 ounce candy bar is not “fun” size. “Fun” size is a 40-pound Snickers with boobs.