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Semifinalist Blogger # 4: Corey Robertson’s Longwood awards

All day, we will be giving you the reports of the four Semifinalists of the “Who Wants to be a Blogger” contest. Every contestant had to do a game report of last night’s contest versus Longwood. They were given free reign to report on the game however they wanted. We will put one up an hour and you can comment on who you think was good, bad and ugly. The top two make the Finals next week. Now up is Corey Robertson:

**Note: In order to abstain from any unnecessary “That’s what she said” jokes, all instances of “Longwood” from the following have been replaced with “The Lancers”, which has been deemed less innuendo likely**

Cats un-phased after coming face to face with Longwood The Lancers
(Aren’t you glad I put that disclaimer up there?)

No surprises here tonight. Everyone on the team brought the A-game. Pre-injury Patterson had us all rooting for him to just get assists in the 2nd half so he could get a triple double. Josh Harrellson became everyone’s favorite player again. Jodie Meeks only scored 17, dropping his average to probably around 50 or so. A good night all around.

It’s games like this where I wish the university would put on an awards show afterwards to recognize some of the performances from the night. They could get Kige Ramsey and Marc Maggard to host the show. Who wouldn’t stick around after the game to watch that? Here are some of the awards that I imagine they would give out.

Mark Coury Memorial Walk-On Award
Every fan loves it when his favorite walk on player gets into the game. No walk on in the history of walking on has ever showed more heart than what Mark Coury showed in his 2 years at Kentucky. No player was ever more confident that his shot was going in, even though I was 100% confident that it was going to get blocked into the upper deck. Tonight’s recipient cheered his heart out on the sideline. He enthusiastically handed Patrick Patterson his water bottle during TV timeouts. And in his limited minutes on the floor, he showed a lot of heart and determination. Tonight’s Walk-On award goes to….JARED CARTER!! What? He’s not a walk-on? Umm, well, I guess I’ll give it to Mark Krebs then because he hit a 3 pointer.

Antwain Barbour Award for Pump Fake Excellence
The pump fake is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Faking a shot to draw the defender off his feet has been around nearly as long as the game itself. While not kept as an official stat, it is believed that Antwain Barbour’s 17,276 pump fakes is an NCAA record. While tonight’s recipient will likely never utilize Barbour’s patented quintuple pump fake, they have exemplified one of the oldest and most feared arts in basketball. Tonight’s recipient is Michael Porter for his exceptional pump fake, drive and dish that he showcased throughout the game. Along with 5 points and 6 rebounds (and only 1 turnover) Michael delivers with another solid performance.

Chuck Hayes Garbage Man Award
Every team needs a good garbage man. Someone who is willing to scrap down low and earn most of his points off of offensive rebounds. Tonight’s garbage man award goes to Joshua Harrellson for his three offensive rebounds, even thought he was mostly rebounding his own ugly underhanded shots. Josh finished the night with 12 points, seven rebounds, and what seemed like 15 blocks. If only he could incorporate the jorts into his game attire.

The Gimel Mashburn Award for Broadcast Mediocrity
Long before twin brothers Jamal and Gimel Bradley played a possession for the Wildcats, the TV announcers were hyping the duo of Gimel Mashburn and Jamal Martinez. Fortunately, this years team features fairly easy to pronounce names and tonight the broadcast team was flawless. I salute you Dave and Kyle. This award shall remain vacated until next game, when Raymond Harris and Gerald Carter show up.

Golden Gummi Bear (Awarded to best foreign big man)
By far, the most outstanding foreign big man (even if he was the only one) was The Lancer’s own Jan van der Kooij, who I’m glad got to play for 2 minutes at the end of the game so I could give out this award. If only he would have made his 3 pointer.

That Guy Award
That guy is the guy who always shows up in Rupp Arena and hits 5 or 6 3 pointers even though they are only averaging 4 points a game. That guy is the guy that comes into the game shooting 8.3% from 3-point range and leaves shooting 94.4%. That guy is the guy who makes you think, if we don’t guard this guy, we are only going to win by 30 instead of 80. Tonight’s That Guy award goes to The Lancer’s own Ryan Bogan (who I suspect is really just Ryan Hogan in disguise) for his 6 of 12 shooting from behind the arc. If you weren’t worried this guy was going to hit 3 straight 3’s to end the half and get it to single digits, you were lying to yourself.

Game Ball
You shoulder all of the blame when the team loses, you get to shoulder the credit when we win. Well done tonight coach. Give ‘em hell in Vegas.

Evan: I loved this one, as well. You brought a good, unique angle, but you managed to actually contribute pertinent information as well. Very well done. The conference call choosing the finalists is going to be a doozy…

Beisner: Another good entry. Like Tyler’s, it wasn’t heavy on the game info (which may or may not be the point of this), but you took an interesting angle. All of your posts have been solid and this is no different. I still put Hunter in the lead, but I think the other three are all in a close battle. Four good entries this week.

Matt Jones: My favorite yet again. Corey, while I think you have had one or two better, you have had the most consistent run throughout in my view. Great job

Tomlin: Oh, hey guys. What are you doing? Critiquing Corey Robertson’s entry? That’s cool. Can I join in? Corey, I agree with the other fellas here in that you’ve been really consistent across the board, and this had some great moments as well (kudos for giving some awards to Lancers, they’re unsung and need their resumes padded). Consistently funny and the award angle was a lot of fun, you brought it again. This is a tough round. Good luck, gang.

Article written by Thomas Beisner