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Raising a Big Blue Family

 

This is a real thing that is actually for sale on Expecting Fan’s website. 

 

So the royal baby has you all crazy about the idea of a little bundle of joy in your own home. Good for you! Children are a joy, especially when you’re paid to hang out with them like I am. Naturally, you want to make sure your child has every advantage in life and that they’re the absolute coolest miniature human being they can possibly be- namely, a die-hard UK fan right from the start. As KSR’s resident professional nanny and expert on all things kiddos, let me get you started on the right tiny, precious “awwwwwww those toes are like little gumdrops I just want to eat them right up!” foot with five easy tips to ensure that your kid will be a great addition to the BBN.

 

1. It all starts with the name. Your child must be blessed with a moniker glorifying UK’s glorious history. For a girl, consider Bernadette (as in Mattox), Ashley (as in Judd), Callie (short for Calipari), or maybe even get a little “out there” with Keightley (my personal favorite). Baby boys obviously have more options, but among my favorites would be Davis, Miller, John (as in Wall) or- and I know this is a stretch- Shagari. I would expect great things from a child named Shagari.

 

2. Once the ink is dry on that baby’s birth certificate, it’s time to move little Shagari into his new, UK-themed nursery. Blue walls and white furniture are obvious, but go the extra mile with a mural of Rupp Arena, or maybe a custom painting of Anthony Davis’ arms stretched over ten packages of Pampers. Don’t forget an armoire stocked with baby Kentucky onesies and jerseys- try this Etsy shop for some hilarious options. It’s never too early for a little girl to own her first UK cheerleading outfit, either (PS- pom pons make great baby toys. Hours of entertainment).

 

3. While you’re spending money, go ahead and get your child’s name on the list for season tickets. It’ll make a difference when they’re choosing your retirement home.

 

4. Baby Einstein? That stuff is for insecure parents who don’t think their kids are naturally smart. Instead, nurture your child with DVDs of championship games and past ESPN specials on the Cats. Similarly, storytime at night should feature past Sports Illustrated cover stories (make sure the actual magazine is laminated, though- babies tend to expel fluids when you least want it to happen) and classic KSR posts (edit out the NSFW content as you see fit). Past podcasts and the dulcet tones of Matt Jones and Ryan Lemond will lull baby Keightley to sleep at night. All these measures will ensure that your child’s first word will be Kentucky-related and that they’ll grow up with a nearly innate knowledge of Kentucky basketball history.

 

5. And finally, make sure your kid stays on the right side of the train tracks and doesn’t make best friends with any little Louisville kids around the block. You don’t want them to come home from a playdate with a Sharpie line beard. 

 

I charge $12/hour for one kid and $20/hour for child-rearing consulting. @KristenGeilKSR

Article written by Kristen Geil

8 Comments for Raising a Big Blue Family



  1. Ready 5
    9:43 pm July 24, 2013 Permalink

    My child is 17 and, so far, I’m gravely disappointed. Is it too late for your services?



  2. Linda Taylor
    9:53 pm July 24, 2013 Permalink

    I take care of 10, 6, and 4 year old boys. For the last year the 4 year old has constantly asked “is Anthony Davis bigger than that?” So proud. When I play one on one with the 10 year old who is almost as tall as I am we take turns being Anthony Davis and John Wall. When the 6 year old plays NBA 2k13 he always chooses the Clippers so Eric Bledsoe can be on his team. And their dad is a West VA and MI grad. I think Cal and I are doing a good job making them Cat fans.



  3. Kyle
    10:14 pm July 24, 2013 Permalink

    My wife is expecting our 2nd child currently and is due next April. Might have to add Harrison to the list.



  4. Duke Sucks
    10:17 pm July 24, 2013 Permalink

    Met big cuz while he was at UK. He sighned my girls cast and was very nice to my the 6 year old son. He was so big he scared my girl. Lol. My son isn’t much of a sports fan but he does follow big cuz. Cuz was nothing like the media portrays him to be. He took time to talk to my kids at a restaurant obviously on a date due to the hot girl he was with. Seemed to be a BIG kid but very nice and polite!



  5. backpack
    12:35 am July 25, 2013 Permalink

    I have a 2 year old named Keightley. He also pours moonshine over his cornflakes.



  6. Ridge Runner
    4:34 am July 25, 2013 Permalink

    I enjoyed this article. Thx Kristen.

    I’m guilty by the way, my son’s (who is age 15 now) middle name is “Kyle”. His infants outfit even had a #4 on it.



  7. wildcatmomma
    7:36 am July 25, 2013 Permalink

    We have a 3 year old daughter and live out of state. I was raised a UK fan – my husband just married into it. He jokes his job is to keep our daughter “off the pole” (ala Chris Rock). I know my job is to raise a big blue fan. We started with the outfits, hair clips, pompoms and chanting and clapping “Go Big Blue” at every opportunity. She stays up late to watch at least parts of lots of games when they are on. We watched the 2012 national championship game together, even though it was way past her bedtime, and took lots of pictures so she can see her first championship. Raising kids to be big blue fans, especially living outside of Kentucky, is a commitment I take seriously!



  8. john wunder business
    3:11 pm July 25, 2013 Permalink

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