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One Night With Peter

black undershirts: no longer just for 1990s high school students and Ed Hardy enthusiasts

The KSR crack-reconnaissance team went out this week to gather intel on one of Big Blue Nation’s most vile enemies.  While this has been done before, we wanted to take it a few steps further and get really creepy by showing up at his house.  (Don’t worry – we had no plans to bring torches or weapons.)  After a few brief water-boarding sessions with some higher-ups in the UofL Athletic Department, we acquired Thameltoe’s address.  Surprisingly, this troll didn’t reside under a bridge or in some sewer.  Here’s a detailed report from one of our spies first recon trips to Pete Thamel’s home:

5:00pm — Orange.  His house his f-ing orange.  The entire thing, too.  It looks like someone broke into a Sparks warehouse, force-fed themselves the toxic concoction, then puked the entirety onto a fairly big suburban home.  In the backyard, there’s gigantic archery bullseye with a fathead of Coach Cal’s face emblazoned across it.  Ten arrows rest right in Calipari’s nose.  About 30 empty Beer 30 cans litter the back porch.  A large Syracuse “S” has been painted into the grass.

6:00pm — Pete Thamel pulls up in his SmartCar.  We almost didn’t hear him coming, but we ducked behind the archery set just in time.  He carried in five bottles of wine and a stack of video cassettes.

6:30pm — We watched from the window as our boy downed an entire bottle of Boone’s Farm Watermelon as he cooked himself a Kentucky hot brown for dinner.  Once he finished the meal, he sat at the table alone with a highball glass of bourbon.  He then dumped the bourbon all over the hot brown, spit on the dish, and threw it all into the trash.  Pete ended up eating a grilled cheese while fighting back tears.

7:15pm — After sneaking in the back door, we got an up-close view of Thameltoe in his office, scouring the internet on his laptop.  First, he google searched “Pete Thamel”.  Before long, he was browsing KSR, giggling at photoshops of himself.  Then, he hopped on Twitter and searched his name again.  Instead of laughter, this one brought tears.

8:00pm — Pete grabbed a tub of ice cream and plopped down on his couch.  He inserted the VHS tapes into his 1980s era television and up popped the UK vs. UofL Final Four game.

9:00pm — After much fast forwarding, he reached the end of the tape along with the bottom of the Rocky Road quart.  He threw in another tape – this time it was the UK vs. KU National Championship game.  Peter watched this one all the way through, including the trophy and MOP ceremony.

11:00pm — As the tape hit its end and popped out, we heard a knock on the door.  We jumped, but Pete calmly got up from the couch, as if he expected company.  We huddle close and peered at him as he unlatched the door and swung it open.  The stood PAT FORDE!  The two men embraced long and hard, with closed eyes.  As the guest opened his eyes, they locked with ours.  Forde spotted us.

11:05pm — We ran as fast as we could to our car and sped off.

There you have it folks.  One night with Pete Thamel ends in a sportswriter bromance.  Maybe we give Thameltoe too much of a hard time around here.  I don’t really care, regardless.  Pete Thamel sucks.  Go Cats.  Never forget…

Article written by Chris Thomas

22 Comments for One Night With Peter

  1. HOO HOO
    4:49 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink



  2. IUFanbase
    4:50 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Please let something relevant happen to us again!!! We carved a nice spot to place an Elight 8 banner!

  3. FourThinInches
    4:55 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    I hope to god you didn’t write this Chris Thomas. There are so many spelling errors in that timeline…. You should at least tell readers you didn’t if so; it may win back their respect and mine.

  4. HeshimuEvans'2ndGradeTeacher
    4:58 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    That was boring enough

  5. CatsFan1948
    5:00 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Thamel knows, nothing sucks like a big orange, cause he knows his Forde, I mean fruits.

  6. Hartline
    5:01 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    That picture is still the best. The TMZ guy makes me laugh every time

  7. MemphisCat
    5:07 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    That was how I got married, my wife got pregnant after “One Night with Peter”

  8. Cats#!t Crazy
    5:10 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    I don’t usually write negative things on here, but…that was seriously the worst post I have ever read. Ever. At no point did I crack a smile. Brutal. I’m sad now.

  9. Aligned for 9
    5:11 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    How quickly the Hoosiers forget…lol

  10. Wild Bill
    5:15 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Please allow me to introduce two new words to you Mr. Thomas: PROOF READ. How ’bout two more: SPELL CHECK. That is all.

  11. cats11
    5:37 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Not funny.

  12. uk6
    5:38 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    paranoid………..he has written many articles about problems at other schools…..

  13. Polygamist Weezer
    5:57 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Mr. Thomas, what you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent post were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone visiting this site is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  14. Billy Clyde on the side
    6:01 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Let me try some “Thamel-esque” journalistic integrity and flip this on him:

    There are questions that New York Times Reporter, Pete Thamel, has had inappropriate realtions with underaged boys in several states and overseas. A reporter recently asked questions regarding whether Thamel, a resident of New York, had inappropriate relations with several underaged boys. Thamel did not repond to the questions, but the reporter beleives New York, and other state officials may wish to look into this matter and the reporter will provide New York authorities with information regarding the reporter’s suspicions. Thamel has most recently been traced to several investigative reports leading him to spend time at high schools in Alabama, Massachusetts and even in Turkey, thus, giving him access to underage children.”

    See what I did there. I created the questions in my head. I printed that there were questions, that a reporter (me) would be happy to share suspicions with authortiies if need be, and I used 4th person to label myself as a source. I took circumstancial facts, and strung them together to make it seem like something relevant happened. I used New York Times and Pedophilia in the Headline to make it look juicy. I had no facts to back up my questions / suspicions, but hey, doesn’t matter, who would publish such a flimsy piece of work anyway …. the paper of record?

  15. frankoa
    6:13 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    Every picture I see of this guy he looks more and more like a queer I knew back when I was a teenager……bet he has a high pitch voice and a strange walk for a man!

  16. duhville cat
    6:14 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    14) I see what ya’ did there. Sooooooo…… Thamel is a pedophile. Figures. He is obsessed with teenage boys.
    Now, that was some good investigative journalism.

  17. rodgers
    6:31 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    #14 is dead on… We need to spread this to the point he has to respond… Also Thamel didn’t report on fellow pedophile Bernie Fine’s case

  18. bravobigblue
    6:41 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    KSR needs to dig up some real or “allegedly” real shit on this nerd. And publish it. Turnabout is fair game, right? And the nickname Thameltoe certainly fits,doesn’t it?

  19. Swagger_Jacker
    6:44 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    I hate Thameltoe as much as the next guy and I’m not much of a negative Nancy either BUT this might’ve been the lamest piece I’ve ever read in my life. And dude, at least proofread your sh*t–especially when you’re trying to diss somebody. I’m honestly embarrassed for you. I have a hard time imagining that the almighty Drew Franklin read what I just had to suffer through, cause there’s no way on Bill Keightley’s green earth that he would’ve allowed that to be published on this site.

  20. backpack421
    8:13 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    How do you all do this? And put it on the internet, all he has to do is see this and it will be stalker charges for KSR, because this is exactly what his day consist of. Hahahahahahaha

  21. Michael Avery
    11:23 pm May 10, 2012 Permalink

    That was beyond terrible. I tried to give a courtesy grin but I couldn’t and I just started feeling uncomfortable about how horribly awkward you must feel after writing something sooooo…. dumb. In 5 years that was by far the worst post yet. This is something you can’t recover from. I’m going to pray for you tonight. It was that bad.

  22. theWilkman
    12:34 pm May 11, 2012 Permalink

    Is he watching a Tyler Perry movie in that picture?