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Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook

tipton

It’s that time of week again. Time to take an unbiased look at what’s happening with Coach Cal, World Wide Wes, and the overly-hyped freshmen who seem to comprise the UK roster each year. This season, the team hopes to make the NCAA Tournament, obtain a favorable draw, and a relatively simple path to the Final Four. They also hope against hope that unlike the previous Final Fours in which John Calipari has coached, this one will stick. For those who want to stay informed and educated, follow me on Twitter @NotJerryTipton.  Here’s the weekly notebook:

* Jealous Again? – On January 27 in Bloomington, Indiana beat Illinois in a 52-49 thriller, in what was IU coach Tom Crean’s first win over a ranked opponent in his three year tenure at Indiana. What the game lacked in execution, style, aesthetic appeal and overall basketball talent, it made up for in excitement, and as the final horn sounded, Hoosier fans stormed the court as if they’d just won the national title on a half-court buzzer beater. Some Kentucky fans scoffed at this, and argued that supporters of historically elite programs such as Indiana (Cat fans also consider UK to fall into this category) have no business rushing the court after a win, particularly when said win is a relatively meaningless conference game in January over a nondescript and injury-depleted team that’s only ranked 21st in the country.  However, this may just be a case of sour grapes on the part of UK fans, as Crean and the Hoosiers achieved something that night that John Calipari and the Wildcats have failed to achieve in the two years Cal has been in charge in Lexington: They upset a team at home. It seems hard to believe, but over the course of his 59 game career at UK — 28 of which were home games — Calipari has yet to upset a team at Rupp Arena. This has to be difficult for UK fans to accept, especially when one considers that Cal’s predecessors Rick Pitino, Tubby Smith and Billy Gillispie were able to pull off upsets at Rupp Arena during their time at UK. Of course, when one realizes this to be the case, the motivation for the criticism of Indiana fans becomes apparent. Is the Big Blue Nation turning green?

* Crazy On You – NCAA President Mark Emmert was recently inundated with threats from Kentucky fans after the NCAA ruled Enes Kanter permanently ineligible. It seems UK fans had a problem with the alleged hypocrisy between Emmert’s statement that “everybody knew Kanter would have eligibility problems” and his position as the president of the University of Washington, which recruited and got a commitment from Kanter, before Kentucky coach John Calipari somehow got Kanter to “change his mind” and commit to UK.  In fact, Kentucky fans were so menacing and threatening that the NCAA was compelled to block  posts by outsiders on Emmert’s Facebook page. According to Emmert, one Big Blue Fan even said to him “You’d better check your car.” Though this obviously furthered the usual stereotype of UK fans as “toothless hillbillies,” one has to wonder how this qualifies as actual news. In fact, it only took a few minutes of dialing random numbers out of the Louisville phone book to find someone who expected this. Louisville resident and Trinity High alum Trevor Roberts said he couldn’t have been less surprised. When asked what his reaction to the controversy was, Mr. Roberts replied “Yo, you gots to expect that from those dumb rednecks. They straight crazy. Calipari a cheater, and all they fans is cheaters too!” I attempted to ask Mr. Roberts a follow-up question, but he simply screamed “T-RIZZLE IN THE HIZZLE!!!” and hung up.

* Before He Cheats – It was recently reported here that Coach Larry Brown’s attendance at UK practices last week and his interaction with players could possibly raise questions about a violation of NCAA rules. Per these rules, a consultant (which is Brown was presumed to be) is not allowed to interact with athletes. UK center Josh Harrellson was overheard saying that Brown had “talked” to the team in practice. Though Harrelson did not specify, one can reasonably assume that Brown was leading drills, drawing up plays, etc. When reached for comment, an NCAA spokesperson said “stop calling here, you weirdo,” the implication obviously being that the NCAA office was getting tired of fielding calls concerning violations committed by the UK basketball program. We attempted to contact Kentucky’s compliance officer, Sandy Bell, but she is apparently weary of running interference for the UK basketball program, as she has blocked all calls emanating from the Herald-Leader offices.

* Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems – Before Kentucky’s recent home game against Georgia, a piece of paper was placed inside each player’s locker. It was titled “The Law of the Price Tag,” and according to Coach John Calipari, it contained 10 principles and guidelines which he wants to impress upon his players. The sheet of paper contained several references to “paying” and “the price.”  Given Kentucky’s long history of NCAA violations, many of which arose out of illegal payments made to UK players, the publication of this document undoubtedly resulted in a great deal of consternation among Cat fans. Were these “guidelines” simply veiled references to some sort of illicit payment scheme of which the players are a part?  And was this document intended to be distributed to boosters, and only ended up in players’ lockers as the result of some sort of administrative error? One of the tenets outlined was “THERE ARE NO VICTORIES AT BARGAIN PRICES.” Does this suggest that the only way Kentucky will win is if it pays players substantial sums of money? Another read “SELDOM DO YOU GET MORE THAN WHAT YOU PAY FOR” Again, was this intended to be a directive to deep-pocketed boosters to shell out large sums of money so that the nation’s top players will continue to come to Lexington?  Likewise, it does not appear that the recent economic downturn will alleviate the responsibilities of these boosters, as evidenced by the ominous and threatening words “THE PRICE NEVER DECREASES.”  We may never know to whom this document was actually intended to distributed, but as long as blue-chippers keep flocking to UK, questions will remain.

* Policy of Truth – Pat Forde, my pal and contemporary, ruffled the feathers of Kentucky fans everywhere in a recent article. The topic was recruiting, and his argument was that blue-blood programs such as UK have “boom and bust” recruiting cycles that include certain highs and lows not experienced by less-flashy, more stable programs such as Pitt and Wisconsin. The offending portion of his article read as follows: “Tubby Smith, Billy Gillispie and John Calipari coached seven future first-round draft picks in the last 10 years at UK. Yet the Wildcats have had one more NIT appearance (in ’09) than Final Four appearance in that time.” UK fans apparently considered this stat misleading, as 5 of the 7 first-rounders all came from the NBA Draft class of 2010, Calipari’s only one at Kentucky. Meanwhile, the NIT season was experienced under Billy Gillispie, who was summarily fired partially as a result of same. Pat’s detractors claim that lumping all 10 years of UK recruiting into one group, notwithstanding the vast differences among the three coaches, was unfair and grossly misleading, if not downright dishonest. In defense of Pat, though, what he wrote was true. In fact, I’d like to take this space to further Pat’s point that, despite employing the highest-paid and flashiest coach in college basketball, Kentucky’s recent history isn’t nearly as impressive as its fans would like to claim. Despite racking up 3 consecutive #1 recruiting classes to go along with those 7 first rounders…

> In the past 5 years, Kentucky has only advanced past the first weekend of the NCAA Tournament once.
> In the past 5 years, Kentucky has only won more than 22 games once.
> In the past 6 years, Kentucky has only won the SEC Tournament once.
> In the past 5 years, Kentucky has only been higher than an 8 seed in the NCAA Tournament once.
> In the past 5 years, Kentucky has lost at least 12 games every season but one.

So love him or hate him, Pat is spot-on. Perhaps if Calipari would place a greater emphasis on recruiting 4-year players instead of NBA lottery picks, Kentucky will experience more success in the next 5 years than they’ve experienced in the past 5 years.  We’ll see.

* Happy Birthday – Finally, happy birthday to Emmet O’Neal, who helped lead Central University to a thrilling 15-13 win over Kentucky on March 9, 1907. He would have turned 124 this week, had he not died in in 1949.

Article written by Not Jerry Tipton

63 Comments for Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook



  1. Hoss
    12:06 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Bravo.



  2. UKHistory
    12:08 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Loved the birthday comment.



  3. Jobu
    12:12 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Birthday comment is awesome



  4. kyborn&raised
    12:12 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Hilarious



  5. SexnNursinHomes
    12:15 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Not Jerry is awesome! KSR hit a grandslam with Not Jerry



  6. tim
    12:15 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    This is great. Keep them coming.



  7. i'm-a-superfan !!!!!
    12:15 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    …had he not died in 1949



  8. not really
    12:16 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    LOL



  9. KSR Spy
    12:18 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    That satire is hilarious. The sad thing is…this is literally very close to what you would find in a Tipton article. lol.



  10. silverado
    12:19 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    The best satirical writing ever to appear here. Nice job!



  11. Everyone
    12:22 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I like this, please retain Not Jerry for continued contributions.



  12. BPsycho
    12:22 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Very Nice NJT.

    “Finally, happy birthday to Emmet O’Neal, who helped lead Central University to a thrilling 15-13 win over Kentucky on March 9, 1907. He would have turned 124 this week, had he not died in in 1949”

    PURE GOLD… Lol



  13. bung
    12:23 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I guess I am in the minority but I don’t like a negative article about the Cats that people around the country might not recognize as satire.



  14. mad monk
    12:26 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    This is my favorite part of KSR right now. NJT is pure gold Jerry!



  15. Kernel Sanders
    12:26 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    #13 Articles written that state “Note: this is satire” are just not that funny. LOL, nice name.



  16. Al's IndiCats
    12:31 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I’m shocked! I didn’t know that the former first lady Mrs. Betty Patricia Ford wrote for sports….. Huh? What????? OH THAT Pat Forde! Well actually, they do both have two things in common, Neither one has tesicles, and or write in complete sentences.
    Good Contrbutions NJT!



  17. Escape Goat
    12:31 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Your use of the phrase “one has to wonder…” has given you way, Beisner. You use that phrase quite a bit.
    Unless of course, you have already admitted to being Not Jerry Tipton and I just missed it.

    Either way, bravo to whoever writes these. It’s my new favorite KSR pastime.



  18. Kenny Banya
    12:32 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    YES!!!!! NotJerryTipton has a NotJerryTipton Birthday SHOUT OUTS!!!!!! NotJerryTipton is the best Jerry! The BEST!



  19. real jerry tipton
    12:35 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Nice article, pretty well written, but the typical pro UK slant one would expect from some amateur fan blog. The pro UK bias was overwhelming and it stank of “coach Cal talking points” from the beginning. For some unbiased uk news check me out at my website.

    Go Cards. Go Krogering.



  20. I hate Acid Reflux
    12:37 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    The NCAA is a PURE JOKE!!!! They are ruining the college athletic landscape. And what cracks me up is, UK is BIGGER than the NCAA. Without UK, the NCAA would be about as boring as Louisville Basketball.



  21. BPsycho
    12:37 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    #19 “”While my big white **** isn’t always straight, today its Acura”

    Lol



  22. SeoulCat
    12:38 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Emmet O’Neal, lmao. This is gold!



  23. SagaciousMind
    12:41 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    29-0 at home under Cal’s tenure. Ranked in the top 5 pretty much all year. Kinda hard to upset anyone when you are the best. Still ridiculous that Hoosier fans rushed the court. Beat Ohio St at home and you have an excuse.



  24. Preston Knowles
    12:45 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    NJT is working at a very high level right now.



  25. Really?
    12:46 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Really #23? Really???????



  26. lpool003
    12:46 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Lol I love these posts. NJT is one of the best ideas this site has ever had. I find myself laughing through most of NJT’s posts, good work! The birthday shout out is pure gold too haha.



  27. Capnmonkey
    12:46 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Awesome.
    Even though this is satire, and I know its satire, I still get find myself getting frustrated when I read it.



  28. catlanta91
    12:47 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    That’s it. I’m re-upping my subscription to the not herald-leader.



  29. Kemp's Pawn & Lube
    12:47 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Once again, a brilliant entry. I look forward to this on Fridays almost as much as half-price appetizers.



  30. Claw
    12:56 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    After that loss to Central University, old-school wrote a letter to the editor of the Lexington newspaper bashing Kentucky coach Chambers for not recruiting enough Kentucky boys.



  31. bmt22033
    1:00 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Another great post for Not Jerry Tipton!!



  32. CatsfaninFL
    1:02 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I can’t decide whether or not to take 23 seriously… either way… it’s good whether I’m laughing with him or at him 🙂



  33. steve
    1:03 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Don’t be surprised if Jerry takes some of these “nuggets” for his column on Sunday.
    Ha Ha



  34. kyeric
    1:09 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Perfect. Absolutely perfect.



  35. BlueinMemphis
    1:22 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I still want that update on World Wide Wes…



  36. jlragweed
    1:24 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Outstanding, best NJT post yet



  37. John McClane
    1:27 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    March 9 is my birthday too!! Ned and I have the same birthday. Or Emmet, or whatever the hell his name is.

    Thanks Not Jerry!



  38. MainStreetCat
    1:29 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Another knock on Trinity?



  39. Biglaw Dawgin
    1:30 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Hilarious.



  40. The Juggernaut
    1:37 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Excellent, excellent stuff. I wonder if Tipton ever reads these. If he does, I bet he doesn’t understand why anyone thinks it is funny.



  41. Wow
    1:38 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I like the comments from those like 23 as much as the post.



  42. BlueBomb
    1:40 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    If you start publishing the Not Herald Leader, I’ll buy a subscriptions. Seriously. Great stuff.



  43. old-school
    1:41 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    #30 – Chambers didn’t get enough Kentucky kids – and has history will show – I was effective with my letter-writing campaign which resulted in him being removed.



  44. PerryStevensonIsntWalkingThruThatDoor
    1:44 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    NJT is to KSR as Colbert is to Stewart. Brilliant idea, excellent execution!



  45. manu1433
    1:54 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    the writers on this site except drew and beisner are going to shit…glad matt left he is a f’n tool



  46. bluetooth
    1:54 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    NJT priceless !



  47. bubble buster
    1:56 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    37 – he didn’t say March 9 was his b-day…he is wishing him a happy birthday today, for crying out loud, which makes Feb 4th his b-day. March 9 is the date he said Central University beat KY. guess you got too excited when you saw your birth date.



  48. Justin G.
    1:58 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    If I had more then two thumbs, I would put those up also! This was some a great source of satire for my friday.



  49. Al's IndiCats
    2:00 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Can we go ahead and give an Not a Pulitzer to Not Jerry Tipton?



  50. fitzinlex
    2:05 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Good call, #49. Will the actual identity of NJT ever be revealed. This is gold, Jerry. GOLD!



  51. NOT MARK HAMILTON
    2:13 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    DOES NJT HAVE FACEBOOK?



  52. boom
    2:18 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    njt. just. freakin’. killed. it.



  53. ebell55
    2:18 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Time to re do blogger of the year!! This Not Tipton guy wins hands down!!!



  54. bigbluecats350
    2:33 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    i agree with another poster. as a Cats fan it does make u get a little fired up cause u know its the perception 99% of all non uk fans have of our basketball program. i dont think there is any other school that opposing fans want to see go down more than they want uk too. but thats what makes it such a great post. it can get u fired up but can also make u shake ur head and laugh ur ass off



  55. jc#1
    3:03 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Please KSR stop posting anything that old ,unhappy mr.negativity writes .No one wants to read this junk.mr negativity is the main reason a lot of UK fans do not waste their money on the lexington herald.Please KSR do us all a favor and let his obsession with UK die with the rest of the junk no one wants to read.



  56. BigBlueFan31
    3:23 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    I love this and realize it is journalistic humor at its finest. But, we have to remind the Louisville Trolls that they wre favored AT HOME when we waxed them by 15!



  57. Sheeeeeeiiiit
    5:16 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Anyone in the nation who doesn’t recognize this for the awesome sarcasm that it is….well they are the kind of morons that most people don’t pay any attention to.
    Are you saying that someone will start an investigation on UK and reference Not Jerry as the source? Yes. In that case I see your point.



  58. MtnCat
    6:48 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    All the Tipton news and none of the guilt. Life needs more Nots. Thanks NJT!



  59. Big D
    7:16 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    Do you have to show his picture ?



  60. Red Mile Smile
    10:38 pm February 4, 2011 Permalink

    #55, Go look in the mirror and punch yourself. That is all. Carry along.



  61. Tokyo Satchel
    12:12 am February 5, 2011 Permalink

    I don’t normally write to criticize the writers, but I guess here I will make an exception. I hope you take it seriously. As I write it in good faith.

    This “not Jerry” thing was funny …once! The parody is tired and I hope doesn’t continue. Of course, I know I can skip over it, and I will, but I hope the decision makers wise up and realize how bush league this seems.



  62. Tokyo Satchel
    3:54 am February 5, 2011 Permalink

    Just wondering why my post is not here.



  63. Tokyo Satchel
    3:55 am February 5, 2011 Permalink

    Now it’s here. Sorry for that erronious post.