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Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook


The 2012-13 season is underway. However, the guess here is that the Cats will not be able to improve upon last season’s performance, which saw losses to hated rival Indiana (which didn’t even make it past the Sweet 16 lol) and Vanderbilt (which is more known for its academics than athletics). To stay apprised and educated, follow me on Twitter @NotJerryTipton. Here’s the weekly notebook:

*Paradise: In Kentucky’s season opening-win over Maryland, the Cats were saved by former walk-on Jarrod Polson, the local boy done good, who made a bevy of game-saving plays down the stretch. This had to infuriate UK fans, who must be wondering why there aren’t more Kentucky kids like Polson on the roster, i.e., lightly recruited walk-ons who don’t possess nearly as much talent as the McDonald’s All-Americans who dot John Calipari’s roster. In an effort to gauge the temperature of Big Blue Nation, a reporter reached out to local Kentucky fans. One such fan is convinced that he knows someone who could be the next Jarrod Polson, if only Calipari would give him a chance. Roscoe Z. Quattlebaum, who owns a bait shop in Sadieville, had this to say about his precocious grandson, Otter: “Tell ya what. Otter’s ever’ bit as good as ‘at Jurd Polsern fella. He’s a foot shorter, but he makes up fer it by weighin’ 100 pounds more’n Polsern. He cain’t shoot good cause he got a baby arm, but ‘at boy got the heart of a pit bull. Lit’rally. He had a heart transplant when he’s ’bout 6 year old after he’s run over by a ATV. We couldn’t find no human match so we had ta use Otter’s dawg, Satchmo. Rest in peace, Satch.” So there you have it. There are several more Jarrod Polsons in the Bluegrass, but John Caliapri refuses to recruit them because he hates Kentucky kids.

*Please Don’t Bury Me: During the early part of this season, guards Ryan Harrow and Julius Mays have battled various ailments. Harrow has had flu-like symptoms, while Mays suffered an eye injury. Is this Gillipsiegate, the sequel? As most UK fans remember, players were constantly being injured while former coach Billy Gillispie was in charge due to the overly harsh and demanding practice methods employed by the brash Texan. And based on what we’ve seen so far this season, Calipari is doing the exact same thing Billy Clyde did, by pushing his players until they break down, and by preventing them from getting sick. The guess here is that if the Cats hadn’t luckily avoided serious injury problems the last few years, we would have seen a lot more players miss time due to injury caused by Calipari’s brutal practice methods. Looks like the cows have finally come home to roost.

*Common Sense: Last Friday, UK tipped off the season with a thrilling, comeback win over Maryland. This does not bode well for Kentucky. The point spread for that game opened at UK -16, which means that the experts in Las Vegas considered Kentucky 16 points better than the Terrapins. However, the final margin was a slim 3 points, which means that this Kentucky team is 13 points worse than the experts think. This has dire ramifications for the future. For example, Duke beat UK by 7 Tuesday, which means that in actuality, the Blue Devils are 20 points better than Kentucky. And since Lehigh beat Duke by 5 (last year), then Lehigh is a staggering 25 points better than Kentucky. Has a team that’s 25 points worse than Lehigh ever won the national championship? My Magic 8 Ball says “no.” Sorry to go all “advanced metrics” on you, but math is complicated.

* On this date: On this date in 1996, Kentucky had just tipped off the 1996-97 season. They would go on to not win the national championship that year. Though many UK fans cite Derek Anderson’s knee injury as the reason Cats failed to reach their goal of a title, no Cat fan has ever been able to definitively prove it.

Article written by Not Jerry Tipton

19 Comments for Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook

  1. GoCats2
    12:10 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    I thought it was funny until I tried to see if the Math was right and I ended up getting a headache.

  2. Creme Freiche
    12:14 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Nice. Isn’t it chickens that come home to roost? Or is this just a nod to Jerry’s senility?

  3. stan
    12:15 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Sitting here eating lunch,decided to see what was happening,up pops this idiots picture. Lost my lunch. Thanks KSR for the nice lunch break, damn Tipturd is a ugly old bas……

    12:15 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    This guy I trying to say that Lehigh is a 25 point better team then last years national champs. He must be high or something. Can’t believe they let him put that online. I guess it always to get a good afternoon laugh at people trying to talk down a national championship.

  5. Njt2
    12:16 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    You do me proud. I laughed at Otter/Satchmo till I had to wipe away the tears to keep reading.

  6. Sam Stone
    12:16 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Dear Abby I left my Saddle in the Rain

    12:26 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    I guess he forgot that last years national championship team beat the runner up (Kansas) 2 times, beat a final 4 team (UofL) 2 times, beat an elite 8 team ( Florida) 3 times, beat another elite 8 team (North Carolina), and also revenges our only regular season loss against Indiana! And he’s comparing the team to Lehigh! He’s an afternoon drunk or something

  8. barn
    12:28 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    as usual

  9. gpete
    12:30 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    I always have a hard time deciding what’s funnier: NJT’s post or the comments!

  10. Linda Taylor
    12:34 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    If cows come home to roost, it brings up the very important question, do pigs nest?

  11. Who say
    12:35 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    ^ 10. I am with you. This is comical each time NJT posts.

  12. Jughead
    12:37 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    It is stimulating to watch cows roost.

  13. justlew
    1:13 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Good call Sam#6 glad someone else caught that

  14. Linda Taylor
    1:39 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    13 – That is a NJT trademark. His/her boldface paragraph beginnings every week refer to songs written by a particular musical artist of the week.

  15. paul schmidt
    2:15 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Jerry Tipton is an idiot…I doubt they would EVER let him in a practice…Cal’s practice are not as physcial as Billy G’s by any stretch of the means, to say otherwise is just idiotic…

  16. ukatw
    2:42 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    15 – wake up and smell the roses!! 9 – You are exactly right!

  17. PW
    3:56 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Every time NJT posts some satire, the cows come home to post.

  18. Oohlala
    4:00 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    Funny how many people read NJT posts every year and think its serious. Around March they figure it out though.

  19. Donald
    4:03 pm November 16, 2012 Permalink

    I just became a bigger “NJT” fan. I’ll be singing lake Marie and souvenirs for the rest of the day!