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Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook

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The season’s over. To stay apprised and educated, follow me on Twitter @NotJerryTipton. Here’s the weekly notebook:

*Wasted Years: On Tuesday, five University of Kentucky underclassmen — Terrence Jones, Doron Lamb, Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist and Doron Lamb — declared for the NBA Draft. This was obviously a very sad day for UK fans, when their worst fears were realized: Jon Hood, Kyle Wiltjer, Ryan Harrow and Twanny Beckham aren’t ready for the NBA. Ever since he got the job at Kentucky, John Calipari has touted himself as a master of getting players prepared for the next level much more quickly than other coaches. However, he has failed at least four players on his current roster (it probably wouldn’t be fair to include Jarrod Polson, Sam Malone and Brian Long in this group, as they’re walk-ons and can’t reasonably be expected to play in the NBA just yet) in this regard. And while rival coaches would never admit this publicly, you can rest assured they’re using this to negatively recruit against Kentucky and Calipari.

*Evil That Men Do: When Nerlens Noel committed to Kentucky last week, he did so in a very grandiose manner. He revealed his college pick by removing his hoodie, and showing a “UK” logo that was shaved into the back of head. Stunts like this are why so many fans are turned off by college basketball in general and Kentucky basketball in particular. An informal poll taken at the Golden Sunset Retirement Home revealed that (nearly half of) 100% of the respondents didn’t much care for the way Noel announced his decision. Cecil Haggard, a 96 year old from Mt. Olive, didn’t understand why players just don’t send a telegram to the school of their choice. Likewise, Willard Hartselle, a 92 year old retired farmer, wondered why Noel couldn’t have simply “sent one a’ them telefacsimile transcripts” to UK informing them of the good news. And it wasn’t just the mature crowd who was turned off by Noel’s actions. Radio personality Drew Deener said Louisville would never recruit a player who would pull such a stunt. Said Deener: “This is why Coach Pitino doesn’t recruit any top 20 players, because they all act like that.” UofL blogger Howie Lindsey agreed. “Total lack of class. OK, let me get back to my meal. This bacon and gravy sundae is scrumptious.” So there you have it. Fans of all ages, shapes and sizes were turned off by the gratuitous showmanship of Nerlens Noel.

*Run To The Hills: Although John Calipari and Kentucky already have commitments from four players from the class of 2012, there is still room for more talent on next year’s roster. At this point, Calipari’s main target appears to be #7 ranked Anthony Bennett, a 6’7″ power forward from Nevada. By all accounts, Bennett’s two leaders are Kentucky and Florida. In order to get a feel for which way Bennett is leaning, I called his father. Mr. Bennett, surprisingly, was unaware that Calipari has had two Final Fours vacated. When informed of the details surrounding these scandals, and asked whether the fact that John Calipari is a cheater may make a difference in where his son chooses to play next year, he said it would not. I then informed Mr. Bennett that Calipari routinely calls UK fans “crazy,” and that he probably says worse things about them in private. I asked him if his son would rather play at a school where the fans aren’t so intense, such as Florida, and he said he’d leave the final decision up to Anthony. Subsequently, I reminded him that Florida coach Billy Donovan has won twice as many national championships as Calipari, and that — unlike Donovan — Cal has never won it all without the nation’s top player. When asked whether he agreed that this was proof of Donovan’s superiority over Calipari, he apparently was driving through an area with poor cell phone reception (which is odd, considering I called his home phone), because the call then ended. He must still be in that same bad area, because several follow up calls have not been answered.

* On this date: On this date in 1990, Kentucky was on probation.

Article written by Not Jerry Tipton

40 Comments for Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook



  1. Jerry Tipton
    12:01 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Excellent work!



  2. Jerry Tipton
    12:04 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    * On this date: On this date in 1947 Kentucky still had not won a single NCAA title.



  3. nassau65
    12:05 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    not one of your best, but still good.



  4. Pat
    12:09 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    who cares.



  5. Eloy
    12:10 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Iron Maiden.



  6. Axe Cop
    12:12 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Does this or does this not bode well for the Cats?



  7. Art
    12:15 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    To me the KSR website is entertainment. When I log on to it I am not looking for negativity. I’m looking for fun and excitement. There is plenty of political and social negativity in the real world without viewing it on your site.
    Stop posting and promoting the Jerry Tipton negative view.
    KSR is an entertaining forum and his negative input is something KSR does not need to be a success.
    If I want negative I’ll read the newspaper.



  8. scary uncle
    12:18 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    how about a two mintues to midnight in there fake Jerry, what about the Trooper, no? How about number of the beast?

    “bruce dickinson makes gold records after he puts on pants”



  9. theSkinny81
    12:19 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    7 – campeón galáctico



  10. Terry
    12:21 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    This guy is an idiot. Who cares if Noel didn’t use a hat, afterall a hat wouldn’t fit on his head with that high top fade, this guy needs to go & get a job at espn or some other media outlet that hates UK. He is a moron!!



  11. Pitino's Pant Leg
    12:22 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    One of my favorite things to do on KSR is read the comments section of Not Jerry Tipton postings to see how many commentors are obviously not in on the joke. So far we have one (#7) and possibly two more (#4 & 6). By the time people stop commenting, I’ll guess about 11 humorless people will have left comments for this one.



  12. Pitino's Pant Leg
    12:23 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Oh, make that two strong, humorless people, now that #10 commented. Keep ’em comin’, folks — we can hit 11!



  13. hooch
    12:25 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    I realize this is in fun and all, but I don’t totally disagree with the first part of the middle piece, about being turned off by these HS kids’ announcements.



  14. theSkinny81
    12:30 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    13 – you must not have read the middle part of the middle piece. the part about the old, out of touch seniors…



  15. not4d
    12:34 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    As always people leaving comments that lead me to believe they think this is actually jerry tipton writing the article. Is this the first time you have visited KSR ? did you forgot to read who wrote the article? ( notjerrytipton) It is better for people to think you are dumb, then to have people know you are dumb. That’s right I’m looking at you art, terry,



  16. BingleJells
    12:34 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    More cowbell, please!



  17. TheNewOriginal
    12:35 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    10/ Comments like yours make it all worth while.



  18. Not Skyler McBee
    12:36 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Ummm — what about Marquis Teague Jerry (re: wasted years)?



  19. Oblivious B.I.G.
    12:38 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    It was almost like I was reading the LHL when I got to the part about Bennett/his dad.



  20. the yo
    12:40 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    7 – ur an idiot

    “..why they just don’t send a telegram..” – classic NJT



  21. Common Sense
    12:41 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    @14 HA!
    But seriously people, get real. This is an article from NOT Jerry Tipton, meaning it’s NOT him! He is simply mocking the real Jerry Tiptons’ writing (which is quite atrocious).



  22. B-man
    12:42 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    I’m not sure how anyone with a sense of humor could not like the weekly NJT posts



  23. BigBlueFan31
    12:43 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    This one goes one the list of favorite NJT articles. The best part of this one are the parts abut Deener and Lindsey. It has me wondering if Deener really said that. Being that he is such a tool, he probably did. I mean who gives their child the middle name “Cawood” because they are a huge UK fan and then goes to work for little brother? I would hate to have to live that live. Being a UK fan and pretending to be a UL fan for $$. and Lindsey is the biggest idiot in sports writing or whatever he does. Every player Louisville gets is a “3 star that should or could be a 5 star.” #delusional



  24. Conway Twitty
    12:45 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Conway Twitty says “Chillax people…it’s a spoof”



  25. tfordstyle
    12:51 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    22. I disagree.
    They were funny @ first but it’s getting stale imo.



  26. Me
    12:52 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    OMFG!!! I can’t believe this site posts stuff about this tool!! I’m never coming here again!



  27. tltaworl
    12:52 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Crap! Doron Lamb is leaving us twice. How will we ever backfill THAT scoring. 44 points in the championship game!



  28. Johnny Livengood
    12:56 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    The only thing better than Not Jerry Tipton is reading the people who believe this is actually Jerry Tipton.. comic relief every time



  29. playin'percentages
    12:57 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    nearly half of 100% … lol



  30. Axe Cop
    12:59 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    25. Why did you use “@” instead of “at?” Takes the same amount of key strokes at = a + t, @ = shift + 2.



  31. The Old Man in the Lower Arena
    1:07 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    I’m surprised Not Jerry left this one out…

    Don’t Come ‘Round Here No More…Cat fans were recently treated to a statewide tour of the 2012 NCAA Champtionship trophy. This does not bode well for the Cats. According to highly-placed sources in line in front of me at the grocery, this tour was undertaken so that Cat fans could take photos of a trophy they are not expected to ever win again. In this era of one-and-dones, fans wanting to view future trophies will have to make the trek to Bloomington, Louisville, or Raleigh-Durham.



  32. TheOutlawJoseyWales
    1:51 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Nicely done!



  33. TrueBlue
    1:56 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Jerry Tipton is the southern end of a northbound donkey.



  34. Dee
    1:57 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Still don’t like it….I somewhat…just a little agree with 7. (Just a little mind you)….



  35. Not Sure But
    2:24 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    NJT, great column but I believe Cecil Haggard is from Mount Olivet, not Mount Olive.



  36. blade
    2:57 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    we could really do without this crap.



  37. At 30
    3:07 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    Since it’s the same amount of keystrokes it doesn’t matter which one he uses, eh? I get it though, you’re sad to see proper spelling, grammar and punctuation go out the door thanks to social media.



  38. Not Sure But
    3:55 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    37, I can tell you are not from Eastern Kentucky.



  39. Not Rick Pitino
    4:33 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    If finer journalism exists on the internet, I have not come upon it.



  40. Carl
    5:54 pm April 20, 2012 Permalink

    I heard the Golden Sunset Retirement Home was actually owned by a corporation based in North Carolina so we really can’t trust those people.