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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Nicole Scherzinger’s Wednesday News and Views

Dancing With The Stars, or DWTS as it’s known in the streets, is finally over after what felt like 456 episodes and Nicole Scherzinger is your 2010 champion.  Scherzinger beat out some guy you’ve never heard of and Erin Andrews in the season finale.  In their final dances, all three contestants chose the Argentine tango and I was just deducted five man-points for knowing that.  Erin Andrews finished third behind random guy and Scherzinger despite a strong and somewhat annoying push on Twitter by Coach Cal.  I watched the finale (against my will) and am saddened to say that I will never get those two hours of my life back.  But it is my duty as a Kentuckian to congratulate Nicole on her victory.  Nicole moved to Louisville from Hawaii when she was six years old.  She began performing in Louisville, attending the Youth Performing Arts School at duPont Manual High School and performing with Actors Theatre of Louisville.  As a teenager, she was the first runner-up at the 1996 Kentucky State Fair’s Coca-Cola Talent Classic contest, finishing just ahead of Beisner’s acapella rendition of “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That).”  Nicole would later go on to join the burlesque troupe, the Pussycat Dolls, in 2003 which led to last night’s Dancing With The Stars victory, and then her own Wednesday News and Views.  So, congratulations Nicole and thank you for being smoking hot.  There.  Now let’s get to it.  My internet is on the fritz so let’s get this over with while we still can…

— Yesterday, UK announced that the GPAs of all sports teams have improved.  According to a press release from the University, the overall Athletic Department GPA for the Spring Semester was a 3.05, the highest of the Mitch Barnhart era.  Most notably, the football team jumped from a 2.35 to a 2.66.  As for the basketball Cats, the team showed minor improvement with a 2.18 spring GPA after posting just a 2.08 in the fall.  Daniel Orton playing hooky all semester certainly didn’t help the cause.  Take away Daniel’s 0.0 GPA and the team finished with around a 2.35 by my calculations.  Not quite Honor Roll but an admirable improvement nonetheless.

— In other good football news, Kentucky got a commitment from three star defensive tackle Clint Tucker out of East St. Louis. lists Tucker as the #39 defensive tackle in the 2011 class.  Tucker picked the Cats over Illinois, Missouri and Iowa and is the best ranked commit thus far.  This is a great pickup for the staff at a much-needed position. Go Cats.

– Ready to laugh at little brother? Of course you are. Louisville basketball player Preston Knowles has been accused of punching his girlfriend’s father.  Preston got into a fight with his lady over a hairbrush and then came to blows with her father after he intervened in the dispute.  There have been no arrests just yet and the County Attorney will decide whether or not to file charges after reviewing the written statements and evidence.  Now, I am a strong believer in innocent until proven guilty, but I am a stronger believer in laughing at Louisville with every opportunity I get.  And in this case, fighting over a hairbrush is pure comedy gold.  Oh, Louisville.  You make it so easy!

— The John Wall/Obama man-love continued last night when the President sat down for an NBA-related interview with Marv Albert for TNT.  “John Wall is a terrific player,” President Obama said.  “He’s got NBA speed, NBA body, great jump shot, unselfish, really impressive. There’s only upside for that kid. And I think it’d be great for him to come to Washington.” Just last week, John Wall called Obama his “homeboy” and now the President is lobbying for Wall to come to Washington.  What’s next for these two?  A picnic date on the National Mall?

— As of now, there is still an open position on the Kentucky sidelines but it appears that Kenny Payne is on the verge of accepting the job.  I had hoped that my candidacy would have an effect on the job search but it has been nearly two weeks since I submitted my application and I haven’t received so much as a phone call from UK.  Meanwhile, Payne is out having dinner with Calipari and Coach O in Lexington.  I guess Payne’s mythical recruiting prowess and willingness to take a paycut outweigh my pregame shootaround rebounding abilities.

— In his Pre-Summer “State of the Cats,” Coach Cal hinted that Big Blue Madness could be held somewhere other than Rupp next year.  Or at least that’s what I got out of his closing statement: “Before you know it, we’ll all be gathering (somewhere!!!) for Big Blue Madness and the start of another incredible journey with your Wildcats.” Somewhere?! What’s that supposed to mean? Commonwealth?  UK toyed with the idea last season but logistical issues and the whole weather thing kept Madness at Rupp Arena and the idea on the drawing board.  Personally, I’m all for the idea of tailgating at Commonwealth for an outdoor Big Blue Madness.  But I also have no say in the matter.

— And in the NBA, the Phoenix Suns evened the series at 2-2 with a win tonight over the Lakers.  More importantly, Steve Nash is still alive.  Barely.

That’ll do for now.  Stick with us throughout the day as we continue Kenny Payne Watch while defending our hairbrushes and watching YouTube Sports.  Go Cats.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR