At this time each year, there is nothing more predictable than the fact that every hack writer in every periodical known to man is working to throw together some incredibly lame article in which they provide their grateful readers with their new year’s resolutions. Well, despite the fact that I only pretend to be a writer for purposes of this blog, I shall join in with my pretend colleagues across the nation and present to our loyal readers my Wildcat sports resolutions. Drum roll please.
1. I shall henceforth refer to Shagari only by his birth name. Specifically, I shall not refer to him as Bobble Head, Mac Tonight, The Praying Mantis, Hands Mahoney, Grandpa’s Walking Stick, Weird Harold or Manute Bol minus the explosive offensive game. By the way, if the big fella is indeed being suspended repeatedly due to missing class, does he think that the teacher will not notice him being gone? Maybe in the future he could ask a classmate to put a pool cue with glasses in his seat to cover for him.
2. I solemnly swear to avoid being overly critical of Patrick Sparks. I will do this despite the fact that he is a slow, short point guard who can not handle the ball, plays the worst defense of any cat this side of Cameron Mills, makes horrible decisions and … Okay, starting right now!!!
3. I will avoid getting overly hyped for football far too early in the summer. Generally, I start thinking and mentally preparing for Labor Day weekend sometime around May. My fist college football dream generally creeps in around July. After that, I am perusing message boards, reading magazines and just generally being no good to anyone. This year, I will hold off doing any real preparing until June. Unless of course I have nothing better to do, which seems highly unlikely.
4. I will cease making jokes on Kentucky Sports Radio that are only funny to myself and my inner circle of friends. This is childish and unprofessional and can only serve to hold back the show. By the way, cheddar smokey!!! (That one’s for you Ryno.)
5. I will not complain about Tubby’s occasionally baffling substitution patterns. In a related note, I will stop shamelessly attacking Josh Carrier despite the fact that he runs like a Peanuts character. He can’t hurt us any longer.
6. Finally, I will work with everyone affiliated with Kentucky Sports Radio to make it the most informative and entertaining source available for UK fans everywhere. (Sorry, the how-to guide told me to end on a serious note.)
Happy new year everyone!!!