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Need-to-Know Wednesday’s seen things that cain’t be unseen!


Last night was a bit of a rollercoaster, I think we can all agree. First we were mad, then we were resigned, then we got excited, then we were pleasantly surprised, happy (for a split second), then sad again…and an hour later, maybe satisfied with the team. Truthfully, I don’t mind sounding like a Steelers fan when I bitch that if everyone had been out there, I feel we’d have owned (pwned?) the Bulldogs.

But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Wasn’t in the cards, the tea leaves or the stars for the Wildcats to win last night’s game. And if there’s one thing that’s quickly becoming the monkey on all of our collective backs this season, it’s the injury situation. It’s been a plague all season. But will it get better?

I recently took a trip into downtown Cincinnati for a chat with Madame Dorothy, a psychic medium who operates out of the dodgy Over-the-Rhine area. There I asked her what the UK injury situation would be for the rest of the season. I hate to tell you folks, it doesn’t look good for us. Below is a list I made, per Madame Dorothy’s visions, of the remainder of the regular season, and what we as fans can expect:

January 15 – vs. Mississippi St.
Meeks – Hip Flexor Injury
Jasper – Sprained MCL/ Flu

January 19 – vs. Florida
Jasper – Sprained MCL
Coury – Strep Throat
Bradley – Toe-ache

January 22 – vs. Tennesseee
Coury – Bruised knee
Porter – Hat head

January 26 – vs. South Carolina
Crawford – Stoved finger, raspberry
Perry – Migraine
Harris – Pac Man Fever

February 2 – vs. Georgia
Krebs – Hypothermia

February 6 – vs. Auburn
Patterson – Pinkeye
Stewart – “The farts”

February 9 – vs. Alabama
Stevenson – Verklempt

February 12 – vs. Vanderbilt
Crawford – Earache
Jared Carter – Lycanthropic complications (full moon)

February 19 – vs. Georgia
Patterson – Cholera
Krebs – Needs to be burped

February 27 – vs. Ole Miss
Bradley – Senioritis
Coury – Slowly being erased after future descendent went back in time

March 5 – vs. South Carolina
Perry – Lazy eye
Harris, Crawford – Big Mac Attack

Gonna be a bleak rest of the year, folks, if Madame Dorothy’s right. So might as well settle in and watch the following Australian. Those of you who are Tucker Max fans should love it. The rest of you, I hope, will find him moderately amusing, though a douchebag.

That is all.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin