It’s mid-June, officially, by my watch (I generally adhere to the typical Western calendar, recently switching over from the Mayan calendar), and that means summer break. Trips to the beach. Fun in the sun. And a new stack of books for summer reading.
This summer brings us sure-to-be best sellers like Mike Lupica’s Summer Ball and Jim Nantz’s Always By My Side, which will undoubtedly make for solid beach reads, but today NTKW would like to call your attention to another crop of sports-related books and athlete-authors. Because after all, KSR is nothing if not a solid forum for literary review. Today, then, we are pleased to present to you this summer’s Need-to-Read Books.
My Life With Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
by Manny Ramirez
“With each new hit of the drug, I felt like a different person. Everything seemed so much clearer to me. The Lifetime Network suddenly made so much more sense. Puppies seemed cuter. My wife asked me what was happening to me, but I was too afraid to share my secret, opting instead to just cuddle. I swear, I must have gone through 50 pints of Haagen-Dazs a week. And I would spend evenings on the road in my hotel room, alone, watching 27 Dresses again. I was a proud, fertile woman, and I didn’t want to deny the world my womb.”
Football is Okay, I Guess
by Tom Brady
“On the day of my knee surgery, I arrived at the hospital in a crisp new Salvatore Farragamo shirt and John Varvatos twill trousers. I was ready, having spent the day before at Voda Spa in Hollywood, and the hot stone massage had relaxed me. Dr. Kanhristan explained to me that while the procedure was fairly routine for athletes, I still ran a slight risk of losing another season with the Patriots. As he spoke, I trained my eye on the colorful Magritte on the wall and wondered if I’d be able to attend this year’s Emmy Awards, as the after-party is one not to be missed. ‘Sure, whatever,’ I told the doctor, before they wheeled me into the exam room.”
The Eye of the Needle
by Dwight Howard
“The sweat ran into my eyes as I concentrated on the wires connecting the bomb’s timer to the explosion chamber.
‘Cut the green one,’ said Rafer Alston, but I had my doubts. ‘The schoolbus full of children only has fifteen seconds left before the bus blows up!’
My giant fingers could not get through the handle of the scissors, so I pulled a knife from my pants which had lots of pockets, and which in one I kept a knife. Rashard Lewis nodded, and I cut the wire.
The clock on the bomb stopped and Hedo Turklogu put his hand on my shoulder. ‘You did good, kid,’ he said in a language that I think was from some other country.”
Making it Rain
by Adam “Pac-Man” Jones
“First, it’s important to understand that the relative humidity must reach an apex of nearly 100 percent. When a column of air rises, temperatures begin to lower, pulling more water vapor and the resulting cloud fills with water droplets ready to coalesce. When this happens, the droplets gain more weight until they fall to the ground, unable to resist the pull of earth’s gravity.”
The KSR Story
by Christopher Tomlin
“I remember one day in the compound; we were going over the day’s stories when Mosley came in, like he always did, late and in grand fashion. That day he was dressed in a cape, sporting a cane, with several tiny dogs in tow on diamond-studded leashes, and followed by his ‘handler,’ a young man with a clipboard to whom he kept barking orders. With a flourish, he took a seat at the head of the table and rested his pocketwatch and hat before him. ‘Gentlemen, I’m ready to work,’ he said with a British affectation to his voice. Oh, how I loathed him.”
I don’t know about you guys, but it would definitely seem my summer’s full of great reading. I hope you’ll likewise take to the pages this summer and enjoy it. Until next week, friends.