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Need-to-Know Wednesday Plays the Numbers!

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Friends,

Oh, hello there. You just caught me steam-pressing my tuxedo. You see, I’m preparing for a weekend jaunt to Las Vegas, the only city in America where one can peruse early Etruscan design before walking next door to peruse Italian rococo themes. And also, there’s mad gambling. If any of you are in Sin City, stop by and say hello. You can’t miss me; I’m usually playing baccurat in ornate, palm-fronded back rooms at high roller tables, wearing a monocle and leading an afghan hound around by a jewel-encrusted leash.
It’s with Las Vegas in mind, today, that I took a look at some of the upcoming odds for football’s opening weekend games, and I found some real winners. If you’ll be so kind, I thought Need-to-Know might share some of the strongest over/under bets of the weekend with you today. If you win thousands of dollars off these tips, just send me a fruit basket or something. As always, you’re welcome.

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34 – Total score, Ball State vs. North Texas University.

51 – Total score, Villanova vs. Temple.

21 – Total score, Syracuse vs. Minnesota

100 – Students who depart the Tulsa at Tulane game early to go drink on Bourbon Street.

230 – People will ask where Towson is, when they play Northwestern.

89 – Percentage of the Towson student allotted ticket section consisting of players’ parents and relatives who live in Chicago, who are proud of their nephews who play football for Towson.

800 – University of Northern Iowa fans who are amazed at fanciness of “touchless” car washes and Applebee’s when they visit the University of Iowa.

48 – People who believe that Weber State was founded by Wings’ Steven Weber.

3 – Buffalo players who will combust into flames when playing at University of Texas-El Paso.

900 – Number of fauxhawks visible at the USC vs. San Jose State game.

4,000 – Number of references to soybeans made during between-play fan banter during Missouri State vs. Arkansas

2,100 – Number of references to gangland-style slayings made during between-play fan banter during Sacramento State vs. UNLV.

0– Number of lambadas performed at the Utah vs. Utah State game

75 – Discernible, qualifiable grass stains on Charleston Southern’s uniforms, which are pinstriped white linen suits, after they play Florida.

9 – Three or more rural Floridian ticketholders at the Samford/UCF game will be disappointed because they thought they were seeing “Stanford.”

500 – University of Alabama-Birmingham students excited because they think “Rice @ UAB” means their campus is getting a PF Chang’s.

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Use that information wisely, friends. As for me, I’ll be bringing home suitcases full of cash next week, so if I owe you any money, submit your requests in writing now. And don’t forget to bop on over to visit The Brown Tweed Society for some hot, sexy pop culture action when you’re done here. Until next week, folks.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin