“Beginning August 1, 2009, an institution can provide fruit, nuts and bagels to student-athletes at any time.”
-Tweet by @ukcompliance, August 10
My! These bagels are delicious, aren’t they? And the best thing about them is that they’re guilt-free, according to the UK Compliance office. So have another! You’re not sacrificing any eligibility!
Yes, friends, my favorite twitter account these days is that of the UK Compliance office, whose eye-opening tweeted tidbits never fail to help shape my understanding of what’s legal and what’s not in college athletics recruiting. After all, adhering the many, many rules of compliance is not only a comprehensive job, but must be difficult. That’s why today, I’d like to share some of my favorite real or not real tweets from our very own compliance department. So keep this in mind the next time you see a recruit or athlete eating pineapple on campus. It’s okay, people! Stop freaking out!
A student-athlete’s autograph cannot be sold (e.g., eBay). This action can jeopardize his or her eligibility.
On student-athlete tickets:
A student-athlete may not receive payment for his or her complimentary tickets and may not exchange them for any item of value.
On sending information:
Beginning Aug 1, Institutional postcard may be provided to a prospective student-athlete provided its dimensions do not exceed 4 1/4 by 6 inches, it contains only the institution’s name and logo on one side and it includes only handwritten information, (e.g., words, illustrations) on the opposite side.
High-fives are only acceptable if student-athlete initiates. Otherwise a handshake, brief hug, or “blowing it up” is permitted.
Student-athletes may be served commercial restaurant items paid for by a university official, with the exception of Applebee’s delicious “Chicken Parmesan Tanglers,” available at participating locations.
During student-athlete free time, university may not provide funding for any first-run feature film starring actor Dennis Quaid, unless the film in question features Quaid as a washed-up ex-athlete returning to the sport for one more final shot.
University representatives hosting student-athletes may not wear “Jams” (TM).
On nightlife activities:
The “stanky leg” will not permissable at any time, and is a violation of compliance rules.
On standard stock responses:
Appropriate responses to learning information about a student-athlete’s family member (brother, grandmother, sister, etc.) include ONLY: “Wow, that’s very interesting,” “You must be very proud of that person,” and/or “Well, it was ridiculous that there was a tree there in the first place, but I’m glad Gavin McCloud was there to help.”
See what I mean? Glad I’m not on staff. Until next time, friends, don’t go gettin’ into any trouble. Just stay at home, relax, and watch Jean-Claude Van Damme punch this snake, okay?
That is all.