As you may or may not know, I am an expert in research and the gathering of information on all levels. You may in fact have viewed my work in the past, though you may not have known it. I have gathered information and research for such lofty projects as the recently successful Hadron Collider, Ron Paul’s attempt at the presidency, and footage for E! Entertainment’s Celebrities Falling Down: Caught on Tape! Yes, you could say I’m enamored with all aspects of data collection. But before you label me (unless you’re labeling me the Best Data Collector Ever, in which case I won’t stop you), I’ll let you in on why my research expertise is relevant to you, the University of Kentucky Fan.
You might be familiar with the exhibition basketball games the Wildcats played against the University of Missouri-St. Louis Tritons. What you may not know is that schools who play against UK in exhibition matchups receive a generous donation to their own athletic departments in return. As such, the hosting university normally will perform an “exit survey” to the opposing coach and staff in an effort to constantly make improvements to this exhibition system. These exit surveys are released to the general public after a mandatory logging period of one week, and after that I swoop in to collect the information for my own records. I recently procured said survey, filled out by the Tritons head coach, and thus present it to you below:
Exhibition Exit Survey
Game: UK vs. UMSL
Name of Surveyed: Head Coach Chris Pilz
Date: November 3, 2008
1.) How would you rate your recent exhibition game with the University of Kentucky?
2.) Did you find your accommodations satisfactory? No.
2a.) If no, why not? I did not understand why we were housed at the Red Roof Inn. I have nothing against the Red Roof Inn, but I do not understand why we were assigned to its Bardstown location. That was very far from the venue.
3.) Did you receive your complimentary University of Kentucky gift bag? Yes
3a) If yes, what would you change about it? While the tootsie rolls were a welcome surprise, we did not appreciate the handwritten note that read “Welcome to the University of Kentucky, prepare for crushing defeat.” That seemed excessive. Thank you for the keychain, however.
4.) What was your favorite part of your UK Exhibition Experience? The opportunity to play in Rupp in front of so many excited UK fans.
4b.) What was your least favorite part? Having our bus urinated upon by so many excited UK fans.
5.) Did you find the facilities to be satisfactory? The facilities were very nice, although we did find a hidden camera.
5b.) Did you find the hidden camera? Yes
5c.) If yes, how could we hide it more effectively? Do not tape it to the wall.
6.) Did you visit any Lexington attractions during your visit? Yes
6a.) If yes, which attractions? GattiTown, Chinoe Pub
6b.) Did you enjoy the attractions? GattiTown’s pizza was less than satisfying. I guess you’re probably paying more for the games than the pizza. Chinoe Pub was nice but too many people sang “The Rose” for my taste.
7.)Were the assistants assigned to you helpful? Somewhat
7a.) If somewhat, how could their assistance be improved? I often got the feeling the assigned assistant was trying to injure my players, often by running ahead of the group and turning over chairs and stools into our path. We also feel he was behind the “haunting” of our hotel room in an effort to frighten us, and that our hotel was not actually haunted.
8.) If you could change one thing about your University of Kentucky Exhibition experience, what would it be? We would not have been defeated 111-53. Also, better pizza at GattiTown.
There you have it, folks. Don’t say I never gave you anything. Have a great day, and I’ll let the “relevent squad,” as I like to call them, get back to actual Signing Day news. Until next week, friends, enjoy the following….err…something…featuring Superman and Spiderman teaming up!