This is going to be a weird couple of weeks. For the second time in my true Kentucky fan hood (1992-now), the Cats are nowhere to be found in the NCAA field. Making matters worse, we have already seen our last Kentucky game of the season. Thankfully, we have a lot to look forward to next year. But in the meantime, we have to sit back and watch as another team takes over our seat as the kings of college basketball. Making that situation worse is the fact our biggest rivals are heavy favorites to be the ones cutting down the nets (although Indiana will cut down nets win or lose). To get us through the rest of March and early April, I (along with some helpful suggestions from friends) created a NCAA Tournament drinking game to help ease the pain of our Cats being non existent in the bracket. As always, we here at KSR encourage you to drink responsibly and make good decisions.
In addition to the rules in the photo…
Take a Drink:
*Anytime you hear the CBS tournament theme music.
*If you hear any Bill Raftery-isms: “A little kiss,” “ManTAman,” “ONIONS!!”, “The blow by,” “Valentine,” or “A little lingerie on the deck!”
*If Jim Nantz says “Hello Friends” or gives what my friend Allison describes as a pregnant pause (trying to rise above the moment with a meaningful moment of silence). When he delivers his corny pre-planned champion declaration at the end of the title game, finish your drink because we are no longer the champs. At least not for 12 more months.
*If you ever think “Man, I miss Gus Johnson” when some guy that hasn’t seen a college game all season is calling a game in a terrible fashion.
*If an 11 seed of higher is winning, drink. If they win, play a game we call “lose it” (finish your drink.)
*If you are in a bracket pool with a girl who filled out her bracket based on what colors a team wears, drink. Because you will lose to that girl.
*If Butler or VCU are mentioned as Cinderellas.
*If they talk about how Brad Stevens and Shaka Smart have turned down bigger jobs to stay at their school or mention VCU’s “Havoc” style of play.
*If Charles Barkley is in a commercial or mispronounces a player, coach, or school’s name.
*If a team you picked loses.
*Anytime Kentucky is mentioned in regards to winning last year, struggling this year, or the recruiting class they have coming in next year.
*If Coach Cal makes an appearance as a guest studio analyst.
*If a team (*cough* Wisconsin *cough*) wins a game by scoring less than 50 points.
*A shot of your choice if a 16 seed beats a 1 seed. The number of shots taken shall be determined by the amount of points the 16 seed wins by. (Go Tops!)
*When they refer to the Thursday/Friday games as the “2nd round.” This drives me crazier than Billy Gillispie’s driver at 2:00 a.m. leaving the golf course.
*If someone mentions that “Tom Izzo is great in March.”
*If Marshall Henderson makes you tweet “I really like Marshall Henderson.”
*If someone asks you “What channel is TruTV?”
*If a block/charge is blatantly missed. Terminate use of this rule after the first slate of games Thursday.
*If a Duke player flops.
*(speaking of Duke…) If they show Seth Curry’s Mom in the crowd. Additionally, don’t stand up for a while.
*If they mention the toughness of the Midwest region.
*If the tournament is referred to as “The Big Dance.”
*If Peyton Siva’s Dad is shown. If he is in his tight jersey, drink twice.
*If you see the “Tubby glare.”
*Anytime you see a tweet that says something to the effect of “Dangit *insert team name*! Now my bracket is busted!” Those people are the worst. Brackets are like butt holes. Or something like that.
*If Mrs. Tyler tweets about her Wildcats from Davidson.
Do a waterfall throughout the entirety of “One Shining Moment.”
Happy brackets, everyone.